Re: Acting out question...

[Guest guest]

Strictly my unofficial opinion:

Your daughter may have more energy than she's ever dealt with before,

and not yet have fgured out how to cope with the sudden change in the

way she feels. When my son feels rotten, he has excellent behavior.

When he feels great, he's a high-energy whirlwind. One helpful

suggestion I got was to increase the amount of exercise he gets - so

now he goes to basketball just before art class. Basketball burns a

lot of energy, then he can sit still and focus in art class. (no, he

is definitely not hypreactive - just high energy)

Try giving Gabby more time with trike/bike in the morning, or go for

walks, or find the way she likes best to expand that energy.

Maureen

>

> OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she should

> be more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!

> (Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on INH for her inactive TB for 10

> days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or anything.

> I figure the stuff must be working....

>

> Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been " acting out " ...refusing to

> do what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-

> brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabby

> figured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG no-

> no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then colored

> on the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily, Mrs

> is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.

>

> What do you guys do when your kids start this? I KNOW Gabby's

> feeling better on her gluten free diet. She WOLFS down food & drink!

> (YIPEE?!!)Her tummy doesn't hurt anymore...she just told me that

> this morning! I didn't know it hurt! She does NOT understand

> withholding fun stuff. And she gets very little in the way of

> treats. My " punishment " today with the hitting was to tell her I

> would not give her a hug & kiss. She LIVES for hugs & kisses. When

> we got home, I took her out of the car & said, " I am very mad that

> you hit Mrs . " Gabby said, " I know. I sorry " & then hugged &

> kissed ME!

>

> On the POSITIVE side of this diet--I'm figuring it's the

> diet/getting the toxic waste of gluten from her body--Gabby is a

> potty training CHAMP! This is the 5th day in panties---no goofs!

> Even going out to the store & restaurants! ) I had heard that

> going gluten free would probably help with potty training because

> she wouldn't have a tummy ache & wonder if it was time to go. But I

> didn't know her tummy DID hurt--so I kept trying to potty train all

> last year! Oh well!

>

> Sorry it's so long...but thanks in advance for any help you can

> offer! Laurel

>

[Guest guest]

How old is Gabby? Potty training? 2? 2 1/2? 2 years old seems awfully young for dancing lessons.

Ah, the terrible twos. They are all naughty, Gabby's not special.

What I did with my kid, when he was having a bad day, was to say, "you are being a bit naughty. Does that mean you are not getting enough attention? Then I would stop whatever I was doing, put my arms around him, and focus 100% of my attention on him for a few minutes. It would calm him down and let him start over fresh. Once he was calm, we could talk and I could explain why it would be better if he used a different behavior. Once he was settled, he could focus on what I was saying enough to absorb it.

When they are naughty and get scolded, get in trouble, or are punished or exposed to disapproval, I think it sends them on a downward spiral of bad behavior. It seems when they don't know what to do or how to stop, their behavior spins out of control. Time-outs can work really well if they are used as time for the child to compose himself and not as a punishment.

I don't have a lot of experience with bad children, so I don't know how that would work with kids who have serious behavior issues. My child was really well behaved and he had several friends who were terrors and tyrants at home who would come to my house and be good as gold. The first time they misbehaved, I would give them a big hug, and tell them I really liked them a lot. As soon as they were calm, I could tell them how I would like for them to behave in my house, and that would be the end of any trouble. Some of those kids hung out at my house for years and years and always behaved beautifully.

One thing to keep in mind is that a tired puppy is a good puppy. My kid and his guests didn't sit in front of the television. They were outside playing hard, or helping me with chores. I was outside with them, making sure all went well and that they had something to do that wouldn't get them into trouble.

Chris

"Acting out" question...

OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she shouldbe more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!(Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on INH for her inactive TB for 10days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or anything.I figure the stuff must be working....Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been "acting out"...refusing todo what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabbyfigured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG no-no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then coloredon the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily, Mrs is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.What do you guys do when your kids start this? I KNOW Gabby'sfeeling better on her gluten free diet. She WOLFS down food & drink!(YIPEE?!!)Her tummy doesn't hurt anymore...she just told me thatthis morning! I didn't know it hurt! She does NOT understandwithholding fun stuff. And she gets very little in the way oftreats. My "punishment" today with the hitting was to tell her Iwould not give her a hug & kiss. She LIVES for hugs & kisses. Whenwe got home, I took her out of the car & said, "I am very mad thatyou hit Mrs ." Gabby said, "I know. I sorry" & then hugged & kissed ME!On the POSITIVE side of this diet--I'm figuring it's thediet/getting the toxic waste of gluten from her body--Gabby is apotty training CHAMP! This is the 5th day in panties---no goofs!Even going out to the store & restaurants! ) I had heard thatgoing gluten free would probably help with potty training becauseshe wouldn't have a tummy ache & wonder if it was time to go. But Ididn't know her tummy DID hurt--so I kept trying to potty train alllast year! Oh well!Sorry it's so long...but thanks in advance for any help you canoffer! Laurel

[Guest guest]

>

> How old is Gabby? Potty training? 2? 2 1/2? 2 years old seems

awfully young for dancing lessons.

