Re: Self Nurturing - Becoming Whole

[Guest guest]

i can only say how i have attempted this: by deciding that this is my goal,

being gentle with myself when i fall short (yet again!).. and praying a little

for guidance and opportunity to succeed.. works for me.. don't know about you,

as each of us is a little different. but with faith and diligence and some work

it is being done, for me.  good luck in your quest!happy thanksgiving

everybody,ann

Subject: Self Nurturing - Becoming Whole

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, November 25, 2010, 12:18 AM

 

I wanted to know how people are nurturing, self parenting and becoming

whole. How are you countering the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) through the

holidays? How do we start caring about ourselves rather than punish ourselves

for not living up to or BP nada and NP fada expectation for taking care of them

during the holidays?

[Guest guest]

i can only say how i have attempted this: by deciding that this is my goal,

being gentle with myself when i fall short (yet again!).. and praying a little

for guidance and opportunity to succeed.. works for me.. don't know about you,

as each of us is a little different. but with faith and diligence and some work

it is being done, for me.  good luck in your quest!happy thanksgiving

everybody,ann

Subject: Self Nurturing - Becoming Whole

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, November 25, 2010, 12:18 AM

 

I wanted to know how people are nurturing, self parenting and becoming

whole. How are you countering the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) through the

holidays? How do we start caring about ourselves rather than punish ourselves

for not living up to or BP nada and NP fada expectation for taking care of them

during the holidays?

[Guest guest]

i can only say how i have attempted this: by deciding that this is my goal,

being gentle with myself when i fall short (yet again!).. and praying a little

for guidance and opportunity to succeed.. works for me.. don't know about you,

as each of us is a little different. but with faith and diligence and some work

it is being done, for me.  good luck in your quest!happy thanksgiving

everybody,ann

Subject: Self Nurturing - Becoming Whole

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, November 25, 2010, 12:18 AM

 

I wanted to know how people are nurturing, self parenting and becoming

whole. How are you countering the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) through the

holidays? How do we start caring about ourselves rather than punish ourselves

for not living up to or BP nada and NP fada expectation for taking care of them

during the holidays?

[Guest guest]

*How are you countering the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) through the

holidays?*

I plan to send nada a Christmas card and wish her well, but without sharing any

news other than that I am fine. That's the best I can do for now.

*How do we start caring about ourselves rather than punish ourselves for not

living up to or BP nada and NP fada expectation for taking care of them during

the holidays?*

For me, its coming to understand and accept that its not my job to " take care

of " my nada's feelings at any time of the year, not just during the holidays.

Its her job to make herself happy; its my job to make myself happy.

Also, growing to understand and accept that my nada's expectations of me have

always been absurdly unrealistic and inappropriate. Demanding perfection in all

things from one's child and *inflicting punishment/degradation/shame for not

being able to achieve the unachievable* is cruel. Placing one's child in a

perpetual no-win situation so that self-esteem is utterly destroyed is a

sadistic form of emotional abuse. I didn't deserve abuse when I was growing up

nor do I deserve it now.

So, for me its becoming emotionally detached from nada, so that I no longer care

that nada thinks of me as a disappointment.

My Sister led the way in this respect; she told me quite a while ago, now, that

the only way she could continue to spend any time with our mother was to think

of nada as just another one of the unfortunate disturbed clients Sister's been

trained to help. Sister doesn't hate our nada, she treats nada with the same

basic respect that she treats any other fellow human being, she just doesn't

think of nada as her mother any longer.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

I nurture myself by depriving my FOO of my presence almost completely. I counter

FOG with time spent alone, and with those who truly love me, and manifesting

clarity and truth every day. During the holidays I celebrate, any way I damn

well please.

>

> I wanted to know how people are nurturing, self parenting and becoming whole.

How are you countering the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) through the

holidays? How do we start caring about ourselves rather than punish ourselves

for not living up to or BP nada and NP fada expectation for taking care of them

during the holidays?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for sharing.

