Feeling kinda low..

[Guest guest]

Sorry to unload but I'm feeling sorta low tonight. I went to the doc today for an appt. at 11 about my swollen lymphnodes and fevers that have been going on for a week now. We didn't get called back until 25 till 12 and then didn't get seen nearly 12. I was due to get my carnitine infusion at 12 so that had me uptight already, plus the waiting. My doc came in and brought with him some med student. I never feel like I can open up as much when there is some stranger in the room, but at the same time I couldn't ask her to leave because I've shadowed my doc in the past and it would have bothered me if a patient told me to leave. Plus she was nice and all. I felt like I was a teaching prop though. After a thorough exam he asked me how long it had been since a routine blood work up and we both concurred it had been awhile. Well my mom started in with all our questions and concerns and that pretty much led no where. He is a GREAT listener but thats about as far as things go. He is up front in saying he just doesn't know...but I need some answers. Then I was questioning him about his opinion on a port versus a broviac. Well I had to tell him the difference and go over the pros and cons. I just need someone who can give me some clear cut non bias answers and I just don't think my doc knows what is going on with me. He said again that I don't have a diagnosis, and I do. He still puts on my paper as the DX being CFIDS. I know that he's a people pleaser and he is intimidated by Dr. Cohen and Dr. Hostoffer because they are over his head in what they specialize in,etc. So I don't know if when he gets on the phone with one of them he just agrees and acts as if he understands so he doesn't look dumb when he really doesn't get it all or what. He said he thinks there is very minimal risk for me to have the muscle biopsy done. Excuse me?? Anybody with mito is at an increased risk to be put to sleep, plus I have a bad history with anesthesia. It's almost like he just doesn't want to see me as being as sick as I am. We are very, very close and he is like my second dad so maybe thats part of it. Well when it came down to it he got totally side tracked and never even wrote for my labs. I KNOW I overwhelm him when I come in and that he doesn't have all the answers and nobody does..I just left his office feeling drained. I still have this unknown temp and swollen tender lymphnodes...worse fatigue and pain and another IVIG infusion scheduled for Fri. morning. Please pray for me as I know many of you already do. You all sustain me and I thank you for your genuine support and care. I'll feel better tom.