RE: Wills

[Guest guest]

i was just thinking about this today as Tim & I are flying sans enfants

tomorrow -we have arranged with friends that they would be name and

guardians to the girls -but as yet have done nothing about doing a

will...call us slack too...

Tim would think i was mad for worrying about this *just* cos we are

flying -as he keeps telling me its far less risky than driving (but i don't

drive w/out the girls.....)

Subject: Wills

>Okay, call us slack but Grae and I still haven't got around to making a

>will.

>

>

>- what other arrangements people have made and whether they have

>formalised them.

>

[Guest guest]

Angi wrote:

>Tim would think i was mad for worrying about this *just* cos we are

>flying -as he keeps telling me its far less risky than driving (but i don't

>drive w/out the girls.....)

I can appreciate both sides here.

My mum is terrified of flying. Dad took her on a short hop trip to

London from East Mids and lunch down there, train back etc and she was

sick as a dog. But before she went they made wills, she had a long chat

with us all about how everything would be divided and how I was expected

not to throw my bro and sis out of the house (they were both living at

home then) just so I could get my hands on my share! I swear I was

convinced they were going to die! Thought she was absolutely potty at

the time though - just another flight.

OTOH, when I flew without Steffi to NYC this year I almost pulled out of

the trip at the airport. Watching other parents with similar aged

children pulled at my heartstrings and I really missed her and wanted to

take her along. My eyes filled as I got onto the plane and I actually

hoped I'd be sitting next to a child of a similar age - yes really!

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

as far as I understand it you can just name the people you want as guardians on

a signed piece of paper.... doesn't have to be both of you either.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels like this about flying sans enfants -

I don't think I'll relax until I'm back home.

Sue Woollett wrote:

> Angi wrote:

> >Tim would think i was mad for worrying about this *just* cos we are

> >flying -as he keeps telling me its far less risky than driving (but i don't

> >drive w/out the girls.....)

>

[Guest guest]

Sue, make a will before you go. In the absence of any stated preference, the

State will appoint a guardian for Steffi, who may or may not be a family member.

Your parents may be obvious choices to you, but, if the State, for example,

considers them to be too old, they *may* decide to appoint other guardians, and

even have the power to put a child up for adoption. Probably a very rare

scenario, but it exists nonetheless. If Grae doesn't have a will, your stated

preference would be enough. I would avoid signed bits of paper - it's a hell of

a mess to sort out for those left behind. A properly drafted will means that

those dealing with your affairs after your death have a *much* easier task.

Make an appointment to see a probate solicitor soonest.

Alison

Okay, call us slack but Grae and I still haven't got around to making a

will.

My sis asked what would happen if Grae and I both died: Mum and I had a

[Guest guest]

Sue

Get it done...We finally sorted ours out this year after much badgering from my

M & D - have bequeathed DKs to their Godparents - who are now doing upmost to keep

J & I fit & healthy!! If you die intestate the 'courts' may decide whom to

place Steffi with - usually a family member but if your wishes have already

been stated in writing they will be given first consideration.

Caroline

Jersey

> Okay, call us slack but Grae and I still haven't got around to making a<BR>

> will.<BR>

put Steffi with friends if we died. & nbsp; This was<BR>

> before we moved to Nottingham and Steffi got to know her so well. & nbsp; Now

I<BR>

> can't imagine her being anywhere else but with my mum and dad

Germain

[Guest guest]

Sue said.....Okay, call us slack but Grae and I still haven't got around to

making a will...............

and.............- what other arrangements people have made and whether they

have formalised them.

----------

We made a will over 20 yrs ago before DS2 was born, naming my brother and

wife as guardians. We changed it about three or four years ago to make DS1

guardian of the girls, as he was over 21 by then. This time, we also

included our wishes for funeral arrangements as it makes it much easier for

those left behind to not have to make that sort of decision. Can't remember

if we included details of hymns etc, or not!!

I would not have wanted my parents to have my children for a number of

reasons, firstly my mother's parenting ideas are miles away from mine and

secondly because my dad was already nearly 50 when *I* was born.

