Re: question (m/c mentioned)

[Guest guest]

,

Hmm...

When I had my last m/c, we had the testing done on the baby, and we

only asked for the chromosomal results. I know that the sex of the

baby is in my records also, but I never asked. I was talking with

DH one day about it. I said that as curious as I was about the sex,

I didn't want to know. He basically said the same thing.

Personally, I need that space. I can't bear knowing...

To answer your question, I don't know what you should do. Do you

need to talk about it? Are you going to (accidentally) blurt it out

one day and do damage to your relationship with DH b/c you've been

keeping a " secret " ? I would probably feel him out, maybe even tell

him that you stumbled across it in the records, and ask him if he

wants to know. (or give him a what-if question) But if it's only

going to open the wound and cause him more pain, keep it to

yourself.

Tough question...do what feels right for you and DH!

C.

28, UD

2 m/c

[Guest guest]

,

Hmm...

When I had my last m/c, we had the testing done on the baby, and we

only asked for the chromosomal results. I know that the sex of the

baby is in my records also, but I never asked. I was talking with

DH one day about it. I said that as curious as I was about the sex,

I didn't want to know. He basically said the same thing.

Personally, I need that space. I can't bear knowing...

To answer your question, I don't know what you should do. Do you

need to talk about it? Are you going to (accidentally) blurt it out

one day and do damage to your relationship with DH b/c you've been

keeping a " secret " ? I would probably feel him out, maybe even tell

him that you stumbled across it in the records, and ask him if he

wants to know. (or give him a what-if question) But if it's only

going to open the wound and cause him more pain, keep it to

yourself.

Tough question...do what feels right for you and DH!

C.

28, UD

2 m/c

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't been through the same situation,

but I would imagine that I would tell my husband. I think it could

potentially help with the grieving process if you both know. Also,

it may help him understand if finding out has at all affected your

level of sadness. At first, if I'm reading correctly, you didn't

want to know the sex but you're glad you found out. He may feel the

same way.

Good luck with whatever you choose and I'm sorry you lost your little

boy.

Jasmine

SU, resection schd. 7/29/04

1 silent m/c @ 17 wks.

> Hey all,

> I was just looking thru my medical records from my pregnancy and

> resulting miscarriage (4-04). I was a little over 13 weeks

pregnant

> and I hadn't yet found out what the sex of the baby was. My

husband

> and I had talked soon after the m/c and had both felt at the time

> that we were happy we hadn't known the sex of the baby, as we felt

it

> would be harder to cope. My OB did not tell us anything about the

> sex of the baby at the follow up appt after the m/c, just said that

> it was not grossly abnormal. Going thru the records today, I

> stumbled upon the sex of the baby (boy). I kind of figured it

would

> be in there, and I was actually glad to finally know. So, now I am

> wondering if I should tell my husband I know, or if I should just

let

> him go on thinking we will never know. I don't even want to

mention

> it to him that I know, as I am afraid to upset him. At the same

> time, I feel like I have to tell someone. Has anyone else gone

thru

> something like this, deciding whether or not to keep something from

> your spouse? Any suggestions? I know " communication is key " , but

I

> am really afraid of upsetting him. Thanks.

>

> , 24, BU/SU?, 1 m/c

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm sorry for your loss. I haven't been through the same situation,

but I would imagine that I would tell my husband. I think it could

potentially help with the grieving process if you both know. Also,

it may help him understand if finding out has at all affected your

level of sadness. At first, if I'm reading correctly, you didn't

want to know the sex but you're glad you found out. He may feel the

same way.

Good luck with whatever you choose and I'm sorry you lost your little

boy.

Jasmine

SU, resection schd. 7/29/04

1 silent m/c @ 17 wks.

> Hey all,

> I was just looking thru my medical records from my pregnancy and

> resulting miscarriage (4-04). I was a little over 13 weeks

pregnant

> and I hadn't yet found out what the sex of the baby was. My

husband

> and I had talked soon after the m/c and had both felt at the time

> that we were happy we hadn't known the sex of the baby, as we felt

it

> would be harder to cope. My OB did not tell us anything about the

> sex of the baby at the follow up appt after the m/c, just said that

> it was not grossly abnormal. Going thru the records today, I

> stumbled upon the sex of the baby (boy). I kind of figured it

would

> be in there, and I was actually glad to finally know. So, now I am

> wondering if I should tell my husband I know, or if I should just

let

> him go on thinking we will never know. I don't even want to

mention

> it to him that I know, as I am afraid to upset him. At the same

> time, I feel like I have to tell someone. Has anyone else gone

thru

> something like this, deciding whether or not to keep something from

> your spouse? Any suggestions? I know " communication is key " , but

I

> am really afraid of upsetting him. Thanks.

>

> , 24, BU/SU?, 1 m/c

[Guest guest]

,

As hard as it might be, I think you should be honest with your

husband. Perhaps you could tell him that you stumbled upon the sex and

ask if he wants to know. If he doesn't, at least you won't have to

feel like you are holding something back. If it were reversed and he

knew and you didn't, wouldn't you want him to be honest with you?

I hope I'm not being too forward, but that's how I would want to

handle the situation if it were me. And maybe it'll help the two of

you be able to grieve for your little boy together.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Jenessa

UD, 27

> Hey all,

> I was just looking thru my medical records from my pregnancy and

> resulting miscarriage (4-04). I was a little over 13 weeks pregnant

> and I hadn't yet found out what the sex of the baby was. My husband

> and I had talked soon after the m/c and had both felt at the time

> that we were happy we hadn't known the sex of the baby, as we felt it

> would be harder to cope. My OB did not tell us anything about the

> sex of the baby at the follow up appt after the m/c, just said that

> it was not grossly abnormal. Going thru the records today, I

> stumbled upon the sex of the baby (boy). I kind of figured it would

> be in there, and I was actually glad to finally know. So, now I am

> wondering if I should tell my husband I know, or if I should just let

> him go on thinking we will never know. I don't even want to mention

> it to him that I know, as I am afraid to upset him. At the same

> time, I feel like I have to tell someone. Has anyone else gone thru

> something like this, deciding whether or not to keep something from

> your spouse? Any suggestions? I know " communication is key " , but I

> am really afraid of upsetting him. Thanks.

>

> , 24, BU/SU?, 1 m/c