Re: nettequett and other list complainers...

[Guest guest]

Chantelle,

I am going to try to say this as I would to Patty or Kris (and sometimes

too!) so please understand I say it loving who you are. Please remember

there are many ways to say the something and I think what you are saying is

valid a

nd we love your opinions but I also think the way you said it was a bit

surprising.

So what I tell Patty is:

It's not what you say

but how you say it.

It's not the words you use,

but the manner in which you convey it.

I learned that saying from my father who loved me to bits and shared with me

the easiest way to handle things by telling me that poem. I tell my daughters

that because as a daughter I was told that.

I don't think anyone said you misunderstood it, I believe it was shared that

you might have misread the meaning of the post. There's such a huge

difference. And that was said with the greatest respect to you. I was in awe

of the

respect.

Yes, you are a CHARGE specialist. Yes, every bit of what you say is

important and what parents thrive to hear. They hang on your every word.

That's why

it is incredibly important for you to write when you are not irritated. If

you are, and you have that right, please wait till you are calmer. You are an

incredibly intelligent and kind person but your kindness didn't come out

through your last post.

I also have to remember though that not everyone in the world has the same

experiences, opinions or feelings as I do. We have to value that in everyone as

we do in you and you do in me. We are all human. We all have feelings and

opinions and we do not have to agree with them though we must acknowledge them.

Sometimes we often talk about the people who have CHARGE and how hard it is

for them, including you, Patty, Ellen, the children and the infants and

everyone else who has CHARGE but please know that it is incredibly hard to be a

parent and sometimes we say things that when someone reads it they sound a bit

harsh when in reality we don't mean it to come out that way. That has happened

to some of the posts I have written. When I reread them later I am surprised

of how they sound. They didn't convey my true emotions and even at times

portrayed the exact opposite. That is why things can be misread (and thus

misunderstood) by each and every one of us.

In Pat's defense she is a " new " parent so she's looking for the diagnostic

and physical characteristically information on CHARGE. She's afraid and that's

just what new parents do. She needs information that many of us have learned

along the way. You are ever so brilliant in knowing there are additional

things in life with CHARGE. But she isn't there yet. She's still at the

searching phase. But aren't we all? It just waxes and wanes.

And now one last defense of this list. Do you remember the chat about the

different rabbits? I found them to be hilarious. At the time I was going

through a bit of sadness and reading them really lightened my spirit because the

conversation came from people I have grown to love. Although others might have

found it irrelevant I found it to be beautiful and lightened my spirit when I

felt I was in a time I could have been headed to dark feelings. Thank you all

for that!

I also have to say I love when Ellen talks about the weather where she lives.

I especially love it when we are in the midst of a blizzard and she's in the

hot sun. I can just picture her joy which fills me with joy.

Chantelle, I love and respect all of what you Ellen and Belinda write. I am

thrilled is writing to the list again too. I think everyone here

loves having you guys share even the slightest bit of information and I am not

just saying that to be nice. I mean it truthfully.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 23, Patty CHARGE 21 and wife to

[Guest guest]

Chantelle,

I think you may have misunderstood: I don't think anyone wants anyone to

leave---some folks are just thinking that maybe we can " rearrange " the list to

make it easier to read/focus differently.

I am getting the distinct impression that no one wants anyone to leave the list

because everyone has something useful to say whether it is directly related to a

posted question/comment or to start a new thread and that people also enjoy the

personal notes.

pam

[Guest guest]

Chantelle,

I think you may have misunderstood: I don't think anyone wants anyone to

leave---some folks are just thinking that maybe we can " rearrange " the list to

make it easier to read/focus differently.

I am getting the distinct impression that no one wants anyone to leave the list

because everyone has something useful to say whether it is directly related to a

posted question/comment or to start a new thread and that people also enjoy the

personal notes.

pam

[Guest guest]

Im getting irritated on being told im missunderstanding things just

cause i dont understand them the way you do. My feelings are valid. My

opinion is valid. I feel Pat and other moms ARE basicaly saying

they dont want us here. Im sorry you dont see that. Maby its you that

is missunderstanding what some moms are complaining about.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Im getting irritated on being told im missunderstanding things just

cause i dont understand them the way you do. My feelings are valid. My

opinion is valid. I feel Pat and other moms ARE basicaly saying

they dont want us here. Im sorry you dont see that. Maby its you that

is missunderstanding what some moms are complaining about.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Im getting irritated on being told im missunderstanding things just

cause i dont understand them the way you do. My feelings are valid. My

opinion is valid. I feel Pat and other moms ARE basicaly saying

they dont want us here. Im sorry you dont see that. Maby its you that

is missunderstanding what some moms are complaining about.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

I havnt posted in over a week so im finding it easier

> not to take all this shit personaly. Seems like you want Ellen,

> Chip, Belinda, and I to just dissapear and not bother you

> and this list to be JUST for the certified medical professionals (*)

> and families of children under 5 years who are still medicaly

> fragile.

Chantelle,

I am glad it is easier to not take this personally, because when I started

the discussion it was not directed to any individual - it is a discussion to

help us figure out how to be respectful of various needs and was triggered

by this concern being brought up by a variety of people and at different

times.

I would grieve if the adults with CHARGE left the list, just as I do the

parents who leave the list, and I miss you when you do not post. It is

trying to find a way to meet the many needs that is the challenge and it has

resulted in tips coming that might help me and others.

After reading many of the replies today, I am hopeful that only leaving in

the one sentence or paragraph being responded to will help.

This is what I mean by guidelines - having never been on a list, there is no

reason that anyone would know how just hitting reply makes digest so

cumbersome - good information to have and please accept my apologies for

the nuisance it has caused you and others.

What other guidelines are there that could be useful? What other things

make it hard for you to read the digest?

Kim

[Guest guest]

CHantelle,

sorry this is so delayed--I was out for the evening. You are absolutely right

that your feelings are as valid as anyone else's. And you also may be right

that I am the one misunderstanding and I surely will re-read the other posts.

thanks.

pam

[Guest guest]

CHantelle,

sorry this is so delayed--I was out for the evening. You are absolutely right

that your feelings are as valid as anyone else's. And you also may be right

that I am the one misunderstanding and I surely will re-read the other posts.

thanks.

pam

[Guest guest]

CHantelle,

sorry this is so delayed--I was out for the evening. You are absolutely right

that your feelings are as valid as anyone else's. And you also may be right

that I am the one misunderstanding and I surely will re-read the other posts.

thanks.

pam

[Guest guest]

Okay, im going to try and say this nicely. There have been a few times when

certain mums seem to constantly post new things ab out their kids every day,

i understand that alot of new mums might really need the support, but

sometimes it seems like the same person is posting new emails about their

charger every day and getting 20 responses

[Guest guest]

Okay, im going to try and say this nicely. There have been a few times when

certain mums seem to constantly post new things ab out their kids every day,

i understand that alot of new mums might really need the support, but

sometimes it seems like the same person is posting new emails about their

charger every day and getting 20 responses

[Guest guest]

Okay, im going to try and say this nicely. There have been a few times when

certain mums seem to constantly post new things ab out their kids every day,

i understand that alot of new mums might really need the support, but

sometimes it seems like the same person is posting new emails about their

charger every day and getting 20 responses

[Guest guest]

Hey Ellen,

Glad your not going anywheres but could you please delete the old

message when you hit reply?

Sometimes the old message is so long and when you do a lot of replies

in a row, i cant find your new message you wrote cause it is short.

Thanks!

(im going on the web atm but yah its hard to find the new messages

amongst all the old messages that get reposted.)

Hugs

Chantelle