A friend we have in finance always recommends formalising your arrangements.

Apart from anything else, you wouldn't want the State to get any more of

your hard earned dosh than necessary!

HTH

Lesley

[Guest guest]

Alison I've forwarded your message to my DH, we've not got round to making a

will yet, despite it being our New Year's Resolution two years running!

>Sue, make a will before you go. In the absence of any stated preference,

the State will appoint a guardian for Steffi, who may or may not be a family

member. Your parents may be obvious choices to you, but, if the State, for

example, considers them to be too old, they *may* decide to appoint other

guardians, and even have the power to put a child up for adoption. Probably

a very rare scenario, but it exists nonetheless. If Grae doesn't have a

will, your stated preference would be enough. I would avoid signed bits of

paper - it's a hell of a mess to sort out for those left behind. A properly

drafted will means that those dealing with your affairs after your death

have a *much* easier task.

>

>Make an appointment to see a probate solicitor soonest.

>

>Alison

>

>

> Okay, call us slack but Grae and I still haven't got around to making a

> will.

>

> My sis asked what would happen if Grae and I both died: Mum and I had a

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>We made a will over 20 yrs ago before DS2 was born, naming my brother and

>wife as guardians. We changed it about three or four years ago to make DS1

>guardian of the girls, as he was over 21 by then.

We talk on and off about making a will, but do nothing because we can't come

to a decision about guardians. Our primary concernmis that the boys should

remain together. But how can we ask anybody to take on 4? My parents,

while not terribly old, are not wonderfully sprightly and would not cope

IMO. DH's parents are more active but spend half the year abroad on

holidays, so I would not want to curtail the life they have chosen in

retirement. Our siblings all have children of their own so 4 more would be

quite a burden - also I would hate to put them in the position of not

feeling able to have more of their own because they had suddenly been landed

with ours. We have one childless close friend who has *chosen* to remain

childless - couldn't ask him then. So, what's the answer?

Lynda

SAHM to (7), (5), Fraser (2), Callum (15/5/00)

Newsletter editor, Mid-Northumberland Branch

[Guest guest]

The thing to think about is who will make the *decisions* about your

children after the worst scenario - not necessarily who will look after

them.You cannot possible anticipate every eventuality!

My sister is guardian - and I trust her to find the best solution - which

may not be to have the girls living with her (she is a granny herself!) -

now that my nieces and nephews are reproducing, it migh tbe best for the

girls to live with them....or godparents (friends with children same

age)...etc.

You just need to decide *something* and take it from there, you can change

your mind later...

Barbara

[Guest guest]

We finally made wills last year, when we were both flying off together

for the first time without the brats. The cheapest way was to do

'mirror wills'.

We had some discussion with the solicitor and ended up naming guardians

(ds1 and my brother, as it happens), on the understanding that they

would make decisions that they felt best at the time - not necessarily

raising the remaining minors themselves, but arranging fostering/care if

that was the best answer at the time, taking account of our known

preferences. Presumably that's feasible, Alison?

SAHM - brats aged 22, 18 and 15!

[Guest guest]

Absolutely. The role of a guardian is to take all the decisions relating to a

child's upbringing that a parent would have taken if they were alive. After

all, we could decide to put our children up for foster care if we wanted (and

who actually hasn't given this serious thought at some point or other!). Being

named as a guardian does not automatically mean that the child/ren have to live

with that person. Also you should consider the question of financial provision.

Many people avoid naming someone they would actually like to have their child

because they feel that person would not be able to support an additional

financial burden or would not have room for them in their current house.

However, your will should provide for your child/ren financially and a guardian

is able to decide how any financial provision is used - which can include buying

a larger house to accommodate an increased family.

Alison

We finally made wills last year, when we were both flying off together

for the first time without the brats. The cheapest way was to do

'mirror wills'.

We had some discussion with the solicitor and ended up naming guardians

(ds1 and my brother, as it happens), on the understanding that they

would make decisions that they felt best at the time - not necessarily

raising the remaining minors themselves, but arranging fostering/care if

that was the best answer at the time, taking account of our known

preferences. Presumably that's feasible, Alison?

