Re: suicide

August 28, 2001

Vimala, I am so sorry all of this pain and sorrow is sitting on your

shoulders. It isn't fair, not fair at all. I also have fibro, but

besides that have been suicidal many times. I don't have all the

answers, but I KNOW this in my heart....you are a vital part of this

world! I know that the pain and suffering you are enduring seems

hopeless and never ending, but you will come through the other side.

You didn't mention if you were on any meds. If you aren't, I

recommend getting on an anti-depressant, and if you are, maybe you

should try another one. I am on Celexa, and it has taken those

thousand little dark thoughts of suicide out of my mind. It's not

that I feel so much better physically, it's that I can handle more

mentally when I am on the anti-depressant. I am also an artist, and

I really feel that my art is the one thing that I have left. I paint

what I feel...and I don't care who likes or doesn't like them. They

are for me...an outlet for my despair, my pain, my mind. The

paintings don't talk back, or put you down, they don't walk out of

your life...unless you want them to. Don't sell the one thing that

could help you in all of this. Use your talents as best you can,

when you feel like it, and maybe you can help someone else, or make

someone else understand how you feel. I know this doesn't seem to

take care of some of the other heartaches that you are facing, your

boyfriend and your mom. But I lost my mom only two years ago, and

art has also been my solace there. I really hope that you decide to

hold on and ride out this dark time! Hang in there...I care!

Jo

> This seems to be a topic much on the minds of people with FM and I

don't

> understand why doctors cannot see how horrific life becomes when

this

> illness hits severely. My life has been completely destroyed bit by

bit over

> the last 11 years. The man I loved and thought I would spend my

life with,

> who helped me so much and was so great with dealing with my FM,

just came

> home 2 weeks ago from a trip with his kids and told me " I am

breaking our

> engagement. I can't live with someone who can't hike and ski. "

Nothing I

> could do or say could change his mind. I could see in his eyes he

had

> already left me. This is the 4th relationship and the last. We've

been

> together a year and I did everything possible to " screen " him, to

make sure

> he was okay with my illness, that he could handle it, because I was

ready to

> not venture into another heartbreak that I knew might kill me. I

even put

> off meeting him, just doing email for six weeks. There were NO

signs at all

> that anything was wrong.

>

> I have always been a positive person, have lifted myself up out of

crisis

> after crisis. I am so tired. My 2 kids are in their 20s, one is

married, and

> moving to San Diego in December. The other is going to Costa Rica

about then

> too. They have been my only emotional support. They are both

healthy,

> beautiful, I put every ounce of my life energy into them so they

wouldn't

> come out like my siblings, so they would escape the legacy of my

horrible

> family. When I have tried to make friends, my illness puts them

off, makes

> them uncomfortable, and they just go away. I am alone all the time.

>

> I have accomplished a lot in my life and see nothing ahead that I

want to

> do. The man I am with convinced me to file bankruptcy saying he was

here

> now, there was no reason to be afraid of losing my little " safety

net " of

> credit, I should get rid of the debt and he would pay the court

payments (I

> had to file Chpt 13 because of the books I have written - they are

> considered assets that would be seized by the court in Chapt 7 -

now there

> is a $700/mo pmt to the court for 4 years). He promised me a

million times

> he would be here, he would pay for these things, he wanted to

provide a

> space for me to finally be able to relax and live and take care of

my

> illness and be loved. Then after I had made several life altering

> decisions, he dropped this atom bomb on me. Now I have no credit

for at

> least 10 years. I don't even know how I will get housing with no

credit.

>

> I hear what everyone says about suicide being selfish, and your

duty to your

> children, but I don't know how to get from here to there. My mother

is

> extremely sick and could die any day. My siblings, because my

family was so

> destroyed by alcoholism, are completely cut off from each other and

none of

> them will speak to me saying my illness is a bummer and they don't

want to

> deal with me until I get well. I have nobody. Even my cat died last

month.

