Re: good, bad, ugly & indifferent

August 13, 2003

Rose,

Theresa and Sam owe you for the phone bills. Isn't Sam 16 or 17? A job a Mcs isn't out of the question. You may have to foot the bill upfront- and they may be making payments to you for a very long time. You are right, you have been screwed. Even your granddaughter, whom you have taken underwing, needs to accept the responsibility for her behavior. Depression is not an excuse for abusing privilidges. Even if you have her pay back a portion-- she will learn a valuable lesson. If you let it slide, because you don't want confrontation-- this cycle will continue- as it already has, Daughter playing Mom, Granddaughter playing Mom and Grandma. You are the one that has the ability to stop this generational bullshit from happening to the next generation of great-grandkids. And that my friend, is a gift to everyone.

Rose, I am saying this to you, bluntly, directly- as you knew I would-- but I am also saying it to myself. There are things in my life that I have to stop now-- or be willing to pay the emotional price of watching the pattern repeat itself in my family.

I can see the anger and frustration in your posts-- you always pick people up, dust them off, and can find a way to laugh at the situation. I know for me, when I'm laughing at a painful situation, I'm hiding from the pain. (Damn, I hate these kinds of reflections.)

Lady, you know what you need to do. I hope you've taken the cell phone away, and have made it so that no long distance calls can be made from your home-- let the family get prepaid cards for their use. It is actually a very good way to stop this from continuing, and you will still have a phone.

Hon, take care of yourself.

Tracie

August 13, 2003

I must agree with Tracie here. My mother helped me out a lot growing up pay off things, but I had jobs and she had an envelope in her dresser. When I got paid I would put cash in the envelope and cross out the amount owed...believe me, it took years, but she got back every penny.....do not let your child get away like that.....

August 14, 2003

What is this tax hit, sweetie? You speak of running up phone bills. I

know how hard it is to play the heavy with your children, but you are

doing them no favors. As long as you allow them to continue to get

away with these things they have no reason to be responsible for

their actions. My oldest son ,at age 16, had taken our car

without permission twice. We warned him that this would not be

allowed to continue. If he stole our car again he would suffer the

consequences. When he took the care again, I telephoned the police

dept. and reported it as a stolen car. He was caught by the police

later that night and taken to jail. He called contrite swearing it

would never happen again. I told him when his courtdate was scheduled

we would lend him the money for bail, but he would have to repay us

when he was released. He went through it all. We refused to pay for

an attorney, told him that he was responsible for it. So he went

through the whole thing, court hearing, sentencing. He received 2

years probation and a fine of $500 to the courts plus the cost of his

probation. Some people think we were mean and bad parents, but he

never tried anything like that again. He respects other peoples

property and while it took him quite awhile to get over his

parents " narcking " on him, he finally accepted it and today is glad

it happened. Its all part of growing up. Wouldnt it be better for her

to have to repay $2000 now and learn what consequenses are then to be

sent to prison for felony theft/grand larceny when she does it to

someone else. This is what the criminal charges would be when she

does it again and this time someone doesnt turn a blind eye.

It may not help you much right now, but you would receive the money

eventually and she would learn that there are consequences for her

actions before her actions land her in prison.

Good luck, dear friend. I wish there was something I could say or do

that would help.

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Shar

> Well, I have dug myself into a deep, deep hole financially. I

can't sell my house because I don't have enough equity. It won't pay

me to refinance. I have a serious cash flow problem right now, so my

only option is to dip into some of my retirement funds. I guess I

should be grateful that I have retirement money to use, but the tax

hit is so huge it makes me sick. Most of this is my own fault for

just sticking my head in the sand for a year & ignoring my bank

account. But the part that hurts is that my daughter has run up at

least $2000 in cell phone & regular phone charges, without telling

me, so that was coming out of my checking account. Sam has also run

up at least $350 in long distance charges in the past 4 months; I

don't have the heart to go back further than that. My realtor friend

who gave me the bad news about the house thinks I should take Theresa

to court if she doesn't start paying back the phone bills. I just

can't do that. But I think that is one reason she is avoiding me.

Why do your kids sucker you out of money, when you have done

everything you can to help them? I'm sick about it. Sam knows that

she did wrong and she has been working like crazy today, weeding,

etc. But that doesn't put money in the bank, or fix my credit.

Well, I just thank God that I do have some money to use, and between

my hospital pension, social security (if it lasts!), I don't think

I'll be on the street. I sure don't want my daughters to have to

take me in; they've both screwed me over big time on phone bills; I

doubt I could resist reminding them & then the ugly part would begin!

August 14, 2003

Rose,

Before you take that money out of your retirement, check into

borrowing against it. You do not have the tax hit on it plus the

money is still in there. Can explain it better if you decide to go

that route. Believe me, through all this mess we have had to explore

every avenue also. Give me a call when you want to get together.

Elodia -

-- In Neurosarcoidosis , " Rose " <mamadog@i...>

wrote:

> Howdy, boys & girls! (that was the good part).

>