SAHM - brats aged 22, 18 and 15!

[Guest guest]

We made our wills six years ago when we moved to Woking. They are virtually

the same and list my DS and her hushand as guardians and my DB as executor.

At tyhis my BIL remarks 'Brilliant he gets to look after the money and all

we get is the

kids!'

H

[Guest guest]

>Yes we must get around to doing one, I bought some software to do it but

still haven't done it!!!

>

> Tupman

>Mum to Matt 13, 10, Jonty 1 & Phil 35

>NCT Houseswap Register Coordinator

What do people (esp Alison!) think of DIY wills? I saw some software as

well, but thought no, probably better to do it with a solicitor (and pay the

fees)

[Guest guest]

Not having seen any software, I can't really comment. I have however seen DIY

will kits and wouldn't touch them with a bargepole unless you know what you are

doing. A solicitor who specialises in will drafting will consider so many more

angles than can possibly be contained in any DIY kit - such as tax effective

will making, trusts, etc. - that it just isn't worth spoiling the ship for a

ha'porth of tar. Most wills are not very expensive - ball park figure £50 for a

single will, £75 for mirror wills for married couples for fairly straightforward

situations. Obviously anything more complex (where trusts need to be

established, etc.) would cost more, but would save oodles of dosh for the

executors, as the costs of dealing with a poorly drafted will can be

considerable.

Alison

What do people (esp Alison!) think of DIY wills? I saw some software as

well, but thought no, probably better to do it with a solicitor (and pay the

fees)

[Guest guest]

I understand your position, and it was a concern of ours, too, when we had

three under 13. But we had adequate, simple, cheap, life assurance and

trusts written into the will so that if the worst did happen, there would be

no financial burden to consider. That makes it easier to ask people to act

as guardian, if you know that they could, to take your example, still have

more children of their own, or buy a much larger house, because cost would

not be a factor. And doing nothing risks the children being split up anyway,

because it will be very rare and special people who could foster or adopt

four children.

JMHO.

Lesley

Lynda said...We talk on and off about making a will, but do nothing because

we can't come to a decision about guardians. Our primary concernmis that

the boys should remain together. But how can we ask anybody to take on 4?

[Guest guest]

Alison said....A solicitor who specialises in will drafting will consider so

many more angles than can possibly be contained in any DIY kit - such as tax

effective will making, trusts, etc. - that it just isn't worth spoiling the

ship for a ha'porth of tar. Most wills are not very expensive - ball park

figure £50 for a single will, £75 for mirror wills

---------

or, if you are taking out insurance via a financial consultant you can

sometimes make a will at the same time through them and it may be cheaper or

even free! It is checked out with legal experts, though Alison will likely

say now never trust anyone but a solicitor!

Lesley

[Guest guest]

I would *never* say never trust anyone but a solicitor!! There are too many bad

ones out there and others who, whilst not having the qualification of solicitor,

have as much knowledge and skill as one who does. However, it pays to shop

around. The phrase " legal expert " can be very fluid. What is the point in

studying for many years to specialise in probate law, if you could do far less

and still call yourself a legal expert? I have to say that, bad apples among

them, placing your trust in solicitors is not something to regret. At the end

of the day and in a worst case scenario, you can always sue the pants off them

for doing a bad job!

Alison

or, if you are taking out insurance via a financial consultant you can

sometimes make a will at the same time through them and it may be cheaper or

even free! It is checked out with legal experts, though Alison will likely

say now never trust anyone but a solicitor!

Lesley

[Guest guest]

My in-laws have just made new wills - they were charged £150 per hour by the

solicitor. I'm not sure how complicated it could be to leave your half of

everything to your only son, but that's what they are being charged!

" alison.simmons " wrote:

> Not having seen any software, I can't really comment.

--

See pictures of us all at:

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/AlbumList?u=848605

Password: Wisley

[Guest guest]

Like I said, shop around.