> The only income I have is royalties from books I've written, and I

never

> know how much or little it will be, plus my SSI disability. I have

been in

> therapy for four years, and I don't see a whole lot of change now

from where

> I was then. I have nobody to turn to who has the time or

inclination to help

> me. All I see is that now that my ex fiancee is leaving me, I'll

have to

> give up most of what I love (I am also an artist) because I won't

be able to

> fit my equipment into a small apartment, get a tiny place that I

can live in

> and just exist there by myself for the rest of my life. I guess I'm

supposed

> to think this is a noble sacrifice I make so my kids don't have to

go

> through the pain of losing me. When I can barely get out of bed

much less

> move a household by myself, what am I to do? I am just holding on

from day

> to day. Right now I have to go back to bed, even though I have a

list of

> things to do a mile long. My body just won't do them. I try and try

to live

> like a so called normal person but my body won't let me. So I guess

I'm

> saying, let's get real here, what is there for somebody to do who

doesn't

> have family there to take care of them, who doesn't have a loving

supportive

> spouse, whose kids just want to get on with their lives and can't be

> burdened by their mother's illness -- and no one seems to know or

believe

> how bad this pain really is, how debilitating, how impossible it is

to do

> almost anything. Maybe because I have done the heroic thing for so

many

> years, they don't believe me now. But I have run out of steam. What

would

> you do? I keep trying to look at all the good things in my life,

but my body

> won't do what is absolutely necessary for me to do -- find another

place,

> move, sell all my art equipment, stop being an artist, pack, and on

and on

> and on.

>

> Vimala

August 28, 2001

My dearest Vimala I am oh so concerned about you and

wish I could do or say something that could help you.

If I had any money I would give to you, if I was well

enough to come and visit with you to give you comfort

at this time I would, if I could take away your pain

and anguish I would. But alas I cannot do any of these

things for you but what I can do for you is to tell

you I care.

Also with the knoweldge I have from the church I

attend I know that to take your own life, you will not

find peace, because the pain you feel will not leave

you and the regret you will feel will be even more

painful than what you face on the earth at this

moment. I don't mean to be harsh with these words but

I fear for you and don't want to see you go through

even greater pain.

Take each day as it comes and work at it so that you

achieve something on that day and then at the end of

the day look back and congratulate yourself on getting

through the day. Know too you are not alone you have a

Heavenly Father who loves and cares for you and will

not let you go through more than he knows you can cope

with. I know it must seem that you are going through

something you can see no end too and that the road is

all downhill, but Heavenly Father is waiting for you

to call on him. Have you ever read the poem

" Footprints on the sand " where it talks of Heavenly

Fathers footprints in the sand side by side to ours

when everything is going alright and then there is

only one set of prints in the sand when we have our

trials and tests in life and well we may ask why there

is only one set of prints in the sand had Heavenly

Father left us alone. But NO if we look at the prints

they are heavily sucken because that was the time that

Heavenly Father carried us. I don't have the full

words of the poem but remembered the layout of the

setting. So look to Heavenly Father and he will carry

you through the dark trials you face and remember that

when the world and your family forsake you, He will

never forsake you.

God bless

Lorraine UK

--- Vimala McClure wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

This seems to be a topic much on the minds of people

with FM and I don't

understand why doctors cannot see how horrific life

becomes when this

illness hits severely. My life has been completely

destroyed bit by bit over

the last 11 years. The man I loved and thought I would

spend my life with,

who helped me so much and was so great with dealing

with my FM, just came

home 2 weeks ago from a trip with his kids and told me

& quot;I am breaking our

engagement. I can't live with someone who can't hike

and ski. & quot; Nothing I

could do or say could change his mind. I could see in

his eyes he had

already left me. This is the 4th relationship and the

last. We've been

together a year and I did everything possible to

& quot;screen & quot; him, to make sure

he was okay with my illness, that he could handle it,

because I was ready to

not venture into another heartbreak that I knew might

kill me. I even put

off meeting him, just doing email for six weeks. There

were NO signs at all

that anything was wrong.

I have always been a positive person, have lifted

myself up out of crisis

after crisis. I am so tired. My 2 kids are in their

20s, one is married, and

moving to San Diego in December. The other is going to

Costa Rica about then

too. They have been my only emotional support. They

are both healthy,

beautiful, I put every ounce of my life energy into

them so they wouldn't

come out like my siblings, so they would escape the

legacy of my horrible

family. When I have tried to make friends, my illness

puts them off, makes

them uncomfortable, and they just go away. I am alone

all the time.