>

She is 3.5 years old. We didn't push the potty training because she was

having such a hard time with constipation/the BIG " D " . She is also a

perfectionist...FREAKED if she messed her pants. PLUS she is from a

Russian orphanage where the beat the snot out of her for messing up.

(pants, chores, anything...she was only 25 months when we got her but

was " potty trained " to only go when they put her on a potty...we

regressed her. Yes, 1 year olds get chores in orphanages.)

[Guest guest]

Given Gabby’s history, I agree with

Chris’s “love them into good behavior” approach. Actually I

like that approach anyway. Couple that with celebration that she feels so much

better…

Laurie

lbilyeu@...

From: SillyYaks [mailto:SillyYaks ] On Behalf Of Laurel S

Sent: Friday, March 03, 2006 4:25

PM

To: SillyYaks

Subject: Re:

" Acting out " question...

>

> How old is Gabby? Potty training?

2? 2 1/2? 2 years old seems

awfully young for dancing lessons.

>

She is 3.5 years old. We didn't push the potty

training because she was

having such a hard time with constipation/the BIG

" D " . She is also a

perfectionist...FREAKED if she messed her pants.

PLUS she is from a

Russian orphanage where the beat the snot out of

her for messing up.

(pants, chores, anything...she was only 25 months

when we got her but

was " potty trained " to only go when they

put her on a potty...we

regressed her. Yes, 1 year olds get chores in

orphanages.)

[Guest guest]

3.5 years is not at all too old for a child with gluten intolerance. Poor thing. How difficult to try to learn potty when you have little control over your bowels.

That "freaked" is from being punished for messing her pants. You can bank on that. As far as I am concerned, punishing children just teaches them to lie, hoping to find a way to avoid being punished.

More exercise would do her good. She has to be feeling tons better, and that always ups the energy level.

So lucky for you to be able to add her to your family. That must have been a real adventure to bring her home.

best wishes

Chris

Re: "Acting out" question...

>> How old is Gabby? Potty training? 2? 2 1/2? 2 years old seems awfully young for dancing lessons.> She is 3.5 years old. We didn't push the potty training because she was having such a hard time with constipation/the BIG "D". She is also a perfectionist...FREAKED if she messed her pants. PLUS she is from a Russian orphanage where the beat the snot out of her for messing up. (pants, chores, anything...she was only 25 months when we got her but was "potty trained" to only go when they put her on a potty...we regressed her. Yes, 1 year olds get chores in orphanages.)

[Guest guest]

My sister is working with my nephew on his acting out. He is usually a good

kid, but gets

all riled up and doesn't even realize he is misbehaving until he calms down -

and then he

knows and is sorry. One of the cutest things they do is draw pictures of how he

will act in

certain situations, like at school - like a storyboard. He is a bit older, but

I bet younger

kids would like it too. It helps him to visualize his good behavior. Not the

total solution

to this, but I never would have though of this myself and love the idea so

wanted to share

it.

[Guest guest]

My NT daughter will be 4 in April and is not potty trained.

My now 7 year old autistic son started pooping on the potty as soon

as we started the gfcf diet after he turned 3 ( peeing took longer ).

Revel in your daughter's age appropriate behavior. My NT daughter

shoves other kids, hits them, takes their toys away, and teases

them.

That she is displaying these behaviors shows that she is getting on

the path of normalcy.

Of course, while you revel in it, you must start to discipline her.

Don't look at having to cease the behavior immediately at all

costs. This whole thing takes time. Discipline is not necessarily

punishment. It does not have to be a negative thing. You have many

options open to you, and you will have to select what you think is

appropriate for your family. The only thing I want to share with

you is to not withdraw your love as a punishment. It is far more

damaging to not give a hug or a kiss than to swat her bottom. She

must believe she is worthy in your eyes of love no matter what.

This attachment to you will make other forms of discipline far more

effective.

Take care, and good luck on the diet. I hope you see the remarkable

changes we saw. Our son's language and play took off right after we

started the diet.

>

> OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she

should

> be more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!

> (Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on INH for her inactive TB for 10

> days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or

anything.

> I figure the stuff must be working....

>

> Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been " acting out " ...refusing

to

> do what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-

> brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabby

> figured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG

no-

> no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then

colored

> on the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily,

Mrs

> is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.

