dx late in stage 4: a blessing or a curse?

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I understand completely what you are saying - we too were just kind

of thrown into this at the " end of the show " . So many others here are

struggling with treatments that we won't even get to try. I find

myself thinking of the past a lot lately, wondering " what if they had

found the cancer last year? or the year before? " It feels very

unfair, that this evil cancer could sneak up on my husband and make

itself a home in him, with no sign it's even there. I get angry when

I think he wasn't even given a chance; I guess it's pretty clear that

I think a late stage dx is a curse, for us anyway. I mean, we haven't

even gotten our boxing gloves on, and we're already in the final

rounds.

I realize I may be a bit negative tonight - Max spent the day at the

cancer clinic, and the news was not the greatest. After his first

three-week round of Xeloda, his bilirubin count is going back up, and

the oncologist wants to make sure it's not because his liver is

failing, so she has reduced the dosage, and we go back for more

bloodwork next week. Max also had a complete bone scan last week, and

it turns out he has more bone mets than we realized, and there have

been visually perceptable changes in his collar bone (big lump, just

gettin' bigger and bigger). It's hard to feel optimistic. I asked

about more radiation, or maybe injecting the liver directly with

chemo, and a few other things, but the onc. felt that Max's liver is

really struggling and we don't want to do anything to hurt it. She

told us too that the last CAT scan revealed some kind of blood clot

in his abdomen, so she wants to have another look at that too. When

it rains it pours, I guess.

Anyway, that is my rant for the night... ) I am praying for all of

you who are struggling, in hopes that you can always find the

strength when you need it. I am praying the same for ourselves ) Be

well, everybody.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I understand completely what you are saying - we too were just kind

of thrown into this at the " end of the show " . So many others here are

struggling with treatments that we won't even get to try. I find

myself thinking of the past a lot lately, wondering " what if they had

found the cancer last year? or the year before? " It feels very

unfair, that this evil cancer could sneak up on my husband and make

itself a home in him, with no sign it's even there. I get angry when

I think he wasn't even given a chance; I guess it's pretty clear that

I think a late stage dx is a curse, for us anyway. I mean, we haven't

even gotten our boxing gloves on, and we're already in the final

rounds.

I realize I may be a bit negative tonight - Max spent the day at the

cancer clinic, and the news was not the greatest. After his first

three-week round of Xeloda, his bilirubin count is going back up, and

the oncologist wants to make sure it's not because his liver is

failing, so she has reduced the dosage, and we go back for more

bloodwork next week. Max also had a complete bone scan last week, and

it turns out he has more bone mets than we realized, and there have

been visually perceptable changes in his collar bone (big lump, just

gettin' bigger and bigger). It's hard to feel optimistic. I asked

about more radiation, or maybe injecting the liver directly with

chemo, and a few other things, but the onc. felt that Max's liver is

really struggling and we don't want to do anything to hurt it. She

told us too that the last CAT scan revealed some kind of blood clot

in his abdomen, so she wants to have another look at that too. When

it rains it pours, I guess.

Anyway, that is my rant for the night... ) I am praying for all of

you who are struggling, in hopes that you can always find the

strength when you need it. I am praying the same for ourselves ) Be

well, everybody.

[Guest guest]

: How I hope things will turn out for the better. If you mom can have

a few

weeeks or motnhs with you all,then take the good days and be glad. It's way

to late for what if's. Now you have accepted hospice,get yourself together,

rekindle

your spirit and just be there,thats the greatest gift of all. Praying and

thinking of you

all. Nick & Jane

[Guest guest]

: How I hope things will turn out for the better. If you mom can have

a few

weeeks or motnhs with you all,then take the good days and be glad. It's way

to late for what if's. Now you have accepted hospice,get yourself together,

rekindle

your spirit and just be there,thats the greatest gift of all. Praying and

thinking of you

all. Nick & Jane

[Guest guest]

: How I hope things will turn out for the better. If you mom can have

a few

weeeks or motnhs with you all,then take the good days and be glad. It's way

to late for what if's. Now you have accepted hospice,get yourself together,

rekindle

your spirit and just be there,thats the greatest gift of all. Praying and

thinking of you

all. Nick & Jane