I have accomplished a lot in my life and see nothing

ahead that I want to

do. The man I am with convinced me to file bankruptcy

saying he was here

now, there was no reason to be afraid of losing my

little & quot;safety net & quot; of

credit, I should get rid of the debt and he would pay

the court payments (I

had to file Chpt 13 because of the books I have

written - they are

considered assets that would be seized by the court in

Chapt 7 - now there

is a $700/mo pmt to the court for 4 years). He

promised me a million times

he would be here, he would pay for these things, he

wanted to provide a

space for me to finally be able to relax and live and

take care of my

illness and & nbsp; be loved. Then after I had made

several life altering

decisions, he dropped this atom bomb on me. Now I have

no credit for at

least 10 years. I don't even know how I will get

housing with no credit.

I hear what everyone says about suicide being selfish,

and your duty to your

children, but I don't know how to get from here to

there. My mother is

extremely sick and could die any day. My siblings,

because my family was so

destroyed by alcoholism, are completely cut off from

each other and none of

them will speak to me saying my illness is a bummer

and they don't want to

deal with me until I get well. I have nobody. Even my

cat died last month.

The only income I have is royalties from books I've

written, and I never

know how much or little it will be, plus my SSI

disability. I have been in

therapy for four years, and I don't see a whole lot of

change now from where

I was then. I have nobody to turn to who has the time

or inclination to help

me. All I see is that now that my ex fiancee is

leaving me, I'll have to

give up most of what I love (I am also an artist)

because I won't be able to

fit my equipment into a small apartment, get a tiny

place that I can live in

and just exist there by myself for the rest of my

life. I guess I'm supposed

to think this is a noble sacrifice I make so my kids

don't have to go

through the pain of losing me. When I can barely get

out of bed much less

move a household by myself, what am I to do? I am just

holding on from day

to day. Right now I have to go back to bed, even

though I have a list of

things to do a mile long. My body just won't do them.

I try and try to live

like a so called normal person but my body won't let

me. So I guess I'm

saying, let's get real here, what is there for

somebody to do who doesn't

have family there to take care of them, who doesn't

have a loving supportive

spouse, whose kids just want to get on with their

lives and can't be

burdened by their mother's illness -- and no one seems

to know or believe

how bad this pain really is, how debilitating, how

impossible it is to do

almost anything. Maybe because I have done the heroic

thing for so many

years, they don't believe me now. But I have run out

of steam. What would

you do? I keep trying to look at all the good things

in my life, but my body

won't do what is absolutely necessary for me to do --

find another place,

move, sell all my art equipment, stop being an artist,

pack, and on and on

and on.

Vimala

</tt>

<td align=center><font size= " -1 "

color=#003399>

August 28, 2001

My dearest Vimala I am oh so concerned about you and

wish I could do or say something that could help you.

If I had any money I would give to you, if I was well

enough to come and visit with you to give you comfort

at this time I would, if I could take away your pain

and anguish I would. But alas I cannot do any of these

things for you but what I can do for you is to tell

you I care.

Also with the knoweldge I have from the church I

attend I know that to take your own life, you will not

find peace, because the pain you feel will not leave

you and the regret you will feel will be even more

painful than what you face on the earth at this

moment. I don't mean to be harsh with these words but

I fear for you and don't want to see you go through

even greater pain.

Take each day as it comes and work at it so that you

achieve something on that day and then at the end of

the day look back and congratulate yourself on getting

through the day. Know too you are not alone you have a

Heavenly Father who loves and cares for you and will

not let you go through more than he knows you can cope

with. I know it must seem that you are going through

something you can see no end too and that the road is

all downhill, but Heavenly Father is waiting for you

to call on him. Have you ever read the poem

" Footprints on the sand " where it talks of Heavenly

Fathers footprints in the sand side by side to ours

when everything is going alright and then there is

only one set of prints in the sand when we have our

trials and tests in life and well we may ask why there

is only one set of prints in the sand had Heavenly

Father left us alone. But NO if we look at the prints

they are heavily sucken because that was the time that

Heavenly Father carried us. I don't have the full

words of the poem but remembered the layout of the

setting. So look to Heavenly Father and he will carry

you through the dark trials you face and remember that

when the world and your family forsake you, He will

never forsake you.

