Guest guest Posted March 9, 2006 Report Share Posted March 9, 2006 Please give your mom my love and encouragement. I never thought I could do it but by golly here I am and I AM doing it..... Thanks to a lot of women in here. It feels good when my friends are amazed at how strong I am and how well I am taking all this. Makes me feel like SUPERWOMAN! Trish I think all of you ladies are SuperWoman! Mom is going thru the depression thing at this time. I have heard things like let me die why don't I and others. I keep reminding her of our three grand babies her great that she said she would fight to see grow up. It is pretty scary for me being her caregiver and trying to keep up with everything. I have to tell you I thought I was having a mental break down the early part of this week. My doctor, yes I called after some persuasion from another group to seek help. I have an anxiety disorder and some sort of chemical imbalance and now I am taking medicines to help that. With mom being 74 and diabetic and frail before this started she is taking much longer to get her strength back. This VAC system attached to her chest is scary to her to her too and she is going backwards in getting better rather than forwards. My doctor had me turn off the baby monitor I was using so I could hear her at night for my sanity and that scared mom too. I keep telling her the worst is over from the surgery and that she is able to get up and use the bathroom and walk on her own but it isn't getting thru to her. She has a port a pot in her room so she doesn't even have to leave her room. Yesterday morning,(first night without the monitor), she was in tears when I checked on her to see if she wanted to get up and have breakfast with me. She said her bed was wet, she couldn't get up to go and then began crying. Her bed wasn't wet, she had gotten up during the night but didn't make it to the pot. She did however change her clothes and get back into bed. I am wondering if the sleeping meds and Xanax are causing her to think she did things and she really didn't? I need some input on how the chemo is going to be for her. At this time my doctor is really afraid that my mental stability might not allow me to care for her and I really don't want to have to change her life living here with us if I don't have to or if I can handle it. My oldest brother has been told that he might have to care for her as in letting her move in with him and live there. This would mean changing doctors and being 90 miles away from us. None of the three brothers are supportive, they have never been before and they are not now. They hardly ever visit and all they care about is how much money they can get from her. Pretty bad I know but it is the truth. The oldest will come and help take her to the doctor and the one down the road may help drive her to the appointments but other than that nothing more. They won't relieve me for a break, they think it's my job and I should deal with it. It is okay that I have taken care of mom and dad for the past thirteen years and now they say I am copping out with some sort of illness to get out of my duty. Oh one said why did I take her in to my home five years ago if I didn't intend to care for her when things got tough. See I am dealing with these kind of so called brothers. I know the best place for mom is right here with us but the toll on me and my family and now this stupid anxiety thing has me wondering if I am up to taking care of her in the way she needs. She knows and said she had seen the breakdown coming for sometime and has tried very hard not to have me do so much but as old as she is I don't think she realizes how much she does expect of me. Then again she might just be depending on me so much since the surgery because she is scared. Last night is the first night I have slept straight thru more than four hours in years. I think what I am asking is how is chemo going to be for her and will it be worst than what she has gone thru so far. Thanks Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Peg, Everyone reacts to chemo differently. I had CMF and just a tiny bit of nausea. If she has nausea there are plenty of meds out there to control it. If one doesn't work then call the dr and they can change it. Depending on what type of chemo she gets have her chew on ice while receiving the chemo. It will help with controlling mouth sores. What about having some friends come sit with her so you can get out for awile or a visiting nurse? I know there are some ladies that will just come and sit with patients to give the family a break. I will keep you both in my prayers. Hugs nne Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html Check out my breast cancer ornaments at:http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlalso check out my other ornaments and lots of nice gifts at:http://www.cancerclub.com Re: PEG... Please give your mom my love and encouragement. I never thought I could do it but by golly here I am and I AM doing it..... Thanks to a lot of women in here. It feels good when my friends are amazed at how strong I am and how well I am taking all this. Makes me feel like SUPERWOMAN! Trish I think all of you ladies are SuperWoman! Mom is going thru the depression thing at this time. I have heard things like let me die why don't I and others. I keep reminding her of our three grand babies her great that she said she would fight to see grow up. It is pretty scary for me being her caregiver and trying to keep up with everything. I have to tell you I thought I was having a mental break down the early part of this week. My doctor, yes I called after some persuasion from another group to seek help. I have an anxiety disorder and some sort of chemical imbalance and now I am taking medicines to help that. With mom being 74 and diabetic and frail before this started she is taking much longer to get her strength back. This VAC system attached to her chest is scary to her to her too and she is going backwards in getting better rather than forwards. My doctor had me turn off the baby monitor I was using so I could hear her at night for my sanity and that scared mom too. I keep telling her the worst is over from the surgery and that she is able to get up and use the bathroom and walk on her own but it isn't getting thru to her. She has a port a pot in her room