Guest guest Posted November 5, 2001 Report Share Posted November 5, 2001 Welcome, . I'm Amy. I had two ectopics, one in 98 and the other in 99. I'm now pg again and due Thursday. There are a lot of great ladies here in all different stages... some have already had their babies, some are still pg, and some are still ttc. I'm sure you'll find tons of support here. Amy 39w 4d new to group hi everyone. I am posting here to get information for the future. On October 17th 2001had an ectopic + miscarriage, where I lost my right tube. I am very sad and trying to find my way. I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through this and has been able to have more children.Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2001 Report Share Posted November 5, 2001 Welcome, . I'm Amy. I had two ectopics, one in 98 and the other in 99. I'm now pg again and due Thursday. There are a lot of great ladies here in all different stages... some have already had their babies, some are still pg, and some are still ttc. I'm sure you'll find tons of support here. Amy 39w 4d new to group hi everyone. I am posting here to get information for the future. On October 17th 2001had an ectopic + miscarriage, where I lost my right tube. I am very sad and trying to find my way. I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through this and has been able to have more children.Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2001 Report Share Posted November 5, 2001 Amy: Thank you. Good luck on your delivery. God Bless that miracle child. Re: new to group Welcome, . I'm Amy. I had two ectopics, one in 98 and the other in 99. I'm now pg again and due Thursday. There are a lot of great ladies here in all different stages... some have already had their babies, some are still pg, and some are still ttc. I'm sure you'll find tons of support here. Amy 39w 4d ----- Original Message ----- From: mdahan@... Sent: Monday, November 05, 2001 11:31 AM To: PregnancyBabiesAfterEctopic S! ubject: new to group hi everyone. I am posting here to get information for the future. On October 17th 2001had an ectopic + miscarriage, where I lost my right tube. I am very sad and trying to find my way. I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through this and has been able to have more children.Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 , You don't necessarily need to see a reproductive endocrinologist to get pg. and have a successful pg. I got pregnant almost 4 months to the day after my emergency surgery. I had an HSG about 2 months after my surgery and got pregnant the 2nd month after that. The HSG was very painful for me (but I am in the minority), but very much worth it. The dye can sometimes help youo to get pg. again (it makes the tube " slippery " ). I lost a lot of blood and wasn't feeling 100% again for 2-3 months, so give yourself some time. Your body and mind have both been through something very traumatic. Don't rush yourself and ask your Dr. lots of questions. Feel free to ask lots here too. That's what this group is here for. Take Care Kendall mdahan@... wrote: > hi everyone. I am posting here to get information for the future. On > October 17th 2001had an ectopic + miscarriage, where I lost my right > tube. I am very sad and trying to find my way. I would like to hear > from anyone who has gone through this and has been able to have more > children. > > Thanks, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 , I am so sorry about your loss. I was sad for several months after my ep on 12/21/00 and read everything I could find on the internet. I thought the book Empty Arms was very helpful, along with this email group. The baby was in my right tube, but the docs were able to save the tube. My period came 30 days after my surgery (in case you are wondering) and about 6 weeks after my surgery I had the hsg test where they run the dye in your tubes and then exray them. The docs couldn't see my right tube, but my left tube looked fine. I got pregnant right at four months after the ep and I'm now in my 31st week of pregnancy. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but I know that this group will give you some comfort and affirmation of your sorrow. Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 thank you. 30 days to get your period. WoW I did not expect that. I cant imagine going thru my period again. I went thru so much pain and agony since sept 27th. You are very lucky they were able to save your tube. My drs did not detect the ep untill it was too late. Re: new to group ,I am so sorry about your loss. I was sad for several months after my ep on 12/21/00 and read everything I could find on the internet. I thought the book Empty Arms was very helpful, along with this email group.The baby was in my right tube, but the docs were able to save the tube. My period came 30 days after my surgery (in case you are wondering) and about 6 weeks after my surgery I had the hsg test where they run the dye in your tubes and then exray them. The docs couldn't see my right tube, but my left tube looked fine. I got pregnant right at four months after the ep and I'm now in my 31st week of pregnancy.I am so sorry that this has happened to you but I know that this group will give you some comfort and affirmation of your sorrow.Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 , Welcome to the group sweetie! I'm so sorry for your losses ( - I know what a scary and confusing time this can be. I myself have been through several losses. I am the mother of four wonderful children, but it has definitely been a struggle. I had an ep pg in August 99 and then a m/c in February 00. I was blessed to get pg again the following month with my last child Tessa. So as scary and frightening as it can be it, it worth it. Love & hugs, Jo-Ann ---- Original Message ----- From: mdahan@... To: PregnancyBabiesAfterEctopic Sent: Monday, November 05, 2001 1:30 PM Subject: new to group hi everyone. I am posting here to get information for the future. On October 17th 2001had an ectopic + miscarriage, where I lost my right tube. I am very sad and trying to find my way. I would like to hear from anyone who has gone through this and has been able to have more children.Thanks, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 , Hi My ectopic was last July, and I also lost my right tube. It was an incredibly difficult emotional physical recovery, but although I will never be the same - the pain has lessened greatly. And that is in due in part to the fact I am currently 35 weeks pregnant. Yes, it was something I was so afraid would never happen. It can and WILL happen for you too. This is a great place to find support and get answers to your questions. DanaB 35 weeks 5 days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2001 Report Share Posted November 6, 2001 melissa, I am sorry for your loss but glad that you found us. you will find wonderful support here. I had an ep last august and lost my right tube also. I got pg again in Jan and had a m/c. We just started ttc again 2 months ago. There are lots of women who have had a successfull pg after an ep..... lisa r Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2001 Report Share Posted November 7, 2001 melissa, welcome to the group. I had an ep with my first pg in aug 2000, it took me almost 2 years to get pg. I lost my right tube. I got af 4 weeks to the day of my surgery and while I was scared to get it, I was also relieved that my body was doing what it was supposed to be doing. I got pg in January 2001, in only two months with one tube!! I ended up m/c but found out that I O'd from the side without the tube and it jumped over to my only tube... so anything is possible. I just started ttc 3 months ago and am on cd 21. I had to wait to try again because I lost too much weight and had a bad problem with rupturing cysts. I am also glad that I waited for emotional reasons... While ttc again is very scarey, I am sooo willing now. The only advice I can give you is to try when you feel up to it emotionally... the women here are awesome and give me sooooooo much hope, especially when I get frustrated or scared about not being pg yet...... lisa r Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 Hello everyone, I joined this group on Feb.1,2005. I've read all the messages. But,now I need to know exactly what CEA means. I was diagnosed with colon cancer Dec.4, 2004. I was told that they removed the tumor. However, I am getting chemo for two positive lymph nodes. Also, based on my most recent CAT scan, it showed a cyst on my ovary and a enlarged uterus.I'm scheduled to have a ultra sound next week. I will take my 2nd treatment Oxaliplatin/Leucovorin/5Fu/Dexamethasone, and Zofran to prevent the nausea and vomiting. I did not get one side effect. I went to the Doctor yesterday and she seemed surprised and asked me several times about side effects. I told her that I did'nt get any. I have been drinking Tahitian Noni juice since I had the surgery. I have so much engery and I eat like crazy.Prior to my diagnosis, I ate like a child. I am not trying to solict that juice to anyone, just sharing what it does for me. I guess after surviving with a blood count of 4.9, for so long I really thought that was how I was suppose to feel lifeless, no engery, and just tired all the time. I'm just excited about being able to go bike riding on the beach again. My family teases me about having so much engery. I hope my next treatment will be o.k. too. Also, I hope and pray that each of you continue to stay focused and remember what we are fighting for-LIFE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 When I read your mail I had just finished reading this part in the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " about the right to set limits. You might want to look into getting this book, especially if you just realized that your mother might have BPD. I've know that fact about my mom for years and I'm only reading this book now, I wish I had read it years ago. It is so incredibly helpful. The first sentence reads: " Often, non-BPs look outside themselves for confirmation that it is okay to set limits in a certain area. They wonder if they have a right to get angry when one of their limits is not observed. " It also says: " Believing that your own needs are selfish is another common trap that people fall into... Setting and enforcing boundaries is not selfish. It is normal and necessary. Some non-BPs label their behavior " selfish " when they are simply watching out for themselves. I think it's easy to think that you'll hurt her if you set boundaries but it's the opposite. Again, I would highly recommend you read this book. There's so much to learn as to how to handle BP. The book " Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin " is also phenomenal! You are an individual who has the right to happiness just like her. But we're all responsible for that happiness. We should not count on someone else to bring us happiness. I hope that helps! and Welcome! Del > > > > Well, I'm just posting my first message. I've only been a member and read the postings for a couple of days. I'm fairly certain my mother has BPD. Obviously, the holidays are challenging for many of us - a common thread right now! > > > > Even though I've known for a while she has BPD, I just didn't deal with it for several years. Mostly, I've been afraid of the consequences of setting boundaries with her. I know that for my own health, I need to let go of the illusion that I can ever make her happy, please her, or earn her love through my good behavior. > > > > It's really encouraging to see everyone's postings, because it reinforces my belief that she is the one who is mentally ill and has a warped view of reality, not me! > > > > Happy Holidays to everyone, and thanks for your generosity in sharing with everyone else. