Re:did your nada (or fada) ever actually play with you when you were li

[Guest guest]

My nada never played with me when I was a child.

She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often but

that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason she

loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not allowed

to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who was very

much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was 16, nada

asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would be

'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took the

Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of course

the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my so-called

friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of Wisk in my

mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I choked. So

did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin box trimmed

in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was not anything

of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond heart pendant!

[Guest guest]

My nada never played with me when I was a child.

She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often but

that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason she

loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not allowed

to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who was very

much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was 16, nada

asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would be

'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took the

Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of course

the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my so-called

friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of Wisk in my

mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I choked. So

did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin box trimmed

in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was not anything

of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond heart pendant!

[Guest guest]

My nada never played with me when I was a child.

She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often but

that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason she

loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not allowed

to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who was very

much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was 16, nada

asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would be

'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took the

Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of course

the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my so-called

friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of Wisk in my

mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I choked. So

did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin box trimmed

in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was not anything

of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond heart pendant!

[Guest guest]

What an eerie coincidence. When I was a young teen my nada did almost exactly

the same thing one Halloween. She dressed in one of dad's old coats and an old

hat, wore a semi-transparent " old homeless guy " mask, and went " trick or

treating " with a friend of hers in our neighborhood. Mine didn't go so far as

to extract fake poop from her pants, but, she did have a cigar with her. At

least mine did this on her own and didn't force me to accompany her. Ugh.

That one incident alone, paying/rewarding an older child to be your " warden " and

to hold you down while your nada tried to pour " Wisk " laundry detergent down

your throat , seems not only highly sadistic to me but also constitutes criminal

child abuse. She should have done some jail time for that, in my opinion, if

there was any real justice in this world, and you should have been removed from

her " care " for your own safety. That, and cheating on her husband with a known

child rapist and exposing her own child to said pedophile, would indicate to me

that your nada was over in the deep end of the crazy pool, more like antisocial

pd or even psychopathic pd than just bpd. I'm no psychologist and can't

diagnose anybody, that's just my own personal opinion.

I'm so sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment. Its amazing that you

survived at all.

-Annie

>

> My nada never played with me when I was a child.

>

> She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often

but that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason

she loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

>

> She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

>

> So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not

allowed to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who

was very much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was

16, nada asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would

be 'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took

the Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of

course the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my

so-called friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of

Wisk in my mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I

choked. So did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin

box trimmed in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was

not anything of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond

heart pendant!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What an eerie coincidence. When I was a young teen my nada did almost exactly

the same thing one Halloween. She dressed in one of dad's old coats and an old

hat, wore a semi-transparent " old homeless guy " mask, and went " trick or

treating " with a friend of hers in our neighborhood. Mine didn't go so far as

to extract fake poop from her pants, but, she did have a cigar with her. At

least mine did this on her own and didn't force me to accompany her. Ugh.

That one incident alone, paying/rewarding an older child to be your " warden " and

to hold you down while your nada tried to pour " Wisk " laundry detergent down

your throat , seems not only highly sadistic to me but also constitutes criminal

child abuse. She should have done some jail time for that, in my opinion, if

there was any real justice in this world, and you should have been removed from

her " care " for your own safety. That, and cheating on her husband with a known

child rapist and exposing her own child to said pedophile, would indicate to me

that your nada was over in the deep end of the crazy pool, more like antisocial

pd or even psychopathic pd than just bpd. I'm no psychologist and can't

diagnose anybody, that's just my own personal opinion.

I'm so sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment. Its amazing that you

survived at all.

-Annie

>

> My nada never played with me when I was a child.

>

> She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often

but that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason

she loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

>

> She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

>

> So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not

allowed to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who

was very much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was

16, nada asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would

be 'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took

the Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of

course the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my

so-called friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of

Wisk in my mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I

choked. So did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin

box trimmed in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was

not anything of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond

heart pendant!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

What an eerie coincidence. When I was a young teen my nada did almost exactly

the same thing one Halloween. She dressed in one of dad's old coats and an old

hat, wore a semi-transparent " old homeless guy " mask, and went " trick or

treating " with a friend of hers in our neighborhood. Mine didn't go so far as

to extract fake poop from her pants, but, she did have a cigar with her. At

least mine did this on her own and didn't force me to accompany her. Ugh.

That one incident alone, paying/rewarding an older child to be your " warden " and

to hold you down while your nada tried to pour " Wisk " laundry detergent down

your throat , seems not only highly sadistic to me but also constitutes criminal

child abuse. She should have done some jail time for that, in my opinion, if

there was any real justice in this world, and you should have been removed from

her " care " for your own safety. That, and cheating on her husband with a known

child rapist and exposing her own child to said pedophile, would indicate to me

that your nada was over in the deep end of the crazy pool, more like antisocial

pd or even psychopathic pd than just bpd. I'm no psychologist and can't

diagnose anybody, that's just my own personal opinion.

