To tell or not to tell... was. Re: [igan]children with IgAN

[Guest guest]

Thanks ..

She is incredible in many ways... I guess you have to be to live to 98.

However like many families, mine has been *corrupted* by money. Grandma has a

bit of it, and by persuasion and scheming of some others, Grandma changed her

Will after her husband died. From what these *others* have told me, the money

will be in trust for a period of time, which I believe to be 10, 20 and 30

years down the road of disbursements.

Anyhow, I am torn weather or not I tell Grandma, and ask her to reconsider

the money issues, as finances are tight already, with health insurance, doc

visits, meds, etc.. and I can imagine what they will be with dialysis 3x a week

and supplies.. and all that stuff.... I believe that she would want to help me,

with her own capabilities, as well as on my grandfather's behalf.

But, I would feel awful if she suffered a heart attack or became ill after I

told her... and I wouldn't even know what to say.... " Grandma, I need a Kidney

transplant " or " Grandma, you've been asking how I feel... and I have to tell

you lately, not so good " or " Grandma, I'm sick " ... I have no idea!

How does an *adult* child tell their mother.... Grandmother?

Responses appreciated publicly or privately.

Ali

[Guest guest]

Ali,

Here is what my heart says. As a mother myself, I would most definitely want

to know if my child or grandchild had a need. I always want my kids to be

honest with me and let me know of struggles in their lives. If it were me, I

would be more hurt if I was not told..but that is just me.

Honestly is always the best policy, and family is supposed to be honest with

each other and support each other.

That is my two cents, and probably about what it is worth.

Does that help at all?

In a message dated 11/11/2004 1:03:59 PM Pacific Standard Time,

Nesi1a@... writes:

> Thanks ..

>

> She is incredible in many ways... I guess you have to be to live to 98.

>

> However like many families, mine has been *corrupted* by money. Grandma has

> a

> bit of it, and by persuasion and scheming of some others, Grandma changed

> her

> Will after her husband died. From what these *others* have told me, the

> money

> will be in trust for a period of time, which I believe to be 10, 20 and 30

> years down the road of disbursements.

>

> Anyhow, I am torn weather or not I tell Grandma, and ask her to reconsider

> the money issues, as finances are tight already, with health insurance, doc

> visits, meds, etc.. and I can imagine what they will be with dialysis 3x a

> week

> and supplies.. and all that stuff.... I believe that she would want to help

> me,

> with her own capabilities, as well as on my grandfather's behalf.

>

> But, I would feel awful if she suffered a heart attack or became ill after I

>

> told her... and I wouldn't even know what to say.... " Grandma, I need a

> Kidney

> transplant " or " Grandma, you've been asking how I feel... and I have to tell

>

> you lately, not so good " or " Grandma, I'm sick " ... I have no idea!

>

> How does an *adult* child tell their mother.... Grandmother?

>

> Responses appreciated publicly or privately.

>

> Ali

[Guest guest]

I like that line Amy! That one is a keeper :-)

In a message dated 11/11/2004 2:17:48 PM Pacific Standard Time,

purrfect@... writes:

> Let her know that this isn't a death sentence, just a change of life

> sentence.

[Guest guest]

Ali it's a difficult thing to do but I'm with on this one. I let all

my family members know about my diagnosis from the start so I wouldn't have

to feel like I was hiding anything. Even those who I were concerned about

telling (like my father in law who had a heart attack 4 days prior to my

biopsy) took the news well and have continued to support me this past year.

I'm also sorry to hear of your mothers death. She was very young, I am so

sorry. At least it sounds like she had a few years of fight in her.

As for how to break it to your grandmother....she probably has an idea that

things haven't been going great for you...mom's are like that, we just know.

I'm assuming you don't see her face to face that often otherwise she would

have picked up on the major body changes from the prednisone. That said I

would approach it from the beginning. Let her know you were feeling bad,

went into the doctor, and go from there. Then let her know about IgAN, how

it progresses, how back 15 years ago you were showing symptoms, where you

are at right now, and what the future looks like. Since you aren't at the

point of transplant quite yet add that in as a possibility for the future.

Let her know that this isn't a death sentence, just a change of life

sentence. Many of our members have held steady where your labs are at for

many years...though like you I tend to be a bit of a pessimist when it comes

to talking about my long term outlook due to my biopsy report and the fact

that things were getting worse again as my pred dose dropped.

