Re: No One Understands...

[Guest guest]

Kim,

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time. But dont think that you may never have children. When I lost my daughter during delivery(uterine rupture), I was told I could never have another baby, plus I also developed AS, anyway, I have a wonderful 1 year old because of a beautiful, loving surrogate who helped us to have her. {{{{hugs}}}}}

[Guest guest]

Thanks again for your kind words. With all you've been through, I

kind of feel selfish for whining

Kim,

Don't feel selfish, you are going through a lot right now. I dont' blame you for wanting to be pregnant. I hope you are able to find a dr who can help you and make your dreams come true!! {{{{hugs}}}}

Mommy to Tommy,,Abby, &

~i~ Hannah 4-12-00

"Holding you, I held everything"

[Guest guest]

-

Thanks so much. I know I should be focused on the end result of

getting a baby, but right now, I want to have the baby myself. I

want to go through the pregnancy, feeling the baby move, and even the

morning sickness and labor. I've been pregnant twice, but have never

made it past 8 weeks. My husband and I have discussed adoption and

have kind of skirted around surrogacy, but I'm not really sure I'm

ready to " go there " yet. Plus, I'm not sure how we could possibly

afford either option.

Right now, I just wish I could stop feeling so depressed and angry.

Thanks again for your kind words. With all you've been through, I

kind of feel selfish for whining.

Kim K.

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

I know exactly how you feel. Everywhere you look people are having babies - even on the telly! My husbands cousin had a baby with his girlfriend 3 months ago without even trying. They have been together quite a few years, but had only lived together for about 6 months before becoming pregnant. Why is everything so perfect for other people?

Of course, we are pleased for them and their daughter is beautiful but I have feelings of jealousy that I wish I didnt have.

I dont know how far through you are in your AS journey, but I am at the point that after 4 hysts I have started regular periods and am now waiting on a lining measurement to see if we can ttc.

It has been a long time getting here though, and I too have had days where I have just cried for what seems to other people as for no reason. Going to Tesco and passing the tiny baby outfits or even just the sudocream had me in floods.

People do say the wrong thing, but I think it is because they think it better than saying nothing at all. My mother-in-law has a philoshophy in life - if it was meant to be it would be. I have had to bite my tongue so many times when hearing that, I almost bit it off.

My dh and I got to the point that I wouldnt talk about it because I wouldnt want to upset him, and he wouldnt talk about it because if I was upset, he didnt want to upset me more, and if I wasnt seeming upset, he didnt want to upset me!

Its an easy pattern to get into. I am very lucky that I have a couple of great friends, and we have all been there through everything that has happened with us and our children (I am blessed with a 10 year old daughter, Katrina). They are very supportive and do their very best to understand - and they dont say comforting things just for the sake of it, or try to find silver linings.

You have been through a terrible experience and am sure that your emotions are all over the place. One of my greatest feelings is of deep guilt. Not that I have done anything wrong, but that I am unable to do what women all over the world manage just by accident.

This group has been a great support throughout my journey, and I am sure that you will find the stories, encouragement and advice so helpful.

I am so sorry for your loss, but I hope that you will begin to feel stronger through this group. We all do understand.

Take care,

(UK)

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[Guest guest]

(UK) -

Thanks so much for responding. I'm so grateful to have found this

group. Finally, I know there are people out there who understand all

the emotions I'm having and can let me know that it's perfectly

normal.

Kim K.

[Guest guest]

Dear Kim and Koleen,

I am so sorry for your losses and the double whammy of Asherman's. It is a

painful emotional place for us all to be. Please feel free to vent whenever!! I

am sick of people saying " Don't worry, you can have another baby! " First of all

it does not replace my son Elijah (he died at 20 weeks on 4/9/2003) and second

of all maybe I can't have another baby! SO I wish all the well meaning folks

would just say " I am sorry. " Period. And it seems like everyone I know is having

babies. My best friend's son was born 9 days before mine died. And my

ex-sister-in-law (we are still close)just delivered twins 1 1/2 weeks ago. And

no one seems to get it...that with Asherman's you may not get pregnant...

Sorry, I was comforting you and got off on my own vent! I hope you find the

support you need on this Yahoo group and especially good information. It is very

helpful to correspond with other women who actually know how I feel!!!!

I see my RE to get my lining measured on Thur. I have been on Estrogen for 7

weeks...hopefully there is something there after the D & C I had after my son was

born.

GOod Luck!!

Love,

LAura

^'^ Angel Elijah

[Guest guest]

-

Actually, I was glad that you vented. It made me feel even more OK

that I did. I agree it's frustrating with all the well-intentioned

people saying that we can have another baby. I even told one friend

about the Asherman's and she said something to the effect that since

I'm still ovulating, it'll just be a matter of time before I get

pregnant again. What? Did she not hear what I just said?

Like I told Kolleen, I'm sorry that any of us have to go through this

but am glad we're in this together.

Kim K.

[Guest guest]

Kim,

I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. I know those emotions all too

well. Our cases sound very very similar. I had a missed

miscarriage (twins) last summer, followed by a D & C. My periods after

that were extremely light like yours: 1 day light bleed, few days

spotting. The fact that I had a period of any kind made it really

difficult to get anyone to take my concerns seriously. My HSG was

also similar to yours: the cavity mostly open except for some

blockage in the upper right corner. I didn't know about this group,

so I went on to have my surgery with my RE. I am now seeing an A-

list doctor.

I know how scary it is to think that you will never carry your own

child. I am still paralyzed by this fear every day and have a

permanent knot in my stomach! It just all seems so unfair! We found

out shortly after this miscarriage that my sister-in-law was pregnant

(an " oops " ) and due within days of my original due date. I kept

asking myself WHY! My husband and I haven't really discussed options

too much yet either. I think neither one of us is ready to admit yet

that we won't have our own baby. I think it's OK to not visit this

option yet--and for you it is definitely too early.

You have to know that there is always hope. The fact that you are

getting some kind of period is an extremely encouraging sign. I know

how hard it is not to think in terms of the worse case scenario (I'm

guilty of that big-time). Let yourself cry and be angry--this is a

terrible thing that has happened to you. But in the end, be inspired

by all the success stories on this board and be confident that you

will be one of them. I think one of the biggest hurdles is getting

properly diagnosed.

It is very lonely to have Asherman's and the title of your post says

it all: noone understands. It's not like a regular miscarriage,

it's a double devastating whammy. That's what we're here for.

Please feel free to vent anytime you need to. Even if I don't post

very often, you can always email me privately.

Haley