God bless

Lorraine UK

--- Vimala McClure wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

This seems to be a topic much on the minds of people

with FM and I don't

understand why doctors cannot see how horrific life

becomes when this

illness hits severely. My life has been completely

destroyed bit by bit over

the last 11 years. The man I loved and thought I would

spend my life with,

who helped me so much and was so great with dealing

with my FM, just came

home 2 weeks ago from a trip with his kids and told me

& quot;I am breaking our

engagement. I can't live with someone who can't hike

and ski. & quot; Nothing I

could do or say could change his mind. I could see in

his eyes he had

already left me. This is the 4th relationship and the

last. We've been

together a year and I did everything possible to

& quot;screen & quot; him, to make sure

he was okay with my illness, that he could handle it,

because I was ready to

not venture into another heartbreak that I knew might

kill me. I even put

off meeting him, just doing email for six weeks. There

were NO signs at all

that anything was wrong.

I have always been a positive person, have lifted

myself up out of crisis

after crisis. I am so tired. My 2 kids are in their

20s, one is married, and

moving to San Diego in December. The other is going to

Costa Rica about then

too. They have been my only emotional support. They

are both healthy,

beautiful, I put every ounce of my life energy into

them so they wouldn't

come out like my siblings, so they would escape the

legacy of my horrible

family. When I have tried to make friends, my illness

puts them off, makes

them uncomfortable, and they just go away. I am alone

all the time.

I have accomplished a lot in my life and see nothing

ahead that I want to

do. The man I am with convinced me to file bankruptcy

saying he was here

now, there was no reason to be afraid of losing my

little & quot;safety net & quot; of

credit, I should get rid of the debt and he would pay

the court payments (I

had to file Chpt 13 because of the books I have

written - they are

considered assets that would be seized by the court in

Chapt 7 - now there

is a $700/mo pmt to the court for 4 years). He

promised me a million times

he would be here, he would pay for these things, he

wanted to provide a

space for me to finally be able to relax and live and

take care of my

illness and & nbsp; be loved. Then after I had made

several life altering

decisions, he dropped this atom bomb on me. Now I have

no credit for at

least 10 years. I don't even know how I will get

housing with no credit.

I hear what everyone says about suicide being selfish,

and your duty to your

children, but I don't know how to get from here to

there. My mother is

extremely sick and could die any day. My siblings,

because my family was so

destroyed by alcoholism, are completely cut off from

each other and none of

them will speak to me saying my illness is a bummer

and they don't want to

deal with me until I get well. I have nobody. Even my

cat died last month.

The only income I have is royalties from books I've

written, and I never

know how much or little it will be, plus my SSI

disability. I have been in

therapy for four years, and I don't see a whole lot of

change now from where

I was then. I have nobody to turn to who has the time

or inclination to help

me. All I see is that now that my ex fiancee is

leaving me, I'll have to

give up most of what I love (I am also an artist)

because I won't be able to

fit my equipment into a small apartment, get a tiny

place that I can live in

and just exist there by myself for the rest of my

life. I guess I'm supposed

to think this is a noble sacrifice I make so my kids

don't have to go

through the pain of losing me. When I can barely get

out of bed much less

move a household by myself, what am I to do? I am just

holding on from day

to day. Right now I have to go back to bed, even

though I have a list of

things to do a mile long. My body just won't do them.

I try and try to live

like a so called normal person but my body won't let

me. So I guess I'm

saying, let's get real here, what is there for

somebody to do who doesn't

have family there to take care of them, who doesn't

have a loving supportive

spouse, whose kids just want to get on with their

lives and can't be

burdened by their mother's illness -- and no one seems

to know or believe

how bad this pain really is, how debilitating, how

impossible it is to do

almost anything. Maybe because I have done the heroic

thing for so many

years, they don't believe me now. But I have run out

of steam. What would

you do? I keep trying to look at all the good things

in my life, but my body

won't do what is absolutely necessary for me to do --

find another place,

move, sell all my art equipment, stop being an artist,

pack, and on and on

and on.

Vimala

</tt>

<td align=center><font size= " -1 "

color=#003399>

August 28, 2001

My dearest Vimala I am oh so concerned about you and

wish I could do or say something that could help you.

If I had any money I would give to you, if I was well

enough to come and visit with you to give you comfort

at this time I would, if I could take away your pain

and anguish I would. But alas I cannot do any of these

things for you but what I can do for you is to tell

you I care.