I'm so sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment. Its amazing that you

survived at all.

-Annie

>

> My nada never played with me when I was a child.

>

> She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often

but that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason

she loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

>

> She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

>

> So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not

allowed to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who

was very much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was

16, nada asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would

be 'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took

the Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of

course the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my

so-called friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of

Wisk in my mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I

choked. So did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin

box trimmed in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was

not anything of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond

heart pendant!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Annie! I am writing a book all about my life with nada which the few

people who have read excerpts from it can't put down. Very compelling stuff! I

am doing it to help others recognize they have a BPD in their lives as well as

to help them cope and heal.

My stepfather was never convicted nor found by a court to BE a pedaphile but my

two cousins told me about it when I was at the one and only " Family Christmas

Reunion " my now ex and I went to about 13 years ago. He was never convicted

because, of course, my cousin and my cousin's child would not press charges so

it was kept 'hush hush' in the family until that Christmas Eve Reunion when the

one said how happy she was that Eddie (my stepfather) and my nada did NOT

attend and she had sent us in their place as " Eddie was too ill " but anyway I

wasn't at all surprised when that came out as he had tried to attack me sexually

in my bedroom in the middle of the night when I was 19. I was too old for him

to get away with anything of course and had the strength to get his hand off my

mouth and then whisper loudly and angrily " If you don't get out of my room NOW,

I will scream for my mother and she will KNOW what you're trying to do " . I

moved out on them almost immediately after that and to this day nada has NO idea

why and yet BLAMES me for 'leaving her'. To her he is St. now that he

has passed who never did a THING wrong and she is perfection personified. She

is almost 90; has dementia and a lot of very severe health issues and is very,

very close to the end of her life so I see no reason to bring any of it up now.

My cousins, of course always played nicey nice to them because they are greedy

and materialistic, snobbish bitches who were and are after what is now nada's $

and would never rock the boat by telling about it. My cousin who he pedaphiled

even attended his funeral, which to me was unthinkable! Yes there IS

forgiveness, but for something that grave, I would not have gone if I were her

nor would I have gone if I were her sister whose 5 year old child he

pedaphiled!!!! So yes he got away with everything and nada never knew and still

doesn't of course. Oh I would LOVE to tell her but at this point why. I can

only hope that in the end when she passes she knows all and realizes why I left

her like I did back then. I was a virgin and afraid for my own safety and

that's why. I always saw that look on his face of lust for me after that and he

was writing me filthy X-rated letters the last year and a half of his life about

what he wanted to do to me and how I was 'his' and 'was not to allow another man

to touch me'. SICK, SICK, SICK! I had thought of showing nada those letters

after he passed but threw them all out a long time ago. Knowing nada even if

she DID see them in his own writing, she would say I seduced HIM and started the

whole thing.

Nada did manage to get a tiny bit of Wisk down my throat and to this day I can't

look at a bottle of Wisk without remembering that day. Nada has seen the

perpetrator (my so-called best friend Betty who she picked for me when I was 8

and she was 12 as the ONLY friend she would let me associate with) a few years

ago and wanted me to get in touch with her, but of course I wouldn't. I have no

use for her and even then didn't even like her. Nada could get her to do her

bidding with me as long as she was 'paid' for her 'services' such as that

incident which was the worst one, but anyway it's my past and it is what it is.

Back then there were no child abuse laws I don't believe. Yes she could have

been brought up on charges for the Wisk perhaps as that goes beyond child abuse

I believe, but who was going to tell on her? If I did, she would have killed me

and I was too timid and afraid of her to tell anyone. My father though loving

in his quiet way was always working and never home so he didn't know what was

going on and nada made sure I was never alone with him when he WAS home.

There were incidents when the abuse she caused to me WERE seen by my father but

those times were very rare and she always managed to cover her tracks well so my

father thought they were 'accidents I caused'. When I was 2, she took my hands

and burned them on the gas stove and told me 'hot hot don't touch' and when my

father came home and saw the burns, he had a fit but she screamed, " she's ONLY 2

and a handful! I can't be expected to watch her every minute! She did it to

herself when I wasn't looking " . I wasn't a handful. I was an extremely timid,

shy child who was afraid of her and wouldn't do a THING nada considered wrong

for fear she would beat me which she would have if I looked at her cross eyed.

