a lot on my mind

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone:

Here I am awake at 4:30 am, and I've been tossing and turning since

3. So I decided to get up and get online.

What's on my mind? My upcoming plastic surgery. Everything is

coming together quickly, so I'm just kind of overwhelmed by it all.

Yesterday, I had a flashback to my surgery at Kaiser Richmond.

It was a sunny summer morning in June. The yellow daffodils on the

balcony of the surgery area were in glorious bloom. I remember my

Mom trying to smile and look brave as she hugged her baby one last

time before surgery. My Dad looked tired. Zack was stoic, strong

and supportive.

I remember getting into the hospital gown in that freezing surgery

area. I remember asking to get on the scale to see exactly what my

last pre-op weight was. I remember the kind nurse who spoke gently

to me as he inserted the IV while his radio played smooth jazz music

in the background.

I remember how cold my feet were and how I tried to calm myself with

techniques I'd learned from Dr. Gity at the Kaiser SSF drop-in

meetings. And I prayed. Not so much for me because I was sure that

God would be there for me no matter what happened. I was just

concerned at what this was doing to my Mom. I prayed that her heart

could endure the wait while I was having my innards rearranged.

All these memories are coming back as I reflect on what this year has

meant to me. Knowing that I'll be undergoing surgery again has made

this season of renewal particulary poignant. It's like I'm reliving

what I went through last year.

So I continue to look toward nature's beauty to calm and inspire me.

In these last few days, I've looked outside my window to admire the

pinkish white cherry blossoms. I've waited a whole year to see that

tree's rebirth. And I too have experienced a rebirth. The breeze

swirls among the fallen blossoms and creates little tornadoes that

dance a beautiful pas de deux. And I am happy that my spirit can

feel free to dance along.

Gemello

-129 lbs