Also with the knoweldge I have from the church I

attend I know that to take your own life, you will not

find peace, because the pain you feel will not leave

you and the regret you will feel will be even more

painful than what you face on the earth at this

moment. I don't mean to be harsh with these words but

I fear for you and don't want to see you go through

even greater pain.

Take each day as it comes and work at it so that you

achieve something on that day and then at the end of

the day look back and congratulate yourself on getting

through the day. Know too you are not alone you have a

Heavenly Father who loves and cares for you and will

not let you go through more than he knows you can cope

with. I know it must seem that you are going through

something you can see no end too and that the road is

all downhill, but Heavenly Father is waiting for you

to call on him. Have you ever read the poem

" Footprints on the sand " where it talks of Heavenly

Fathers footprints in the sand side by side to ours

when everything is going alright and then there is

only one set of prints in the sand when we have our

trials and tests in life and well we may ask why there

is only one set of prints in the sand had Heavenly

Father left us alone. But NO if we look at the prints

they are heavily sucken because that was the time that

Heavenly Father carried us. I don't have the full

words of the poem but remembered the layout of the

setting. So look to Heavenly Father and he will carry

you through the dark trials you face and remember that

when the world and your family forsake you, He will

never forsake you.

God bless

Lorraine UK

--- Vimala McClure wrote:

<HR>

<tt>

This seems to be a topic much on the minds of people

with FM and I don't

understand why doctors cannot see how horrific life

becomes when this

illness hits severely. My life has been completely

destroyed bit by bit over

the last 11 years. The man I loved and thought I would

spend my life with,

who helped me so much and was so great with dealing

with my FM, just came

home 2 weeks ago from a trip with his kids and told me

& quot;I am breaking our

engagement. I can't live with someone who can't hike

and ski. & quot; Nothing I

could do or say could change his mind. I could see in

his eyes he had

already left me. This is the 4th relationship and the

last. We've been

together a year and I did everything possible to

& quot;screen & quot; him, to make sure

he was okay with my illness, that he could handle it,

because I was ready to

not venture into another heartbreak that I knew might

kill me. I even put

off meeting him, just doing email for six weeks. There

were NO signs at all

that anything was wrong.

I have always been a positive person, have lifted

myself up out of crisis

after crisis. I am so tired. My 2 kids are in their

20s, one is married, and

moving to San Diego in December. The other is going to

Costa Rica about then

too. They have been my only emotional support. They

are both healthy,

beautiful, I put every ounce of my life energy into

them so they wouldn't

come out like my siblings, so they would escape the

legacy of my horrible

family. When I have tried to make friends, my illness

puts them off, makes

them uncomfortable, and they just go away. I am alone

all the time.

I have accomplished a lot in my life and see nothing

ahead that I want to

do. The man I am with convinced me to file bankruptcy

saying he was here

now, there was no reason to be afraid of losing my

little & quot;safety net & quot; of

credit, I should get rid of the debt and he would pay

the court payments (I

had to file Chpt 13 because of the books I have

written - they are

considered assets that would be seized by the court in

Chapt 7 - now there

is a $700/mo pmt to the court for 4 years). He

promised me a million times

he would be here, he would pay for these things, he

wanted to provide a

space for me to finally be able to relax and live and

take care of my

illness and & nbsp; be loved. Then after I had made

several life altering

decisions, he dropped this atom bomb on me. Now I have

no credit for at

least 10 years. I don't even know how I will get

housing with no credit.

I hear what everyone says about suicide being selfish,

and your duty to your

children, but I don't know how to get from here to

there. My mother is

extremely sick and could die any day. My siblings,

because my family was so

destroyed by alcoholism, are completely cut off from

each other and none of

them will speak to me saying my illness is a bummer

and they don't want to

deal with me until I get well. I have nobody. Even my

cat died last month.

The only income I have is royalties from books I've

written, and I never

know how much or little it will be, plus my SSI

disability. I have been in

therapy for four years, and I don't see a whole lot of

change now from where

I was then. I have nobody to turn to who has the time

or inclination to help

me. All I see is that now that my ex fiancee is

leaving me, I'll have to

give up most of what I love (I am also an artist)

because I won't be able to

fit my equipment into a small apartment, get a tiny

place that I can live in

and just exist there by myself for the rest of my

life. I guess I'm supposed

to think this is a noble sacrifice I make so my kids

don't have to go

through the pain of losing me. When I can barely get

out of bed much less

move a household by myself, what am I to do? I am just

holding on from day

to day. Right now I have to go back to bed, even

though I have a list of

things to do a mile long. My body just won't do them.

