RE: Family support - 95% divorce rate

May 13, 2002

, I'm sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. I hope you get

everything figured out.

This 95% divorce rate for marriages with graves is going to stress me out

now. Please, the rest of you, tell me that it's just not true.

I thank my husband all the time for putting up with my temper tantrums and

lack of energy, messy house & laundry piles, lack of conversational skills,

and all the other things I can't do anymore and that don't get done anymore.

Most days, I'm overwhelmed with the fact that I have this disease, that I

can't do things like I used to (I'm type A, have to be in control, have my

list of things to do, and it bothers me that the list is so big now, with no

light at the end of the tunnel). And I get caught up in the " why me " pity

party sometimes. But we both know, or at least hope, that this is not

permanent. Yes, he's grumpy sometimes because he's pulling more than his

share of the work, that I don't have the energy to go for a hike or a bike

ride like I used to, stuff like that, but this is temporary, and we will

make it through this.

Won't we????

May 13, 2002

Hi Pam,

Interesting number 95%.

Doesn't sound right to me. Makes me wonder where that comes from. Did they

only count...what ???

The people in 'their' group?

The people that had no access to information, and were kept hypo ?

The people ' not properly treated ? I am sure they would have problems

with all of this, true.

How many of us understand our labs, and do something about it ?

As far as the house and the lists... you are still not in your 'zone' yet.

Please don't think it will be this way all along.

The most important thing you can do right now, is get well. The house can

wait. It's not going anywhere. :-)

I redid my lists. They now read.. this week instead of NOW. There are also

columns for, Someday, This Year, Sooner, Later, Projects, Quickies, and

Longer than 15 min.

Though you would be amazed at what you can do in 15 min. if you grab those

little chunks of time, off and on. I found this kept things down to a dull

roar while I was still sick, and 15 min. did not leave me exhausted the next

day.

May sound silly, but it takes the pressure off, and I realize I really can

not do all of this today ! No one could .

Then as I got better and better, I am almost surprised when I open the door

and come in my house now. It's finally not so bad. It just kind of happened

gradually as I have felt better, without working so hard at it.

So don't panic. You are doing great. We all know how much you have learned,

and even taken the time to share with us.

My personal guess would be that intelligent , kind loving people like

yourself are 'allowed ' to get sick and have time to heal, and a husband

that sees the effort being put in, will understand .

-Pam-

May 13, 2002

I'll bet (and I hope!) that that " statistic " isn't the result of any

kind of study or survey. It was probably just the speakers way of saying

that the toll this disease can have on relationships, when it isn't

diagnosed/managed is very high.

It is a hard thing, both on the individuals and their relationships, but

I think if we know what is going on, and do what we can, there is a lot

more hope for our marriages than that!

-- in Fla.

May 13, 2002

YES, you will! I don't know where that number came from, but it can't be true.

My husband needed some time to learn about this disease and adjust a little bit.

But he is great now. He even compliments me on when the house looks nice

because he knows how hard it is for me to be sick and raise two toddlers and

cook and do the house and, and, and.... Anyway, Pam is right...you'll be able

to do more as you feel better and that will happen. It just takes time. I

used to do the same thing...put so much pressure on myself and make these

monster lists that no one could possibly finish. I've stopped making lists.

I've even forced myself to wake up in the morning and NOT make too much of a

plan, which is a drastic change for me. It helps my stress level a lot to just

take the day as it comes and then I don't have anything to feel guilty about at

the end of the day. INstead of looking at the list and seeing all that I didn't

accomplish, I think back on all the things I did do! Give yourself time and let

yourself heal!! You deserve that! And I'm sure you're marriage will be all the

better in the end. I feel that mine will.

Kristi