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 When I read your mail I had just finished reading this part in the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " about the right to set limits. You might want to look into getting this book, especially if you just realized that your mother might have BPD. I've know that fact about my mom for years and I'm only reading this book now, I wish I had read it years ago. It is so incredibly helpful. The first sentence reads: " Often, non-BPs look outside themselves for confirmation that it is okay to set limits in a certain area. They wonder if they have a right to get angry when one of their limits is not observed. " It also says: " Believing that your own needs are selfish is another common trap that people fall into... Setting and enforcing boundaries is not selfish. It is normal and necessary. Some non-BPs label their behavior " selfish " when they are simply watching out for themselves. I think it's easy to think that you'll hurt her if you set boundaries but it's the opposite. Again, I would highly recommend you read this book. There's so much to learn as to how to handle BP. The book " Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin " is also phenomenal! You are an individual who has the right to happiness just like her. But we're all responsible for that happiness. We should not count on someone else to bring us happiness. I hope that helps! and Welcome! Del > > > > Well, I'm just posting my first message. I've only been a member and read the postings for a couple of days. I'm fairly certain my mother has BPD. Obviously, the holidays are challenging for many of us - a common thread right now! > > > > Even though I've known for a while she has BPD, I just didn't deal with it for several years. Mostly, I've been afraid of the consequences of setting boundaries with her. I know that for my own health, I need to let go of the illusion that I can ever make her happy, please her, or earn her love through my good behavior. > > > > It's really encouraging to see everyone's postings, because it reinforces my belief that she is the one who is mentally ill and has a warped view of reality, not me! > > > > Happy Holidays to everyone, and thanks for your generosity in sharing with everyone else. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 25, 2010 Report Share Posted December 25, 2010 When I read your mail I had just finished reading this part in the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " about the right to set limits. You might want to look into getting this book, especially if you just realized that your mother might have BPD. I've know that fact about my mom for years and I'm only reading this book now, I wish I had read it years ago. It is so incredibly helpful. The first sentence reads: " Often, non-BPs look outside themselves for confirmation that it is okay to set limits in a certain area. They wonder if they have a right to get angry when one of their limits is not observed. " It also says: " Believing that your own needs are selfish is another common trap that people fall into... Setting and enforcing boundaries is not selfish. It is normal and necessary. Some non-BPs label their behavior " selfish " when they are simply watching out for themselves. I think it's easy to think that you'll hurt her if you set boundaries but it's the opposite. Again, I would highly recommend you read this book. There's so much to learn as to how to handle BP. The book " Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin " is also phenomenal! You are an individual who has the right to happiness just like her. But we're all responsible for that happiness. We should not count on someone else to bring us happiness. I hope that helps! and Welcome! Del > > > > Well, I'm just posting my first message. I've only been a member and read the postings for a couple of days. I'm fairly certain my mother has BPD. Obviously, the holidays are challenging for many of us - a common thread right now! > > > > Even though I've known for a while she has BPD, I just didn't deal with it for several years. Mostly, I've been afraid of the consequences of setting boundaries with her. I know that for my own health, I need to let go of the illusion that I can ever make her happy, please her, or earn her love through my good behavior. > > > > It's really encouraging to see everyone's postings, because it reinforces my belief that she is the one who is mentally ill and has a warped view of reality, not me! > > > > Happy Holidays to everyone, and thanks for your generosity in sharing with everyone else. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks! I agree with you in that I will never have my mother back because she was never really there, or a great mom from the start. Sometimes I just get very emotional when I see a mother taking care of her daughter, or there is this grandmother who takes her granddaughter to ballet each week (and looks forward to it!). It's sad because I know that neither I, nor my children will ever have that. My father passed away from cancer a few years ago and I feel like I have no parents. I have been limiting contact for years to keep my sanity. Now that she's nearby it just really pushes issues to the surface which must be dealt with now. I'd love to hear your song when it's done. I'm sure the process of writing it would help. Best, Grace > > > > Hello, > > > > I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter. > > > > I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped. > > > > I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more frequently. > > > > We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him. > > > > I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer. > > > > Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks! I agree with you in that I will never have my mother back because she was never really there, or a great mom from the start. Sometimes I just get very emotional when I see a mother taking care of her daughter, or there is this grandmother who takes her granddaughter to ballet each week (and looks forward to it!). It's sad because I know that neither I, nor my children will ever have