Here is what I did.

" The Burden " was a card I drew from the Osho Zen Tarot deck.

Before I drew this card I got out my little dolls of nada and fada...the

crazy owl and penguin. I talked to them about Thanksgiving. I told them that I

didn't remember a really happy TG with them because there was always something

that I did that they didn't like. I told them that this TG was not different

except that I wasn't going to be there to hear all the criticism. I wished them

a happy TG but told them it wasn't up to me to make it happy for them. And they

could not make my TG happy for me. There is nothing that they need to do to

make my TG happier. I am happy to be with my family.

Then I got the Burden card.

Here is what it says.

" When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we

become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. " Go

faster, try harder, reach the top! " shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his

shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.

If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave,

it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk

without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer,

your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them

until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others

but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your own mind, but

that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. it's time to lighten up and send

them on their way.

The Burden

A Man's true Life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on

him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being,

and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot

become your soul. There is no way to make the nonessential essential. The

nonessential remains nonessential and the essential remains essential, they are

not convertible. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more

confusion. The truth has not to be achieved. It cannot be achieved, it is

already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped.

The moment the lie disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance.

In the " seeing " of the lie it disappears, and what is left is the truth.

I truly had one of the best Thanksgivings with friends that I have had in

years!!!

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for sharing.

Here is what I did.

" The Burden " was a card I drew from the Osho Zen Tarot deck.

Before I drew this card I got out my little dolls of nada and fada...the

crazy owl and penguin. I talked to them about Thanksgiving. I told them that I

didn't remember a really happy TG with them because there was always something

that I did that they didn't like. I told them that this TG was not different

except that I wasn't going to be there to hear all the criticism. I wished them

a happy TG but told them it wasn't up to me to make it happy for them. And they

could not make my TG happy for me. There is nothing that they need to do to

make my TG happier. I am happy to be with my family.

Then I got the Burden card.

Here is what it says.

" When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we

become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. " Go

faster, try harder, reach the top! " shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his

shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.

If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave,

it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk

without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer,

your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them

until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others

but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your own mind, but

that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. it's time to lighten up and send

them on their way.

The Burden

A Man's true Life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on

him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being,

and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot

become your soul. There is no way to make the nonessential essential. The

nonessential remains nonessential and the essential remains essential, they are

not convertible. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more

confusion. The truth has not to be achieved. It cannot be achieved, it is

already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped.

The moment the lie disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance.

In the " seeing " of the lie it disappears, and what is left is the truth.

I truly had one of the best Thanksgivings with friends that I have had in

years!!!

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for sharing.

Here is what I did.

" The Burden " was a card I drew from the Osho Zen Tarot deck.

Before I drew this card I got out my little dolls of nada and fada...the

crazy owl and penguin. I talked to them about Thanksgiving. I told them that I

didn't remember a really happy TG with them because there was always something

that I did that they didn't like. I told them that this TG was not different

except that I wasn't going to be there to hear all the criticism. I wished them

a happy TG but told them it wasn't up to me to make it happy for them. And they

could not make my TG happy for me. There is nothing that they need to do to

make my TG happier. I am happy to be with my family.

Then I got the Burden card.

Here is what it says.

" When we carry a load of shoulds and shouldn'ts imposed on us by others we

become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. " Go

faster, try harder, reach the top! " shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his

shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.

If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave,

it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk

without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer,

your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them

until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others

but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your own mind, but

that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. it's time to lighten up and send

them on their way.

The Burden

A Man's true Life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on

him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being,

and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot

become your soul. There is no way to make the nonessential essential. The

nonessential remains nonessential and the essential remains essential, they are

not convertible. And striving towards truth is nothing but creating more

confusion. The truth has not to be achieved. It cannot be achieved, it is

already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped.

The moment the lie disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance.

In the " seeing " of the lie it disappears, and what is left is the truth.

I truly had one of the best Thanksgivings with friends that I have had in

years!!!