Re: Child is upset about this

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/3/00 1:21:05 PM, duodenalswitchegroups writes:

<< He asked " but you're coming home at night, aren't you? " And then he

said he was scared. He's only 7, and really attached. I told him he

could come and visit after a couple of days and Daddy will do some fun

things with him. I know my husband, though. He will probably not do

much with my son. Some of you other moms know what I mean.

Can anyone offer some solace and/or suggestions to help my son deal with

this upcoming separation?

>>

ROBIN F: Sorry, I don't have any good suggestions - I'm in the same boat

you are, unfortunately. I have two wee ones - Camille is almost 4 and

Liam is

1 1/2+. Both are extremely attached. I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom.

DH isn't really totally involved. He's taken care of them, but he isn't

emotionally

there for them all the time. And, with me for an extended hospital stay....

I

really, really need to know what to do here! I don't have a surgery date

scheduled yet, but I can only imagine their reaction. DH will be taking at

least

a week (if not two or more) off and doesn't mind helping out around the house,

taking care of the kids physically, etc. -- but I don't know how much help he

will

be on the consolation and emotional end of things...

all the best,

initial consult with Dr. Gagner, Mt. Sinai/NYC Nov. 15 -- can't wait!!!

[Guest guest]

Robin -- Even though it has been many years since my kids were young - I think what I would do is prepare a small bag of goodies for your son ... and he gets one for each day that you are gone. Maybe a favorite cookie in a baggie, some crayons and a small coloring book, then in the next bag, a book about visiting friends in a hospital and a letter you wrote to him before he left ... make each bag special -- and that he gets one every day you are gone .. so he will know you are still thinking of him!

good luck!

Judi in Miss

[Guest guest]

Hi Robin, I have two sons and understand how you feel, I have had surgery before and had to leave them, what help them was I told them they could come and see me , if it is possible for him to come see you while your in, sometimes thats the biggest help of all, if they see where your at and know where you are, it gives them a more visual picture, than you just leaving and them not knowing where your at. If that is not possible, maybe you could let him call you everyday and talk to you, ask him to make you a picture or write you a little get well note and send it to the hospital. This gives them a feeling they are helping you get better, and they are a part of it, not just lsft out. I think knowing where you are, even if you can just drive by and show him the hospital, may give him some since of security. These are just a few things that!

helped my sons, maybe thay can help you. My prayers and best wishes are with you.

Denice S.

[Guest guest]

How about showing his dad your post and asking if you can arrange for some

father-son activities in advance and then you and your husband can 'talk

them up' with your son before you go in the hospital. That way he'll have

some positive things to look forward to. Maybe he and his dad could go to a

professional sporting event. It's worth a shot. I'm just thinking that if

you set it up it is more likely to happen. And one way to 'lock it in' is

to buy tickets in advance, make plans for them to go somewhere with friends

with a child his age, make up a calendar for January, highlight the time for

the operation, hospitalization, etc. and write in the planned activities (be

sure to post it low on the refrigerator so he can read it too.)

Of course, this could mean that you'll have less attention at this time, but

that may be a blessing in disguise!

All the best!

Judith in Seattle

Child is upset about this

> Hi folks, I'm getting to be quite the chatterbox lately, huh? Well now

> yesterday I took my son out to dinner and we were having a good time

> when we started talking about future plans, you know, for the holidays

> and so forth, and I brought up the issue of having surgery probably in

> January. I just pretty much reassured him that everything would be fine

> and I would be well taken care of, that my sister/his aunt and some

> other friends would be helping Daddy take care of him while I'm in the

> hospital, and that Daddy was going to take off work for the whole week.

> He asked " but you're coming home at night, aren't you? " And then he

> said he was scared. He's only 7, and really attached. I told him he

> could come and visit after a couple of days and Daddy will do some fun

> things with him. I know my husband, though. He will probably not do

> much with my son. Some of you other moms know what I mean.

>

> Can anyone offer some solace and/or suggestions to help my son deal with

> this upcoming separation?

>

> Robin F

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Robin,

Why don't you tape yourself reading favorite stories and singing

familiar songs and little messages for him to listen to for while you

are gone? And talk to him about calling him at bed time (after the

first few days) Maybe arrange some fun stuff ahead of time (like

tickets to a sports event or ice show) so you spouse would kinda be on

the spot to take him out for the treat. Arrange a sleep over at a

friends house? mail him post cards ahead of time so they will arrive

while you are gone? rent a coupla new cool videos for him to watch in

the evenings and be distracted by while you are away? Take him to the

hospital and give him a tour so he will have a *picture* of where it

is that you are going to and where he will visit you.

My seven year old is a little anxious too, but we have talked about

the up side of me being able to play with her more and how much fun it

will be when mama doesn't hurt most of the time. She is very tuned

into that and sees the payoffs big time, which makes her more willing

to deal with the hard parts.

[Guest guest]

:

Maybe if you approach it from the vantage point of it is an 'opportunity'

for dad to get to know his kids in a different way? Maybe dad can see how

much richer his life will be if he picks up on this opportunity.

Just a thought.

Judith in Seattle

Re: child is upset about this

>

> In a message dated 11/3/00 1:21:05 PM, duodenalswitchegroups writes:

>

> << He asked " but you're coming home at night, aren't you? " And then he

>

> said he was scared. He's only 7, and really attached. I told him he

>

> could come and visit after a couple of days and Daddy will do some fun

>

> things with him. I know my husband, though. He will probably not do

>

> much with my son. Some of you other moms know what I mean.

>

>

> Can anyone offer some solace and/or suggestions to help my son deal with

>

> this upcoming separation?

>

> >>

>

> ROBIN F: Sorry, I don't have any good suggestions - I'm in the same boat

> you are, unfortunately. I have two wee ones - Camille is almost 4 and

> Liam is

> 1 1/2+. Both are extremely attached. I'm a stay at home homeschooling

mom.

>

> DH isn't really totally involved. He's taken care of them, but he isn't

> emotionally

> there for them all the time. And, with me for an extended hospital

stay....

> I

> really, really need to know what to do here! I don't have a surgery

date

> scheduled yet, but I can only imagine their reaction. DH will be taking

at

> least

> a week (if not two or more) off and doesn't mind helping out around the

house,

> taking care of the kids physically, etc. -- but I don't know how much help

he

> will

> be on the consolation and emotional end of things...

>

> all the best,

>

> initial consult with Dr. Gagner, Mt. Sinai/NYC Nov. 15 -- can't wait!!!

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

These are all such great ideas... Thank you all

Robin F