I try and try to live

like a so called normal person but my body won't let

me. So I guess I'm

saying, let's get real here, what is there for

somebody to do who doesn't

have family there to take care of them, who doesn't

have a loving supportive

spouse, whose kids just want to get on with their

lives and can't be

burdened by their mother's illness -- and no one seems

to know or believe

how bad this pain really is, how debilitating, how

impossible it is to do

almost anything. Maybe because I have done the heroic

thing for so many

years, they don't believe me now. But I have run out

of steam. What would

you do? I keep trying to look at all the good things

in my life, but my body

won't do what is absolutely necessary for me to do --

find another place,

move, sell all my art equipment, stop being an artist,

pack, and on and on

and on.

Vimala

</tt>

<td align=center><font size= " -1 "

color=#003399>

August 28, 2001

Vimala:

My heart was breaking when I read your post but listen

to me....you have to survive!!! My situation is

similar to yours in many ways. I had to swallow my

pride and eat crow and then I sat on the pity-pot for

years hating God, hating life, hating everyone;

especially my dsyfunctional family for my fate. I had

a life of great potential. I could have been anything

or had anything I wanted; especially security and a

FUTURE!!! But my illness ruined all my attempts to

reach my goals. This may be tough LOVE, but you must

do what you must do. No, you can't think of

committing suicide. You have too much to contribute

to the world. You are a brilliant, talented, gifted

woman with two children who love you. But you must

try to live on your SSI and in time, your art-work

will supplement you. It will take time. I felt as if I

hit rock-bottom when I could no longer work and had to

learn how to survive on SSI. I have a 14 year old

daughter and as you well know, they don't give you

enough to live on. We have had to live in poverty for

several years now. I am not saying that you get used

to it. Especially at our age when we have had a

lifetime of conveniences. You learn how to make do

with the little that you do have. You learn how to

make sacrifices. And when you DO manage to save a

little and have something extra, it is a very special,

happy time:) I am not trying to be preachy and I hope

I haven't offended you or anyone else on the list with

my honesty. I just wanted this e-mail to be for YOU

VIMALA so that you can know that you WILL survive. It

gets easier as time goes on. If I can do it, you can

do it. Be strong.

With love and prayers,

Lynne

=====

~Lynne

Palmdale, California (Mojave desert)

Age 50

Single Mom of 14 year old daughter

Have had CFS/Fibro since the age of 17

Have a female Rottweiler, a male Malamute/Wolf hybrid, and a male roller canary

Have been on SSI for two and a half years (finally)

__________________________________________________

August 28, 2001

Vimala:

My heart was breaking when I read your post but listen

to me....you have to survive!!! My situation is

similar to yours in many ways. I had to swallow my

pride and eat crow and then I sat on the pity-pot for

years hating God, hating life, hating everyone;

especially my dsyfunctional family for my fate. I had

a life of great potential. I could have been anything

or had anything I wanted; especially security and a

FUTURE!!! But my illness ruined all my attempts to

reach my goals. This may be tough LOVE, but you must

do what you must do. No, you can't think of

committing suicide. You have too much to contribute

to the world. You are a brilliant, talented, gifted

woman with two children who love you. But you must

try to live on your SSI and in time, your art-work

will supplement you. It will take time. I felt as if I

hit rock-bottom when I could no longer work and had to

learn how to survive on SSI. I have a 14 year old

daughter and as you well know, they don't give you

enough to live on. We have had to live in poverty for

several years now. I am not saying that you get used

to it. Especially at our age when we have had a

lifetime of conveniences. You learn how to make do

with the little that you do have. You learn how to

make sacrifices. And when you DO manage to save a

little and have something extra, it is a very special,

happy time:) I am not trying to be preachy and I hope

I haven't offended you or anyone else on the list with

my honesty. I just wanted this e-mail to be for YOU

VIMALA so that you can know that you WILL survive. It

gets easier as time goes on. If I can do it, you can

do it. Be strong.

