Re: What is normal? A guess, anyone?

November 23, 2010

I think everyone has some irrational thoughts, feelings and

beliefs. I think the difference between mentally ill and normal

is that the irrational stuff doesn't cause difficulties in the

day-to-day lives of normal people. When the irrational stuff

starts interfering with daily life and having normal

relationships with various other people, that's when it turns

into mental illness.

Much of what defines mental illness is normal behavior done

inappropriately or taken to wild extremes. Besides the stuff

that is just plain irrational, a lot of the things that our

nadas (and fadas in some cases) do are grossly exagerated normal

behavior or behavior that is appropriate for toddlers rather

than adults. It is normal for people to feel upset when they're

insulted. Feeling insulted and thus getting upset every time

someone disagrees with you is not normal. Wanting to have a

close relationship with your adult children is normal. Wanting

them to be so close that there is no separation between you is

mentally ill. I can't see anything abnormal about enjoying

playing with your child or celebrating a holidays with him. If

you took it to an extreme and didn't allow your son to play with

other children because you wanted him as your playmate all the

time, that would be taking it to the level of mental illness.

At 12:57 PM 11/23/2010 coalminersdotter wrote:

>I noticed in some posts that others mirrored my feeling of

>being guilty or feeling afraid we had done something wrong when

>people expressed negative feelings here. Is this KO stuff or

>just a normal human reaction?

>

>Also, I have many reactions I would label " immature " or

> " BPD-ish " . For example, I feel like many of you may actually

>not like me or my posts. Or that my posts are too long. I

>feel a little bad if people don't reply to my threads. Then, I

>realize this is childish and that the issue is just not

>particularly relevant at that time or whatever. Also, you all

>have replied in abundance and helped meet my needs for support

>so overwhelmingly! I think the insecurity is just a flea?

>

>Anyway, I know this is getting pretty personal, maybe not

>something we like to admit, but do any of you have these types

>of reactions in life? I notice that I can be childish with my

>own children. Sometimes this seems good because I am a " fun "

>mom. I play with them a lot. Babysitters talk about how fun

>it is to work for us because the kids get to play outside a

>lot, have pets, etc. But I think I do this for me because I am

>being a kid with them a little bit. Is this just normal,

>healthy childlike joy or BPD-type behavior? (For example, I am

>REALLY looking forward to Thanksgiving with my 8 year-old son

>because we are hosting the party and going to have party favors

>and decorate! It seems so fun to me.)

>

>I think the key difference between normal human emotion and

>disordered behavior is that we monitor ourselves and stop

>irrational thoughts, whereas someone with BPD does not see the

>problem at all. Or is " normal " defined by not having these

>irrational thoughts/feelings/beliefs at all?

>

>-Coal Miner's Daughter

--

Katrina

November 23, 2010

>

> I noticed in some posts that others mirrored my feeling of being guilty or

feeling afraid we had done something wrong when people expressed negative

feelings here. Is this KO stuff or just a normal human reaction?

>

I say, it's KO stuff. We are especially programmed to react this way because we

have been taught to believe that anybody else's injury is somehow our fault.

> Also, I have many reactions I would label " immature " or " BPD-ish " . For

example, I feel like many of you may actually not like me or my posts. Or that

my posts are too long. I feel a little bad if people don't reply to my threads.

Then, I realize this is childish and that the issue is just not particularly

relevant at that time or whatever. Also, you all have replied in abundance and

helped meet my needs for support so overwhelmingly! I think the insecurity is

just a flea?

>

I agree, I think this is a flea. But you are not alone in feeling that way,

especially here where we've all had fleas--we're not going to judge you for

having them. I think many of us are taught to expect that we are not liked, and

that we work really hard to win the approval of others. I think your feelings

are typical of someone raised by a BPD parent.

kt

November 23, 2010

Hi I just did an advance search under author " Coal " . I briefly went over all

your posts. I think they were wonderful. Your prespective, advice, sharing,

questions are very validate and meaningful to me. Feel good about yourself. You

voiced something that probably everyone thinks about.

I disagree with the other posters mental illness criteria my definition is

closer to yours.

Sue

November 23, 2010

Dear Katrina, KT, and Sue,

I would like to thank you sincerely for responding to my post. Your

affirmations were very helpful and encouraging, and replies regarding the

definition of sanity enlightening.

Another reason I think I may not have BPD :-) is that I feel supported and

filled up in my heart and soul. If I understand it right, people with BPD

always feel empty. That kind of emptiness must be horrible.

By the way, does anyone here feel like other people are mad at them frequently?

(It doesn't help that many people in my family are mad at me, talking about me,

posting on facebook about me, etc. etc. etc. I know this is true because the

other ones tell me. ha ha)

But I mean do you feel this way about people who aren't mad at you? For

example, I have noticed that I ask my husband like 2 or 3 times a day, " Are you

mad at me? " This must get quite annoying...

November 23, 2010

First,I always feel harshly judged and critcized. In my life I always was

harshly judged and found guilty of everything in my FOO as being my fault.

Secondly, I don't have an appeasement personality because I have lived so long

with someone(and fada and sister) who I could never appease that now I am firmly

against giving into ours over myself. Thirdly, I am a scapegoat and somehow

everyone who desires to recognizes my instinct to accept all fault and being

overly responsible for everything.

> But I mean do you feel this way about people who aren't mad at you?

I always assume everything is because somehow I did something wrong? I don't

think this in an excitable way, I just believe it. (and I do know better).

For example, I have noticed that I ask my husband like 2 or 3 times a day, " Are

you mad at me? " This must get quite annoying...

I think this should be curtailed, it gets tiring. I have seen bipolar, BPD or

depressed people do this. It's energy sucking, in my mind. Please don't fret

about my response on that one you can take it constructively.

Sincerely,

Sue

November 24, 2010

Hi Sue,

Yeah, I agree. I'm taking it constructively; I asked.

I did mention this to my husband last night; he said, " no, you don't ask me that

very often " . Funny thing is, he can't remember what happened yesterday, so how

accurate is that? ha ha

Either way, looking to others for our own self-approval is energy-sucking.

Needing constant reassurance is tiring for other people.

Usually I just stuff it. That probably isn't healthy either, but I'm running

out of options. So I just act like everything is okay. Actually, I get kind of

tired of hearing my own voice when I'm whining (or b*tching)...

I think it is neccessary to look at our own behavior with some objectivity. We

must take responsibility for what we do, but we are also formed by our abusive

pasts. So I am trying to examine this whole thing like a mechanical object I

need to get running instead of the emotional ball of wax it really is.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

> For example, I have noticed that I ask my husband like 2 or 3 times a day,

" Are you mad at me? " This must get quite annoying...

I think this should be curtailed, it gets tiring. I have seen bipolar, BPD or

depressed people do this. It's energy sucking, in my mind. Please don't fret

about my response on that one you can take it constructively.

> Sincerely,

> Sue

>