Guest guest Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 Ruthie You are right here among friends, who also have breast cancer. I was terribly upset a week ago when the infusion nurse took my blood pressure. She pinched my arm and bruised it really good. Also, she was in street clothes, didn't wash her hands that I saw, and only added one rubber glove when she did the puncture. So I reported all that yesterday when I went for my second chemo of the month. She only works one day a week but must have been angry about working because she treated me like I was a thing.....not a person. Don't let anyone do that to you again. If you are feeling down because of their treatment of you be sure you tell someone. And you did. Think positive!!! as my husband, Jelly, used to tell me. His real name was too hard to pronounce, and it was Norwegian, so a coach named him Jelly when he was ten and it stuck. He was a baseball and football coach all his years.....and the positive attitude came from that I believe. Heard such good eulogies at his funeral from buddies he went to H.S. with. And even one who was there when he was nicknamed Jelly. Think positive....by realizing that next year at this time you will be so much further along.....and maybe even cancer free. God bless you. Janet > > I am now a 60 year old woman with invasive carsinoma of the right > breast. Where did the rest of me go and will I ever get me back? I > hope so. I know it won't be the same me, but I must be hiding behind > that diagnosis somewhere. Reading the reports makes me feel like I am > only a breast, to the medical community, one that needs to be removed. > I feel so lost right now. > Ruth > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2006 Report Share Posted March 12, 2006 Thank you all for your kind words of support. I know the secret garden is there. I know there is an important lesson for me to learn from all this and I will be a better person for having taken this journey. I have been so busy doing the research and getting myself in the best shape possible for surgery that I haven't had time, until now, to really think about what this all means. I have always been a strong willed go getter. I was responsible for bringing in the union to represent support staff in the school district, I worked in. Can't tell you how many contracts I helped negotiate. I am used to being in control. I have definitely been involved in my treatment plan and have asked all the right questions. I guess what really bothers me is that on the 29th I will be wheeled into an operating room and put to sleep and for 2 and 1/2 hours will have absolutely no control. I will be completely in the hands of people, who while very capable, do not know me. The only other 2 surgeries, I've had, my doctor, who took care of me from 7 to 30 was right there. He also delivered my 3 kids and I knew he cared about me. I knew I was an honest to goodness whole person to him. You are all right. I will not allow this cancer to define me! The important thing is that I learn who I am during this evolutionary process that comes with the disease. Ruth > > Dear Ruth: > > I understand how you feel....let me say that we are not defined by our > breasts. It is the soul, the spirit of who you are that makes you. The > diagnosis is in the forefront yes, however, put it into perspective...you > are a beautiful human being you are a woman, you have given life and you > are life. A dignosis of breast cancer may be a defining moment in your > life. The medical community see's the value of your life...they must focus > on the breast and cancer that invades it. By doing so they don't focus on > the idea of it defining you! > > here is a poem I wrote while recovering from my breast cancer about a > special place for me it was the place I retreated to inside myself: > > My Secret Garden > A very special place indeed! > > There is a place I go to a place I can > share my fears, It is there I find > happiness and have shed some tears. This > place is a comfort and it holds me safe > within its arms. In this place I run to, > there, for me, is no harm. > > It's in my secret garden that I love who I > am, because it's there that I can be myself > and there I feel free of demands. I know > that life still awaits me once I leave this > garden fair. But it's kept safe within my > heart until I visit there again. > > Each time that I go there I feel more and > more at home. It's in this secret garden > that I never feel alone. I feel alive and > invigorated in this garden's lair. There is > peace and tranquility that I also feel when > there. > > So if you cannot find me and wonder > where she can be. . .Look deep into the secret > garden for its there you shall find me. > > Copyright ©2006 Darla G. Hensley > on poetry.com > > > > I am now a 60 year old woman with invasive carsinoma of the right > > breast. Where did the rest of me go and will I ever get me back? I > hope so. I know it won't be the same me, but I must be hiding behind > that diagnosis somewhere. Reading the reports makes me feel like I am > only a breast, to the medical community, one that needs to be removed. > > I feel so lost right now. > > Ruth > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2006 Report Share Posted March 12, 2006 Dear Ruth: Many new lessons will be learned and when you look back one day soon