If any child in the town or neighborhood did anything wrong and nada heard about

it, she would beat me and say 'that's so YOU don't do it'. I had wound up with

third degree burns from that incident as my father insisted they take me to the

emergency room where she lied to the doctor and told him the same story. There

are other incidents too and one was a lot more horrific than that one as it

ruined me for life and that occurred on a daily basis until I was old enough to

run away from her and lock her out of the bathroom. Suffice to say it was

sexual abuse and when I was 13 and got my period for the first time I was

hemorraging so badly my nada thought I was going to die so she took me down to

the emergency room where the doctor there did a quick gynecological exam and I

heard him say on the other side of the curtain to her afterward " I have never

seen a young girl who is a virgin so scarred inside on her one ovary. She will

never be able to conceive. " True I never could obviously as I never did. To

this day on Mother's Day in particular when I see small children with their

loving mothers, I get teary eyed because she robbed me of ever being a mother.

I love kids, but now at 60 years old of course I wouldn't want any even if I

could, but anyway just another sadistic thing nada did to me.

My 4th grade teacher who I ran into at the library in my hometown where we both

lived at the time when I was in my 50's asked me if I had been abused by nada

when I was her student, and I said yes. She said, " I thought so. It's been a

question I wanted answered all these years " . But of course back then teachers

didn't have to report abuse or suspected abuse which is, in my mind, just plain

wrong.

Nada is now almost 90 and having regular transient mini-strokes and falling.

She hit her forehead which got a goose egg sized lump; broke her nose (BIG gash

I understand from a neighbor who helps nada); black eyes which were almost

swollen shut the next day and a cut down the side of her mouth to her chin when

she hit the sink vanity from her 'dizzy spell' and laid on the bathroom floor

she said for 45 minutes blinded. She then crawled to the living room to her

chair and stayed there for the entire day. Of course she never called 911

because she is deathly afraid the people there would put her in a nursing home

which at this point she should be in, but I am grateful as awful as that sounds

that she feels like that. She has said in the past several times over the last

few years that if ANYONE told her they were putting her in a nursing home, she

would take an overdose of painkillers which she has (I saw them on my last trip

down there). They are opium based and an overdose would kill her easily. She

has attempted several times in the past years ago and I saved her twice myself

for a lot less serious reasons. She wants to die at home where my stepfather

did so so be it. There is nothing I can do and nothing she will do.

[Guest guest]

Hi Marilyn,

Thanks for this post. It reminds me to be thankful for my less severe past. I

know all abuse is serious, but I can't imagine going through what you survived.

Bless you for sharing and writing about it and being a better person yourself.

It reminds me of that saying, " I was sad I had no shoes until I saw a man who

had no feet. " Makes me want to take my nada out Christmas shopping! :-)

>

> My nada never played with me when I was a child.

>

> She would dress up in a Halloween outfit until I was about 10 every so often

but that would be it. Nada only did what NADA wanted to do and for some reason

she loved Halloween! When I was 8 she dressed up like " Diamond Jim Brady " in my

father's long underwear with a trap door which she had dyed red; a 'diamond

stick pin' in the collar; an ugly man's plastic mask with a cigar butt hanging

out of the mask's mouth; and a man's wig on her head. To make matters worse,

she dyed cotton balls which she had rubbed with her hands into (pardon the

grossness of this) poop shapes brown and would open the trap door and pull them

out when we'd go to the neighbors. She laughed about how much fun it was this

past Halloween when she called me! I was mortified! She also brought with her

an unlit cigar which the one neighbor who smoked cigars lit for her and made her

take a puff (my nada never smoked). She choked of course as I recall. Anyway

I was MORTIFIED!

>

> She ACTED like a big kid and when she started cheating on my father who was

wonderful with my stepfather who was an abusive, pediphile to my cousin who was

5 at the time and my older cousin's 5 year old child many years later,

controlling, abusive s.o.b., when I was 15, she would read me the X-rated

letters he wrote to her gleefully as if I were her FRIEND and the same age and

not her DAUGHTER!

>

> So those are the only two instances when she played with me. I was not

allowed to play with any other children except the one little abusive witch who

was very much like her who as 4 years older than me. When I was 12 and she was

16, nada asked her to hold me down and force my mouth open for which she would

be 'handsomely rewarded'. Of course this vile little brat did it and nada took

the Wisk cap filled with Wisk and put it into my mouth. I had struggled of

course the whole time lying on the rec room carpeting to get away from my

so-called friend and nada but they were too strong for me. I got a tiny bit of

Wisk in my mouth I recall and it burned all the way down. Nada laughed as I

choked. So did my so-called friend. Nada then handed her a small black satin

box trimmed in gold as her 'reward' and for 'being my GOOD daughter'. She was

not anything of the kind of course. The box contained a 14 kt. gold diamond

heart pendant!

>

>

>

>