that. My father passed away from cancer a few years ago and I feel like I have no parents. I have been limiting contact for years to keep my sanity. Now that she's nearby it just really pushes issues to the surface which must be dealt with now. I'd love to hear your song when it's done. I'm sure the process of writing it would help. Best, Grace > > > > Hello, > > > > I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter. > > > > I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped. > > > > I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more frequently. > > > > We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him. > > > > I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer. > > > > Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Annie, Thanks for the welcome. Sure, Grace works for me! I recently read " Surviving a Borderline Parent " and " Walking on Eggshells " . They just confirmed what I have been going through. I'll check out that link. Thanks, Grace > > > > Hello, > > > > I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter. > > > > I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped. > > > > I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more frequently. > > > > We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him. > > > > I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer. > > > > Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Annie, Thanks for the welcome. Sure, Grace works for me! I recently read " Surviving a Borderline Parent " and " Walking on Eggshells " . They just confirmed what I have been going through. I'll check out that link. Thanks, Grace > > > > Hello, > > > > I just found this group and am looking forward to connecting with others who have been raised by a BPD parent. My mom has BPD along with Binge eating disorder, ptsd from divorce, and depression. She is remarried...the classic lion and lamb scenario. My step-dad is in denial about her behavior. I've been labeled as a bad, ungrateful and selfish daughter. > > > > I am happily married with two young children. My husband has a MA in psychology and helped me to recognize what was going on and to work through my childhood trauma. Thank God for him! I've come a long way in untangling myself from her, but a support group such as this would have certainly helped. > > > > I was looking forward to putting some miles between my mom and I, but she moved 2 miles away from us only one year after we moved out of state (I'm her only child). Having her nearby has put us in contact and conflict more frequently. > > > > We have recently reconnected after a major blow out in June. Nothing has changed, no apologies were offered and all the problems were blamed on my husband and I. My husband confronted my mom and now she has villain-ized him. > > > > I am at the point where I want to sever the relationship. Has anyone done this successfully? I'm not interested in hurting her, but I can't endure this madness or in good conscience expose my children to it any longer. > > > > Any sound advice? Has anyone else gone through this? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Terri, My mom has been diagnosed by her therapist. She has been in therapy for years and is on antidepressants. She has slightly improved in her communication skills and ability to take responsibility for her actions and words, but not much. It sounds like your mom has come a long way and I'm really happy for you that you are able to have a relationship with her. I feel like I continually have to monitor my conversation and limit information that I share because it will be twisted and used against me (even the most trivial things). I'm just emotionally exhausted whenever I have contact with her. Now that I have kids, it doesn't seem right to expose them to her verbal outbursts and inappropriate conversations. I do look forward to learning from others experiences here. Best, Grace > > If your therapist is 100% sure, then you should talk about exactly what reasons she/he has for this diagnosis. The therapist's only information about your mother comes from you after all, so you must have said things from your experience that substantiate this. On the other hand, not all therapists are good therapists. So it's a really good idea for you to understand why your therapist says this to decide if you agree. > > As to getting better, my mother was horrible horrible when I was a kid and teenager. I didn't talk to her from age 18 to 22. From then on she started trying really hard to get along with me. It's been 15 years now of me constantly catching her and telling her what is appropriate and what is not and constantly re-enforcing the boundaries. (For example, I went over there on Sunday. On Thursday she calls and wants to stop by because she hasn't seen me in a while she says. I say, " You saw me on Sunday. " She says " That's a while! " And I say " No it's not. " And she says, " Well I want to come over anyway. " In this case I said yes because it was only for 1/2 an hour and I wasn't doing anything else. But the point is not letting her get away with defining reality in her way.) > > I would definitely say she has gotten better over time. There are no more rage/outbursts, and fewer random insults which I catch and correct. I don't think she can learn true empathy, but she's learned how to get along with me as best she can. > > I think this board is very useful to me, even though my mother doesn't have an 'offical' BPD diagnosis, and she doesn't do a lot of the behaviors that some other nada's here do. But I come here to understand where my own feelings came from, that I'm not alone, and that it wasn't all my fault. This is VERY useful to me, every day. > > I hope you enjoy the board, > > -Terri > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi Grace, just wanted to say hello & welcome. I hope you will find some peace of mind here. I know I sure have! Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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