Re: Am I mean? or just nurturing myself?

[Guest guest]

That is really a hard thing to say, For me I would pray about itand see what answer came from prayer.... But you have to trust in you, you have to live with you and yourchoices, So if you feel that you should help her that is ok to, you will be blessed for yourhelp one way or another, If not that is ok to....For me prayer works

best, and conscious.......Ok I am babling I hope that I have helped you Hugs and Blessings 3-16God blessTina RayWish upon a Hero, You can be a hero tohttp://wishuponaherochapters.ning.com/video/united-heroeswww.wishuponahero.comFindlay Freecycle Moderatorhttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/FindlayOh_FreeCycle/To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Fri, May 13, 2011 9:23:05 AMSubject: Am I mean? or just nurturing myself?

Something is killing me and I guess not knowing what it means is worse

A friend of a friend called me last night after 9 pm to ask me questions about

an interview she has today.I interviewed for that position and I would LOVE the

job.

Not knowing the number on my caller ID, I didnt pick up and since she wanted

HELP, I decided to use the time she called as an excuse to avoid returning the

call.

if she were a friend, I may have helped her and let the interview panel decide

on fair basis but she is not a friend and my competitive nature said "dont

return the call".

It is a tough selection process and I know it is nerva racking for her as it was

for me...but give me a break, she has even more experience than I have and

worked at institutions that give her a good reputation..so does she really need

my help?

Anyway..what is killing me is if I am being too mean.

It would not hurt me if you say that as it is easy to take it from "stranger"

So I spent wed night overeating due to a rejection issue and last night due to a crisis on what shall i do issue

why is there an issue?

so feel free to be honest

thanks

[Guest guest]

Hi - First and foremost, it sounds like you have a lot going and to deal with right now, so I encourage you to practice a lot of self care and be generous with yourself! Also, I applaud your sensibility. It shows great strength of character to me that you even question yourself based on these actions. It appears to me that you're a very kind, apathetic, and selfless person. I can't say I would question my motivations and character so deeply, and I also feel that I would have done the same thing.

But I do have a possibly not-so-related question. Is this currently woman in competition with you for the same job? If so it is unfair and unethical for her to ask you about your interview and the interview process. And she can't imagine that you would be able to provide her information about these things without bias. It is entirely reasonable for you to tell her that you don't feel comfortable or right providing her with that information. Even if she were a close friend I feel this would still be the case; it's important to maintain a separation between personal and professional relationship, especially during the time of a competitive and sensitive interview process. I actually can't believe this woman would think it would be ok to ask or your mutual friend for this assistance. Sorry if I've gotten this wrong or if this isn't helpful!

Best wishes and remember to be gentle with yourself!- Casey

[Guest guest]

yes same position, full time and rarely offered

I think you are right: unethical

>

> Hi -

>

> First and foremost, it sounds like you have a lot going and to deal with

> right now, so I encourage you to practice a lot of self care and be generous

> with yourself! Also, I applaud your sensibility. It shows great strength of

> character to me that you even question yourself based on these actions. It

> appears to me that you're a very kind, apathetic, and selfless person. I

> can't say I would question my motivations and character so deeply, and I

> also feel that I would have done the same thing.

>

> But I do have a possibly not-so-related question. Is this currently woman in

> competition with you for the same job? If so it is unfair and unethical for

> her to ask you about your interview and the interview process. And she can't

> imagine that you would be able to provide her information about these things

> without bias. It is entirely reasonable for you to tell her that you don't

> feel comfortable or right providing her with that information. Even if she

> were a close friend I feel this would still be the case; it's important to

> maintain a separation between personal and professional relationship,

> especially during the time of a competitive and sensitive interview process.

> I actually can't believe this woman would think it would be ok to ask or

> your mutual friend for this assistance. Sorry if I've gotten this wrong or

> if this isn't helpful!

>

> Best wishes and remember to be gentle with yourself!

>

> - Casey

>

[Guest guest]

You know what? I ran into a similar situation a long time ago ... Not for a job for me but to give a reference for someone I didn't particularly like. I asked my boss what to do and she told mennot to answer my phone. But in your situation, your "friend" wasn't being very thoughtful. Would you have called her? It's a tough situation. If you gave her incorrect info you could have cost her the job and she might have blamed you. If you want a friendship with this person I'd call her and say, look, I felt between a rock and a hard place because I also applied and I also want the job. I wouldn't say more than that except maybe "it felt uncomfortable" and then let it go. Patti

Something is killing me and I guess not knowing what it means is worse

A friend of a friend called me last night after 9 pm to ask me questions about

an interview she has today.I interviewed for that position and I would LOVE the

job.

Not knowing the number on my caller ID, I didnt pick up and since she wanted

HELP, I decided to use the time she called as an excuse to avoid returning the

call.

if she were a friend, I may have helped her and let the interview panel decide

on fair basis but she is not a friend and my competitive nature said "dont

return the call".

It is a tough selection process and I know it is nerva racking for her as it was

for me...but give me a break, she has even more experience than I have and

worked at institutions that give her a good reputation..so does she really need

my help?

Anyway..what is killing me is if I am being too mean.

It would not hurt me if you say that as it is easy to take it from "stranger"

So I spent wed night overeating due to a rejection issue and last night due to a crisis on what shall i do issue

why is there an issue?

so feel free to be honest

thanks

[Guest guest]

Setting limits is HARD, but it sounds like you did the right thing. You may want to call her later and explain, if it is still bothering you. but don't apologize!!!i think a lot of us turn to food exactly BECAUSE we have a hard time setting limits.

I think you did well. even though it was super uncomfortable.MEAN is deliberately hurting someone out of malicious intent. failing to help someone when it would hurt YOU is not mean.

you did right!abby 

 

You know what? I ran into a similar situation a long time ago ... Not for a job for me but to give a reference for someone I didn't particularly like. I asked my boss what to do and she told mennot to answer my phone. 

But in your situation, your " friend " wasn't being very thoughtful. Would you have called her? It's a tough situation. If you gave her incorrect info you could have cost her the job and she might have blamed you. 

If you want a friendship with this person I'd call her and say, look, I felt between a rock and a hard place because I also applied and I also want the job. I wouldn't say more than that except maybe " it felt uncomfortable " and then let it go. 

Patti

 

Something is killing me and I guess not knowing what it means is worse

A friend of a friend called me last night after 9 pm to ask me questions about

an interview she has today.I interviewed for that position and I would LOVE the

job.

Not knowing the number on my caller ID, I didnt pick up and since she wanted

HELP, I decided to use the time she called as an excuse to avoid returning the

call.

if she were a friend, I may have helped her and let the interview panel decide

on fair basis but she is not a friend and my competitive nature said " dont

return the call " .

It is a tough selection process and I know it is nerva racking for her as it was

for me...but give me a break, she has even more experience than I have and

worked at institutions that give her a good reputation..so does she really need

my help?

Anyway..what is killing me is if I am being too mean.

It would not hurt me if you say that as it is easy to take it from " stranger "

So I spent wed night overeating due to a rejection issue and last night due to a crisis on what shall i do issue

why is there an issue?

so feel free to be honest

thanks