>

> What do you guys do when your kids start this? I KNOW Gabby's

> feeling better on her gluten free diet. She WOLFS down food &

drink!

> (YIPEE?!!)Her tummy doesn't hurt anymore...she just told me that

> this morning! I didn't know it hurt! She does NOT understand

> withholding fun stuff. And she gets very little in the way of

> treats. My " punishment " today with the hitting was to tell her I

> would not give her a hug & kiss. She LIVES for hugs & kisses. When

> we got home, I took her out of the car & said, " I am very mad that

> you hit Mrs . " Gabby said, " I know. I sorry " & then hugged &

> kissed ME!

>

> On the POSITIVE side of this diet--I'm figuring it's the

> diet/getting the toxic waste of gluten from her body--Gabby is a

> potty training CHAMP! This is the 5th day in panties---no goofs!

> Even going out to the store & restaurants! ) I had heard that

> going gluten free would probably help with potty training because

> she wouldn't have a tummy ache & wonder if it was time to go. But I

> didn't know her tummy DID hurt--so I kept trying to potty train all

> last year! Oh well!

>

> Sorry it's so long...but thanks in advance for any help you can

> offer! Laurel

>

[Guest guest]

In Gabby's case maybe try some positive reinforcement. I have a 7yo boy and 5 yo boy and I found these great things called reward coins. They are cute they come in a mix of colors and on one side they say "I was caught being good" with a smile face. I bought each boy his own 4.5" smiley bank and when they have day that I don't have to "speak" to them about their behavior they get a reward coin. When they reach ten they get a treat like an ice cream from Friendly's....It has worked wonders with my 5 yo. He was the tough one. MassLaurel S wrote: OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she shouldbe more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!(Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on

INH for her inactive TB for 10days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or anything.I figure the stuff must be working....Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been "acting out"...refusing todo what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabbyfigured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG no-no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then coloredon the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily, Mrs is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.What do you guys do when your kids start this? I KNOW Gabby'sfeeling better on her gluten free diet. She WOLFS down food & drink!(YIPEE?!!)Her tummy doesn't hurt anymore...she just told me thatthis morning! I didn't know it hurt! She does NOT understandwithholding fun stuff. And she gets very little in the way

oftreats. My "punishment" today with the hitting was to tell her Iwould not give her a hug & kiss. She LIVES for hugs & kisses. Whenwe got home, I took her out of the car & said, "I am very mad thatyou hit Mrs ." Gabby said, "I know. I sorry" & then hugged & kissed ME!On the POSITIVE side of this diet--I'm figuring it's thediet/getting the toxic waste of gluten from her body--Gabby is apotty training CHAMP! This is the 5th day in panties---no goofs!Even going out to the store & restaurants! ) I had heard thatgoing gluten free would probably help with potty training becauseshe wouldn't have a tummy ache & wonder if it was time to go. But Ididn't know her tummy DID hurt--so I kept trying to potty train alllast year! Oh well!Sorry it's so long...but thanks in advance for any help you canoffer! Laurel

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[Guest guest]

Hi Laurel!

I'd like to point out that one of the side effects of INH is mood

changes. I've had some patients who became downright angry people

while on this therapy. It's not a common side effect, but it is one

nonetheless.

Another possibility - I've always considered the terrible 2's to be

much worse at 3. Two was a breeze for mine, and my friend's kids.....

3 was another story.

Margie R

In South Central PA...on the Mason Dixon Line

> OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she should

> be more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!

> (Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on INH for her inactive TB for 10

> days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or anything.

> I figure the stuff must be working....

>

> Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been " acting out " ...refusing to

> do what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-

> brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabby

> figured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG no-

> no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then colored

> on the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily, Mrs

> is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurel,

My daughter (not a celiac) is on INH right now too. I wanted to suggest to you to have the pharmacist flavor it with GRAPE flavor.....it really masks the taste well. Also, my pharmacy (Target) adds an anti-bitter potion to it too. My 5 year old does not mind taking the grape flavor at all, but when we tried strawberry one month, it was horrible.

She seems to tolerate the medicine fine....no mood changes. And ditto on the 3 thing.....2 was a breeze with my DD, but 3 was a whole different ballgame!

Amy in Northern CA

Re: "Acting out" question...

