Re: does anyone have this problem?

December 9, 2000

I just got diagnosed so my husband is still ok. He doesn't really want to

educate himself on this and I think that would make him more understanding.

Once I asked him to read message boards just to get an idea about what we

suffer with. That seemed to help him understand.

December 9, 2000

Hi Carolyn,

Yes, I think they put themselves in a denial position. My husband did up

until about a month ago, I don't know what was said or by whom, but it was

like if I don't accept that my wife will never be the same person again maybe

it will just go away. I couldn't get him to read any articles I came across,

he always seem to have selective hearing when I would read something I had

found to him, that I just quit. This happen about the same time I joined

this group. Then came the weather changes and my condition got progressively

worse, and he got to noticing how painful it was for me to do things, I can't

walk at his speed no more when we go out to the grocery or shopping, nor can

I lay or sit for long periods of time. I have to have help to get into their

trucks because I'm only 5' and with my little short legs, I need a boost to

get up in their vechicles--makes me feel like an old lady at times (I'm 50)

should be in the prime of my life ha!!! I spend half of the night in the

recliner, it doesnt seem to put as much pressure on my spine. I usually go

to bed when he does to snuggle and tuck him in, and then when he is sound

asleep, I will slip out into the recliner. Now he is being a lot more

supportive than he has ever been, I have been diagnosed with chronic

fatigue & FMS for 2 yrs, and it has taken him this long to accept that our

way of life would have to change, and everything has to revolve around my

good days and my bad days. He is also seeing that this is happening to a lot

of people, because now he knows what these conditions are. So don't give up

on him yet. Of course, I hope for your sake that it doesn't take him as long

as it did for my hubby in ALA.

December 9, 2000

Hi Carolyn,

You just describe my husband to the T... During my diagnosis, expensive

test, numerous medications and trips to different doctors: My hubby couldn't

take it and did nothing but complain, gripe,ignored me and my kids, became a

very angry violent man that turned to drinking during the process. I had no

other choice but to leave with me and my kids. He of course is now trying to

understand (two years afterwards when the mental damage is done and me and

the kids reside in a different address of course) I use to have to deal with

his mother as well always making comments " what test/doctor/medications/etc..

are you using " my son's money on now " Oh I could of choked her,ha.. I am not

saying all men because some of the luckier people have the supportive

husbands, but most men can not deal with significant others being sick.. Ok

enough babblling or I can go on all day about mine and his mother.....

Terri

December 9, 2000

My husband is tired of hearing me say I hurt. I was just diganosed about a

year ago, but I have been in pain for many years. I think he feels bad

because he can't help with it. I went to the dr. me and my daughter

yesterday we have broncitis and an ear infection. So I am going to take it

easy this weekend. Thanks for lisening. Pam

>

>Reply-To: egroups

>To: < egroups>

>Subject: does anyone have this problem?

>Date: Fri, 8 Dec 2000 01:10:34 -0800

>

>how many others husbands totally want nothing to do with fm and other

>illnesses and complains when you tried to get testing done that need to be

>done and hubby gets real huffy thinks drs just want money?

>carolyn

>

December 9, 2000

Pam,

My husband is tired of hearing me say I hurt also. He doesn't say

anything, he just gives me that look, so I quit saying anything about my

pain to him at all.

Now he will see me rubbing my shoulder or my hip or lower back and he'll

ask if I'm o.k., but that's as far as it goes. I could really use a

backrub/massage from him, but I won't be the one asking for it. If he can't

offer it on his own, I don't want it. (Sound familiar?)

Debbie G.

does anyone have this problem?

> >Date: Fri, 8 Dec 2000 01:10:34 -0800

> >

> >how many others husbands totally want nothing to do with fm and other

> >illnesses and complains when you tried to get testing done that need to

be

> >done and hubby gets real huffy thinks drs just want money?

> >carolyn

> >

December 9, 2000