Alison

My in-laws have just made new wills - they were charged £150 per hour by the

solicitor. I'm not sure how complicated it could be to leave your half of

everything to your only son, but that's what they are being charged!

[Guest guest]

wrote:

>My in-laws have just made new wills - they were charged 150 per hour by the

>solicitor. I'm not sure how complicated it could be to leave your half of

>everything to your only son, but that's what they are being charged!

That sounds extortionate! They should have done it through one of those

charity schemes that run every so often where solicitors do it for free

and you are asked to consider making a bequest to a certain charity.

--

Sue

[Guest guest]

>I understand your position, and it was a concern of ours, too, when we had

>three under 13. But we had adequate, simple, cheap, life assurance and

>trusts written into the will so that if the worst did happen, there would

be

>no financial burden to consider. That makes it easier to ask people to act

>as guardian, if you know that they could, to take your example, still have

>more children of their own, or buy a much larger house, because cost would

>not be a factor. And doing nothing risks the children being split up

anyway,

>because it will be very rare and special people who could foster or adopt

>four children.

All sorted now anyway!!!

>Lynda said...We talk on and off about making a will, but do nothing because

>we can't come to a decision about guardians. Our primary concernmis that

>the boys should remain together. But how can we ask anybody to take on 4?

[Guest guest]

> Anyway, it's all sorted now as and I have done an offlist deal!

> Lynda

The wonders of egroups! ;-)

Barbara

[Guest guest]

>I understand your position, and it was a concern of ours, too, when we had

>three under 13. But we had adequate, simple, cheap, life assurance and

>trusts written into the will so that if the worst did happen, there would

be

>no financial burden to consider

It's not financial implications that bother me - like you, we both have good

life insurance - but stress levels and other complications to life that lots

of children bring (already with just 4 children we cannot stay in hotels in

one family room, we need a larger than normal car etc).

Anyway, it's all sorted now as and I have done an offlist deal!

Lynda

SAHM to (7), (5), Fraser (2), Callum (15/5/00)

Newsletter editor, Mid-Northumberland Branch

[Guest guest]

My sister and I were orphaned at 12 & 14. No aunts and uncles, just all 4

grandparents in 2 waring factions! My parents had written wills but not

appointed guardians. Finance was really well organised by the executors who

were also trustees - including a solicitor friend of my dad (but he was a

childless batchelor, so took advice from his secy about what was appropriate

in terms of clothing allowances etc for teenage girls!!!)

The thing I really felt I needed sometimes was an adult who would be pepared

to be on my side against the world - for my own children I want someone who

would be prepared to listen to them and make sure that their voices were

heard and not just on the big decisions. I wouldn't expect them to take the

children to live with them, just to be an advocate for them through what

ever processes the law and social services have to put my children through.

Looking back on it my grandparents did a brilliant job - being thrust back

into parenthood at 70+ and to two lively teenagers at that must have been

very hard, never mind having to cope with being bereaved too. At the time

it wasn't much fun to them living with us, it was the little things that

were the worst, like the way the food tasted different and the different way

of folding socks in pairs etc! My parents' friends who were also our

godparents kept an eye on things, one took on the role of an Aunt and is

still somewhat motherly towards us both even now -ie not afraid to critize a

bit but also ready to offer concern that we are looking after ourselves and

not just being slaves to our DH's and DK's!

The world is a very different place almost 30 years on, and children get a

say in what happens to them these days. I'm not sure that I would have

objected much to any of the arrangements that were made for my care, but it

would have been nice to have been asked what I thought rather than just told

what was going to happen next.

I agree that it's a good idea to get wills made. If they are needed, there

will be enough other things for people to have to deal with without them

having to cope with the hassles of you being intestate as well.

Just a personal 2p's worth - not intended to upset or intmidate anyone.

Liz Goudie

[Guest guest]

Wow, Liz, what a wonderful, sensitive email. Thank you for sharing.

Sue H.

" Liz Goudie (NCT) " wrote:

> My sister and I were orphaned at 12 & 14. No aunts and uncles, just all 4

> grandparents in 2 waring factions! My parents had written wills but not

> appointed guardians.