Thank God for this group....

[Guest guest]

I don't post often but I read, learn and pray with you all daily.

I'm so tired. Colon cancer is clustering in my family. My

grandmother passed away on December 13th of colon cancer.

She was 93 when she was first diagnosed and because of her

age she opted not to have treatment. She had no pain or

discomfort and her quality of life did not decline literally until the

month before she died. During that period a cousin, my

grandmothers niece, was diagnosed with it. She was stage 2

and hers was corrected with surgery - so far so good. At this

point no one recognized a pattern. Then, my mother was

diagnosed in October of last year. You can imagine our alarm!

We've all been dealing with the grief of the loss of my

grandmother, which you are NEVER prepared for, the fear of

recurrence with my cousin and the hope that treatment will help

my mother . And as if that were not enough I just learned

yesterday that another cousin has been diagnosised with it. Like

my mother, stage 4.

I am simply exhausted by the presense of cancer in my life. I

know that is selfish because I don't have it myself. But

yesterdays news knocked the little bit of wind I'm constantly

grasping for anyway right out of my sails. So much of my mental

and spiritual energy is consumed by warding off the looming

threat of this disease. It's just so sinister and I'm so angry, tired,

sick to death of crying and profoundly frustrated!!!!

My mother always says that you can walk out on a crowded street

at any time of the day, throw a stone and hit 20 people on the

head who have it worse than you, not to mention the bump they

now have on their head! She is a very good and wise woman my

mother. I know that she is right and I almost feel ashamed

venting this way. None the less, it helps somehow...

Thanks for listening to my tantrum.

michelle