you will see things in a different light. The breast cancer for me was only a catalyst of many more challenges to come...that being said 4 years later I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I have weathered the storm, I have survived, I am mor empathetic, caring and less anal than in the past. I have evolved into a better human being. Astonishing really! No one wants to say cancer is the best thing that ever happened to them...it' not the cancer as much as it's the process. You will be discovering and defining or shall I say refining your perspective your life. When you look back you will do so with a new hope and renewed faith and most important a new life. I know now that I had to go through this because I could and because there was a new level for me to ascend to. Every day I thank God for my life and ask that somehow some way I might be an inspiration to someone. When all fails I retreat to my secret garden to rejuvinate and refocus. Once that is done I can go out into the world and give something that is needed. I am proud of you. And I totally understand the in control aspect. That had to be the most difficult for me. Here is another perspective for you....if you are always in control you will always control the outcome...by not being in control the outcome cannot be controlled therefore allowing this to be a significant time of growth, reflection, and soul seacrhing. How this defines you is that you will spend time alone with your thoughts and you actually will redefine who you really are! Go Bless My Friend! Darla G. Dawald Author, Speaker Outofstress.com Expert > Thank you all for your kind words of support. I know the secret > garden is there. I know there is an important lesson for me to learn > from all this and I will be a better person for having taken this > journey. I have been so busy doing the research and getting myself in > the best shape possible for surgery that I haven't had time, until > now, to really think about what this all means. I have always been a > strong willed go getter. I was responsible for bringing in the union > to represent support staff in the school district, I worked in. Can't > tell you how many contracts I helped negotiate. I am used to being in > control. I have definitely been involved in my treatment plan and > have asked all the right questions. I guess what really bothers me is > that on the 29th I will be wheeled into an operating room and put to > sleep and for 2 and 1/2 hours will have absolutely no control. I will > be completely in the hands of people, who while very capable, do not > know me. The only other 2 surgeries, I've had, my doctor, who took > care of me from 7 to 30 was right there. He also delivered my 3 kids > and I knew he cared about me. I knew I was an honest to goodness > whole person to him. You are all right. I will not allow this cancer > to define me! The important thing is that I learn who I am during > this evolutionary process that comes with the disease. > Ruth > > >> >> Dear Ruth: >> >> I understand how you feel....let me say that we are not defined by our >> breasts. It is the soul, the spirit of who you are that makes you. The >> diagnosis is in the forefront yes, however, put it into > perspective...you >> are a beautiful human being you are a woman, you have given life and you >> are life. A dignosis of breast cancer may be a defining moment in your >> life. The medical community see's the value of your life...they must > focus >> on the breast and cancer that invades it. By doing so they don't > focus on >> the idea of it defining you! >> >> here is a poem I wrote while recovering from my breast cancer about a >> special place for me it was the place I retreated to inside myself: >> >> My Secret Garden >> A very special place indeed! >> >> There is a place I go to a place I can >> share my fears, It is there I find >> happiness and have shed some tears. This >> place is a comfort and it holds me safe >> within its arms. In this place I run to, >> there, for me, is no harm. >> >> It's in my secret garden that I love who I >> am, because it's there that I can be myself >> and there I feel free of demands. I know >> that life still awaits me once I leave this >> garden fair. But it's kept safe within my >> heart until I visit there again. >> >> Each time that I go there I feel more and >> more at home. It's in this secret garden >> that I never feel alone. I feel alive and >> invigorated in this garden's lair. There is >> peace and tranquility that I also feel when >> there. >> >> So if you cannot find me and wonder >> where she can be. . .Look deep into the secret >> garden for its there you shall find me. >> >> Copyright ©2006 Darla G. Hensley >> on poetry.com >> >> >> > I am now a 60 year old woman with invasive carsinoma of the right >> > breast. Where did the rest of me go and will I ever get me back? I >> hope so. I know it won't be the same me, but I must be hiding behind >> that diagnosis somewhere. Reading the reports makes me feel like I am >> only a breast, to the medical community, one that needs to be removed. >> > I feel so lost right now. >> > Ruth >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2006 Report Share Posted March 12, 2006 Ruth; put your trust in God. ren Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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