so she doesn't even have to leave her room. Yesterday morning,(first night without the monitor), she was in tears when I checked on her to see if she wanted to get up and have breakfast with me. She said her bed was wet, she couldn't get up to go and then began crying. Her bed wasn't wet, she had gotten up during the night but didn't make it to the pot. She did however change her clothes and get back into bed. I am wondering if the sleeping meds and Xanax are causing her to think she did things and she really didn't? I need some input on how the chemo is going to be for her. At this time my doctor is really afraid that my mental stability might not allow me to care for her and I really don't want to have to change her life living here with us if I don't have to or if I can handle it. My oldest brother has been told that he might have to care for her as in letting her move in with him and live there. This would mean changing doctors and being 90 miles away from us. None of the three brothers are supportive, they have never been before and they are not now. They hardly ever visit and all they care about is how much money they can get from her. Pretty bad I know but it is the truth. The oldest will come and help take her to the doctor and the one down the road may help drive her to the appointments but other than that nothing more. They won't relieve me for a break, they think it's my job and I should deal with it. It is okay that I have taken care of mom and dad for the past thirteen years and now they say I am copping out with some sort of illness to get out of my duty. Oh one said why did I take her in to my home five years ago if I didn't intend to care for her when things got tough. See I am dealing with these kind of so called brothers. I know the best place for mom is right here with us but the toll on me and my family and now this stupid anxiety thing has me wondering if I am up to taking care of her in the way she needs. She knows and said she had seen the breakdown coming for sometime and has tried very hard not to have me do so much but as old as she is I don't think she realizes how much she does expect of me. Then again she might just be depending on me so much since the surgery because she is scared. Last night is the first night I have slept straight thru more than four hours in years. I think what I am asking is how is chemo going to be for her and will it be worst than what she has gone thru so far. Thanks Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 <Depending on what type of chemo she gets have her chew on ice while receiving the chemo. It will help with controlling mouth sores.> nne, What types of chemo, do you know? Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Sweet Peg, Wow so much you are dealing with girl. What happens to mom when you have a total meltdown and can't care for her anymore? What happens to the rest of your family when they can't depend on you to bear all the burdens? I TRULY believe that how you handle cancer, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, and anything else that goes along with this horrid disease is up to YOU, the patient. When I first was diagnosed I was scared to death. I went immediately to surgery and then had to go in again for a second surgery 10 days later because all the margins weren't clear... I was so scared. Then I found this group and started to live again. I learned that I had a CHOICE as to how I would deal with it. I had a CHOICE as to smile or frown. I had a CHOICE how I would spend my days. I had a CHOICE how I would treat my family and friends. I CHOSE to DANCE! Of course your mom is scared. We all were and are. BUT she also has that choice of how to handle it. She has a CHOICE of being the Mother or the Child in this situation. Unless she was mentally incapacitated before the breast cancer she shouldn't be now. Let her know that she has a CHOICE and only she can make that choice. Don't tell her that you are turning off the monitor... Just do it. Allow her to be more dependant on HERSELF and not you. Chemo shouldn't be a trial for her unless she makes it one. It isn't easy, especially for us ladies that want and need to be productive and active in our lives. But for her, unless she is nauseated, (and she doesn't have to be) she should do fine with rest. Don't even mention nausea to her. Just make it clear that she will be tired and that's all. Don't put things in her mind beforehand. As for your brothers..... They too have a CHOICE and they choose not to help. So find someone to relieve you. Hire someone to come sit with mom if she needs it, and you go away for the day. Make it clear to her that she will be fine without you for a few hours. Peg, since you are the one doing all the caring, you must set the RULES for the care. A lot of 74 year old women have breast cancer, surgery, chemo etc and live alone. Encourage your mom to do things for herself and remind her that YOU are the child and she is still the mom here. Too often it is too easy to change roles and most of the time someone gets put at the bottom when this happens. I speak from experience. I finally had to put my mother in a nursing home when she got far too dependant on me when she was 75. She didn't have breast cancer, but she did have a BAD case of wanting me to care for her 24/7 and I just couldn't do that. I had a job and children to raise and a husband to care for. I couldn't give her my life. Keep that chin up girl and set some ground rules. Of course you love your mom. I can see that. BUT your life is important too Peg, and so is your sanity. My prayers and hugs are with you and your mom, Trisha -- Re: PEG... Please give your mom my love and encouragement. I never thought I could do it but by golly here I am and I AM doing it..... Thanks to a lot of women in here. It feels good when my friends are amazed at how strong I am and how well I am taking all this. Makes me feel like SUPERWOMAN! Trish I think all of you ladies are SuperWoman! Mom is going thru the depression thing at this time. I have heard things like let me die why don't I and others. I keep reminding her of our three grand babies her great that she said she would fight to see grow up. It is pretty scary for me being her caregiver and trying to keep up with everything. I have to tell you I thought I was having a mental