Your Grandmother has proven herself to be a strong woman, she has endured

much over the years and living to 98 has learnt to go with the flow of life

no matter what it may throw your way. I'd let her know, she will thank you

for telling her and you will feel a great relief because you will no longer

need to hide behind a false smile.

Amy G.

To tell or not to tell... was. Re: children with IgAN

>

> Thanks ..

>

> She is incredible in many ways... I guess you have to be to live to 98.

>

> However like many families, mine has been *corrupted* by money. Grandma

has a

> bit of it, and by persuasion and scheming of some others, Grandma changed

her

> Will after her husband died. From what these *others* have told me, the

money

> will be in trust for a period of time, which I believe to be 10, 20 and 30

> years down the road of disbursements.

>

> Anyhow, I am torn weather or not I tell Grandma, and ask her to reconsider

> the money issues, as finances are tight already, with health insurance,

doc

> visits, meds, etc.. and I can imagine what they will be with dialysis 3x a

week

> and supplies.. and all that stuff.... I believe that she would want to

help me,

> with her own capabilities, as well as on my grandfather's behalf.

>

> But, I would feel awful if she suffered a heart attack or became ill after

I

> told her... and I wouldn't even know what to say.... " Grandma, I need a

Kidney

> transplant " or " Grandma, you've been asking how I feel... and I have to

tell

> you lately, not so good " or " Grandma, I'm sick " ... I have no idea!

>

> How does an *adult* child tell their mother.... Grandmother?

>

> Responses appreciated publicly or privately.

>

> Ali

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ali,

My grandma was 81 when I told her I had Igan. She was fine, but not all people

are the same. Why don't you print of some information for her about Igan to

give to her after you have told her. She might be able to handle it better, if

she can sit there with a cup of tea and read about it at her own pace.

I had tears when I read your other posts, this lady has gone through so much but

still she is O'k. I hope she will be abel to handle it.

Bree

To tell or not to tell... was. Re: children with IgAN

Hi Ali,

I agree with . As a mother of grown children, I have had to

help them. Many times they didn't ask and I was hurt by the results

when I found out. When they did ask, I helped until it hurt - when I

couldn't help I let them know and they understood. Children are gold

to caring parents. I hope you find your grandmother to be the same.

Good luck.......Gloria

> Ali,

>

> Here is what my heart says. As a mother myself, I would most

definitely want

> to know if my child or grandchild had a need. I always want my kids

to be

> honest with me and let me know of struggles in their lives. If it

were me, I

> would be more hurt if I was not told..but that is just me.

>

> Honestly is always the best policy, and family is supposed to be

honest with

> each other and support each other.

>

> That is my two cents, and probably about what it is worth.

>

> Does that help at all?

>

>

>

> In a message dated 11/11/2004 1:03:59 PM Pacific Standard Time,

> Nesi1a@a... writes:

>

> > Thanks ..

> >

> > She is incredible in many ways... I guess you have to be to live

to 98.

> >

> > However like many families, mine has been *corrupted* by money.

Grandma has

> > a

> > bit of it, and by persuasion and scheming of some others, Grandma

changed

> > her

> > Will after her husband died. From what these *others* have told

me, the

> > money

> > will be in trust for a period of time, which I believe to be 10,

20 and 30

> > years down the road of disbursements.

> >

> > Anyhow, I am torn weather or not I tell Grandma, and ask her to

reconsider

> > the money issues, as finances are tight already, with health

insurance, doc

> > visits, meds, etc.. and I can imagine what they will be with

dialysis 3x a

> > week

> > and supplies.. and all that stuff.... I believe that she would

want to help

> > me,

> > with her own capabilities, as well as on my grandfather's behalf.

> >

> > But, I would feel awful if she suffered a heart attack or became

ill after I

> >

> > told her... and I wouldn't even know what to say.... " Grandma, I

need a

> > Kidney

> > transplant " or " Grandma, you've been asking how I feel... and I

have to tell

> >

> > you lately, not so good " or " Grandma, I'm sick " ... I have no idea!

> >

> > How does an *adult* child tell their mother.... Grandmother?

> >

> > Responses appreciated publicly or privately.

> >

> > Ali

>

>

>

>