With love and prayers,

Lynne

=====

~Lynne

Palmdale, California (Mojave desert)

Age 50

Single Mom of 14 year old daughter

Have had CFS/Fibro since the age of 17

Have a female Rottweiler, a male Malamute/Wolf hybrid, and a male roller canary

Have been on SSI for two and a half years (finally)

__________________________________________________

August 28, 2001

Vimala:

My heart was breaking when I read your post but listen

to me....you have to survive!!! My situation is

similar to yours in many ways. I had to swallow my

pride and eat crow and then I sat on the pity-pot for

years hating God, hating life, hating everyone;

especially my dsyfunctional family for my fate. I had

a life of great potential. I could have been anything

or had anything I wanted; especially security and a

FUTURE!!! But my illness ruined all my attempts to

reach my goals. This may be tough LOVE, but you must

do what you must do. No, you can't think of

committing suicide. You have too much to contribute

to the world. You are a brilliant, talented, gifted

woman with two children who love you. But you must

try to live on your SSI and in time, your art-work

will supplement you. It will take time. I felt as if I

hit rock-bottom when I could no longer work and had to

learn how to survive on SSI. I have a 14 year old

daughter and as you well know, they don't give you

enough to live on. We have had to live in poverty for

several years now. I am not saying that you get used

to it. Especially at our age when we have had a

lifetime of conveniences. You learn how to make do

with the little that you do have. You learn how to

make sacrifices. And when you DO manage to save a

little and have something extra, it is a very special,

happy time:) I am not trying to be preachy and I hope

I haven't offended you or anyone else on the list with

my honesty. I just wanted this e-mail to be for YOU

VIMALA so that you can know that you WILL survive. It

gets easier as time goes on. If I can do it, you can

do it. Be strong.

With love and prayers,

Lynne

=====

~Lynne

Palmdale, California (Mojave desert)

Age 50

Single Mom of 14 year old daughter

Have had CFS/Fibro since the age of 17

Have a female Rottweiler, a male Malamute/Wolf hybrid, and a male roller canary

Have been on SSI for two and a half years (finally)

__________________________________________________

September 14, 2001

Lorraine,

In response to your answering my post . Thank you so much! You sound like

such a caring person just by reading all of the posts you have written and I

thank you for them. Instead of getting into what the dr. said most of it is

on a post to Ken under Lumps and bumps so you can read it there instead of me

writing it again. It doesn't cover all of it but does talk about most of what

he said.. Thank you again for your kind words. Take care of yourself!

September 14, 2001

Lorraine,

In response to your answering my post . Thank you so much! You sound like

such a caring person just by reading all of the posts you have written and I

thank you for them. Instead of getting into what the dr. said most of it is

on a post to Ken under Lumps and bumps so you can read it there instead of me

writing it again. It doesn't cover all of it but does talk about most of what

he said.. Thank you again for your kind words. Take care of yourself!

July 12, 2004

Well speaking of palliative that is really what hopsice is for. I don't

think anyone

should suffer unnecessarily but I don't think I could assist in their

passing. I would

pray that grace would open their hearts and they could reconcile themselves

with

help. Life is a G ift and even if it is a circle that will end temporarily it

should be in

it's own time. Just a thougt. Faith is a gift,not everyone has it. I have

been blessed as have many on this board. We will pray that peace will wend its

way home and truly

a mracle may occur. The powes of God are awesome both in spirit and body

July 12, 2004

Well speaking of palliative that is really what hopsice is for. I don't

think anyone

should suffer unnecessarily but I don't think I could assist in their

passing. I would

pray that grace would open their hearts and they could reconcile themselves

with

help. Life is a G ift and even if it is a circle that will end temporarily it

should be in

it's own time. Just a thougt. Faith is a gift,not everyone has it. I have

been blessed as have many on this board. We will pray that peace will wend its

way home and truly

a mracle may occur. The powes of God are awesome both in spirit and body

July 12, 2004

Well speaking of palliative that is really what hopsice is for. I don't

think anyone

should suffer unnecessarily but I don't think I could assist in their

passing. I would

pray that grace would open their hearts and they could reconcile themselves

with

help. Life is a G ift and even if it is a circle that will end temporarily it

should be in

it's own time. Just a thougt. Faith is a gift,not everyone has it. I have

been blessed as have many on this board. We will pray that peace will wend its

way home and truly

a mracle may occur. The powes of God are awesome both in spirit and body

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