break down the early part of this week. My doctor, yes I called after some persuasion from another group to seek help. I have an anxiety disorder and some sort of chemical imbalance and now I am taking medicines to help that. With mom being 74 and diabetic and frail before this started she is taking much longer to get her strength back. This VAC system attached to her chest is scary to her to her too and she is going backwards in getting better rather than forwards. My doctor had me turn off the baby monitor I was using so I could hear her at night for my sanity and that scared mom too. I keep telling her the worst is over from the surgery and that she is able to get up and use the bathroom and walk on her own but it isn't getting thru to her. She has a port a pot in her room so she doesn't even have to leave her room. Yesterday morning,(first night without the monitor), she was in tears when I checked on her to see if she wanted to get up and have breakfast with me. She said her bed was wet, she couldn't get up to go and then began crying. Her bed wasn't wet, she had gotten up during the night but didn't make it to the pot. She did however change her clothes and get back into bed. I am wondering if the sleeping meds and Xanax are causing her to think she did things and she really didn't? I need some input on how the chemo is going to be for her. At this time my doctor is really afraid that my mental stability might not allow me to care for her and I really don't want to have to change her life living here with us if I don't have to or if I can handle it. My oldest brother has been told that he might have to care for her as in letting her move in with him and live there. This would mean changing doctors and being 90 miles away from us. None of the three brothers are supportive, they have never been before and they are not now. They hardly ever visit and all they care about is how much money they can get from her. Pretty bad I know but it is the truth. The oldest will come and help take her to the doctor and the one down the road may help drive her to the appointments but other than that nothing more. They won't relieve me for a break, they think it's my job and I should deal with it. It is okay that I have taken care of mom and dad for the past thirteen years and now they say I am copping out with some sort of illness to get out of my duty. Oh one said why did I take her in to my home five years ago if I didn't intend to care for her when things got tough. See I am dealing with these kind of so called brothers. I know the best place for mom is right here with us but the toll on me and my family and now this stupid anxiety thing has me wondering if I am up to taking care of her in the way she needs. She knows and said she had seen the breakdown coming for sometime and has tried very hard not to have me do so much but as old as she is I don't think she realizes how much she does expect of me. Then again she might just be depending on me so much since the surgery because she is scared. Last night is the first night I have slept straight thru more than four hours in years. I think what I am asking is how is chemo going to be for her and will it be worst than what she has gone thru so far. Thanks Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 I know chewing on ice is recommended for ycin Barb Roy wrote on 3/10/2006, 8:58 AM: <Depending on what type of chemo she gets have her chew on ice while receiving the chemo. It will help with controlling mouth sores.> nne, What types of chemo, do you know? Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Depending on what type of chemo she gets have her chew on ice while receiving the chemo. It will help with controlling mouth sores.> nne, What types of chemo, do you know? Barb Mom hasn't gotten that far yet. She is still healing from the double masectomy. I do know she said right after surgery extensive but I am not sure now. Since all her test came back negative I am not sure how extensive and when questioned her doctor said one step at a time. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 As for your brothers..... They too have a CHOICE and they choose not to help. So find someone to relieve you. Hire someone to come sit with mom if she needs it, and you go away for the day. Make it clear to her that she will be fine without you for a few hours. Peg, since you are the one doing all the caring, you must set the RULES for the care. A lot of 74 year old women have breast cancer, surgery, chemo etc and live alone. Encourage your mom to do things for herself and remind her that YOU are the child and she is still the mom here. Too often it is too easy to change roles and most of the time someone gets put at the bottom when this happens. I speak from experience. I finally had to put my mother in a nursing home Trisha, thanks so much for writing me. I can use all the support I can get for mom and myself. The nurse has been here for six hours today..argh She came up with faulty connectors or so she said and used electrical tape to stop the leak. Then she hadn't been gone ten minutes and her machine was beeping for loss of suction. I had to call her back here to redo it. Then she says oh it is a bad tube so she replaces that is on her way to the car and the beep went off again. Now by this time I have been up and down every ten minute waiting on both of them for some sort of reason and I am getting angry. Yes I have taken my meds today so I guess anger was better than stressed. She came back in and this time changed the entire dressing on the right side and applied other ointments to help keep the seal. So all this waste of connectors and hoses was her hurrying but too lazy to redo her bandage job. I may have to report her if this happens again. I woke my husband and told him just now that my doctor ordered him to make sure that I had four hours of uninterupted time to sleep or just rest and I intended to take it tonight. He chose to work overtime tonight so he will have to suck it up and help me out before he leaves for work. As you can see I am getting a little testy and maybe I do need a nap too.lol I got mom comfortable and told her okay now stay put until supper is ready. Do not call me again unless that machine starts beeping.....she said okay but bet me she won't be able to do it. I sure hoped the day I finally decided to tough it out and keep her here and I get ran raggid all day. Todd ask me once he was up and heard how my day had gone are you sure you can handle this.....I said yep cause I am fixing to tell her to get up and do it herself in a nice way of course:) She is worn out from the nurse messing with her all day so hopefully once supper is over she will be down for the night. I know I will be snoring by ten tonight. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 I know chewing on ice is recommended for ycin Thanks for the advice. I will start a notebook on all these ideas for later on. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 And one more thing. As long as you know in your heart you are doing the best you can do. Don't feel bad for anything. You love your Mom and your heart is in the right place. You are there for her. That's all one should have to do.Godspeed!Dari Dari, Thanks for your input. Mom has Xanax to take. Is that not an antidepressant? If not I will speak to her doctor as soon as he comes back from Spring break. Seems everyone is leaving for that week including my doctor as well. At this time they are trying to get her healed so she can begin chemo. The nurse said she needs to get up at least three times a day and sit up and she needs to walk. That is the biggest problem I have getting her to do. I have gotten her up for breakfast and supper but at lunch she won't get up. I know her body needs the rest too so I am not pushing her to get up if she doesn't feel like it but she is running my legs off taking her things, doing things or what have you. So I am going to have to figure out a way to meet her in the middle. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Thank you for the info. Still not sure what they are going to put me on but trying to gather as much info as possible. Re: PEG... I know chewing on ice is recommended for ycinBarb Roy wrote on 3/10/2006, 8:58 AM: <Depending on what type of chemo she gets have her chew on ice while receiving the chemo. It will help with controlling mouth sores.> nne, What types of chemo, do you know? Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Peg, Xanax is a tranquilizer. Its used for anxiety, tension, fatigue,aggitation and also irritable bowel syndrome,panic attacks, depression and PMS. What if you asked your Mom what she would like near the bed as you have some things you need to take care of and will be busy for awhile. I will keep you both in my prayers. Hugs nne Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html Check out my breast cancer ornaments at:http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlalso check out my other ornaments and lots of nice gifts at:http://www.cancerclub.com Re: PEG... And one more thing. As long as you know in your heart you are doing the best you can do. Don't feel bad for anything. You love your Mom and your heart is in the right place. You are there for her. That's all one should have to do.Godspeed!Dari Dari, Thanks for your input. Mom has Xanax to take. Is that not an antidepressant? If not I will speak to her doctor as soon as he comes back from Spring break. Seems everyone is leaving for that week including my doctor as well. At this time they are trying to get her healed so she can begin chemo. The nurse said she needs to get up at least three times a day and sit up and she needs to walk. That is the biggest problem I have getting her to do. I have gotten her up for breakfast and supper but at lunch she won't get up. I know her body needs the rest too so I am not pushing her to get up if she doesn't feel like it but she is running my legs off taking her things, doing things or what have you. So I am going to have to figure out a way to meet her in the middle. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Xanax is not an anti-depressant but a nerve/anxiety medication. Jackie -- Re: PEG... And one more thing. As long as you know in your heart you are doing the best you can do. Don't feel bad for anything. You love your Mom and your heart is in the right place. You are there for her. That's all one should have to do.Godspeed!Dari Dari, Thanks for your input. Mom has Xanax to take. Is that not an antidepressant? If not I will speak to her doctor as soon as he comes back from Spring break. Seems everyone is leaving for that week including my doctor as well. At this time they are trying to get her healed so she can begin chemo. The nurse said she needs to get up at least three times a day and sit up and she needs to walk. That is the biggest problem I have getting her to do. I have gotten her up for breakfast and supper but at lunch she won't get up. I know her body needs the rest too so I am not pushing her to get up if she doesn't feel like it but she is running my legs off taking her things, doing things or what have you. So I am going to have to figure out a way to meet her in the middle. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2006 Report Share Posted March 11, 2006 Peg, If your Mom was still in the hospital they would have her up. Being in that bed isn't good for her. My mother is 74 also and her health isn't the greatest so I do understand. Sharonpegs6116@... wrote: And one more thing. As long as you know in your heart you are doing the best you can do. Don't feel bad for anything. You love your Mom and your heart is in the right place. You are there for her. That's all one should have to do.Godspeed!Dari Dari, Thanks for your input. Mom has Xanax to take. Is that not an antidepressant? If not I will speak to her doctor as soon as he comes back from Spring break. Seems everyone is leaving for that week including my doctor as well. At this time they are trying to get her healed so she can begin chemo. The nurse said she needs to get up at least three times a day and sit up and she needs to walk. That is the biggest problem I have getting her to do. I have gotten her up for breakfast and supper but at lunch she won't get up. I know her body needs the rest too so I am not pushing her to get up if she doesn't feel like it but she is running my legs off taking her things, doing things or what have you. So I am going to have to figure out a way to meet her in the middle. Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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