Hi Laurel!I'd like to point out that one of the side effects of INH is mood changes. I've had some patients who became downright angry people while on this therapy. It's not a common side effect, but it is one nonetheless.Another possibility - I've always considered the terrible 2's to be much worse at 3. Two was a breeze for mine, and my friend's kids..... 3 was another story.Margie RIn South Central PA...on the Mason Dixon Line> OK, Gabby's been gluten-free for 2.5 weeks...the doc said she should> be more energetic when she's been on the diet for a few weeks!> (Lord, help me!) AND, she's been on INH for her inactive TB for 10> days...she doesn't like it, but she doesn't throw it up or anything.> I figure the stuff must be working....>> Anyway, for the past week, Gabby has been "acting out"...refusing to> do what Miss Brittany (dance teacher) asked (Well, that's a no-> brainer, Miss Brittany is a wimp when it comes to teaching & Gabby> figured that out in about 5 minutes!), running in the house (BIG no-> no), yesterday she refused to stop bouncing in speech & then colored> on the table, today she hit the speech teacher!!! ARGH! Luckily, Mrs> is good & firm--put her in a time-out for 3 minutes.>

[Guest guest]

I can't comment on the INH or the gluten causing bad behavior because

my children's behavior improved out of all recognition when they went

GFCF. In fact we see behavior change whenever they inadvertently get

glutened. We do not know what affect the dairy has on them, if any,

as they have not had any dairy in 6 months.

I have a few suggestions for changing her behavior, the first being,

please do not ever withhold love from a child. A child needs to know

that her parents love her no matter what. You are setting yourself

up for huge problems later if you do this.

We find two books on parenting particularly helpful. The first is

" Playful Parenting " by Lawrence Cohen and the other is " The Power of

Positive Parenting- A wonderful way to raise children " by Glenn Latham.

Cohen talks about how children need to feel emotionally secure and if

they don't they act out. We have found this to be very true for our

children. When DH and I start getting distracted and don't give our

children our full attention they realize it and start acting out. We

fix it by spending some concentrated playtime with them. This book

has been a life saver for us.

Latham gives many examples of how to mold our children's behavior

without being punitive. It is very powerful. Based on his techniques

I would do the following with your daughter. I would sit her down and

tell her in simple steps how I expect her to behave in dance class.

then I would ask her questions about how I expect her to behave. I

would do this to make sure she understand me. I would ask the

questions in as many different ways as I could to make sure she

understands it. I would do this at home, in the car on the way to

dance and then just before you start the dance class.

Once you are in the dance class I would use positive reinforcement

every time she is behaving well. it could be a smile, a touch, a nod

or a vocal comment. YOu will need the teacher to be part of this.

Then at the end of the class, thank her for her good behavior and if

there was any bad behavior ask her if she thinks her behavior was all

good or if there was some behavior that wasn't. Then ask her to tell

you what behavior wasn't up to par and how she should have behaved.

Next time go through the entire system again.

I use this all the time and it works a charm for us. I take care to

make sure that I label the behavior good or bad, not the child. I

think this is very important. Children aren't bad, they just exhibit

behaviors that aren't what we wish and it is our role as parents to

show them what acceptable behavior is.

Shez

[Guest guest]

INH is the medicine you are on daily for 9 months to clear up inactive

TB! We figure our little girl got her TB in her birthmom's home or

orphanage in Russia. The TB is inactive because she has been exposed,

it has taken up residency in her body...BUT it has NOT spread to her

lungs yet.

>

> Can I ask what INH is?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> Gluten Free makes me feel good and it taste good too!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurel,

I'm fairly old school when it come to parenting, but when my son acts

out, I have started to simply point out the behavior, ask him if he

knew what he was doing was wrong and if so I tell him to stop and

think why he might have done it. My son is only 5.5 but he has told

me the most interesting things when I ask. He told me once he knew

they we not, but could not help thinking that the older boys thought

he was a baby. WOW pretty convoluted that for a kindergartner! Once

we talked it out and did some role-playing to help him, it solved the

problem in that area at least.

It could be that with the changes in her life she is trying to find

her space and role. I would hesitate to withhold loving attention, it

could be that it might confuse her and she might just make a weird

connection to the change in discipline with the celiac. As a young

child I thought my mother thought I was stupid because she questioned

a teacher on why she gave me an A on a homework assignment. They were

teaching or should I say not teaching grammar and spelling and only

concentrated on content. My mother wondered why the A when I had so

many spelling errors. I figured she did not think I could get an A.

When it comes to our mother's approval, we all end up with a few

issues. If this is the only thing that works for you, I suggest you

repeatedly tell your daughter that you still love her even when does

things wrong. That your love is unconditional and not based on good

behavior.

The funny thing is when my son is truly gluten free he is an angle,

but when he has been glutened... Everyone take cover. At ten months

old, I told my mother that he had an edgy, angry streak. He would

bite with intent to due harm without reason. Then he turned into this

sweet charming child when we DH him at 2 years.

Sorry to rattle on but, my son's discipline when he has been glutened

has kept me up at night.

Tas