Re: Eating Disorder or Diet?

July 12, 2003

I have found that I eat more comfort food because of being bored, more than from the medicines. For me, I was actually losing weight once I cut back on my Effexor XR. I went down about 20 pounds, but my depression and pain started increasing so I had to go back up from 75mg daily to 225mg daily and gained back 30 pounds. I did notice that it was in direct correlation to the Effexor.

Another thing that I have noticed is that I have very little sense of taste and smell, so naturally I want food that has alot of sugar and salt since these increase our normal reaction to taste--stimulate is the word I'm looking for.

I also find that when I'm sitting around home, nothing going on but bad daytime tv, I will munch.

i have alot of stuff I want to say about this, but honestly my brain is not working right now and I can't seem to get focused. So, I think I'll feed myself a bowl of Cheerios and take a nap.

Tracie

July 12, 2003

:::::raising hand:::::

That's me to a tee. And I'll tell you why I know.

Almost 17 years ago I had my son. It was a terrible pregnancy, I had a horrible doctor (sound familiar?) I was in my early 20's, alone... except super hubby... I had no friends, no women around me at all, my family was in Iowa... I was in Texas. I didn't know that I was getting bad care (I know it's a theme in my life), but this is different than the alien. I was DYING. I was "allergic" to being pregnant, I threw up every single thing I ate for 8 months.. I mean EVERYTHING... and yet I put on 100 lbs. I still don't understand how that happened, but my body just did not want to be preggers. I threw up 24 hours a day, every day until a little over my 8 month mark.

Hubby lost his job and we moved back to Iowa with REALLY GOOD care, he said I was a mess. After the delivery, which was extremely bad. The doctor told my mom that they would try to save the baby if they could, but I was not going to make it. Ok... now to my point. LOL

That weight didn't really bother me cause I was always a good sized girl, I knew it would come off. But then (play dramatic music here) I started a 15 year bout with depression. I didn't know I was depressed, I thought it was normal to not leave my house for 2 years straight. I didn't see my family, I didn't go outside, I slept. I ate. Needless to say, my initial weight loss of about 50 lbs came back on, then over the years I ate. I stayed home with my son. And I slept and ate. That was my life.

After 2 years living out in the boonies, we bought our first house and I felt a little lift in spirit and that was the first time I kinda realized I was depressed. But if you suffer from depression, you know you can just slip back into easily and not notice it.

4 years later (in the same little house) I had started walking 2 miles a day, doing a workout video and not going over 1200 calories. I made it a contest to see how little I could eat each day. I lost a fair amount of weight.... but this is the kicker... and I'll never forget it. One day Hubby and I had a knock down drag out fight and I was so pissed and I remember walking over to the counter and opening a cake pan to get out some brownies and I literally thought in my head "This will show him!" I stopped in my tracks. I realized right then and there that all my problems, fights, stress, I would turn to food automatically. That was the first time I realized that I ate because of problems not hunger.

ZOOOOOOOM to 18 months ago when I found out I was diabetic. Still a lardass. I have lost 100 lbs. Still have a lot to go, but I was just talking to hubby about this. I am so stressed out that I have found that I am eating when I am not even hungry again. It's a coping mechanism. Bring on the food, I'll numb the pain. It's just been happening in the last couple of weeks.

So.... yes I am an emotional eater. Which makes me depressed. Which makes me want to eat to ease the pain. Then I gain weight and it cycles over and over again. Having a chronic illness just adds so much to your "plate", so to speak. I'll have days where I can cope and days where I just can't (more of those days) I'm stuck in this house, I have no life, I hurt, I'm depressed, I am a teeeeny bit obsessive (my own dx LOL), I am in debt, we can't sell that stupid house, the neuro dismissed me, my life is really a mess (stuff that I won't go into now).... food is the one "medicine" that numbs everything inside. Making everything go away, if only for a few minutes.

But I know ultimately I will pay for it. I can NOT allow myself to go to the Bakery with Quint *wink* I have to pay attention to my inner struggles, try to work them out, and not eat my way through it. Of course, that is easier said than done.

They don't call me a cow for no reason *wink*

Crystal

____________________________________________________ IncrediMail - Email has finally evolved - Click Here

July 12, 2003

Oh Crystal,

I wish we lived closer, so you could go out with me, I love to shop, I don't have to buy something I just like to look. That's about the extent of my walking but at least I'm out and I walk. And it's so great the mall has a diary queen, I'm a sucker for those blizzards. what can I say.

I wish I could help you, we need friends around us, someone we can talk to. This group has been a great comfort for me, but would be so nice if we could all get together and "DO LUNCH". Know I am always here for you Crystal, whatever you need. this of course goes for all. My email is mbramer@... if anyone needs it.

Sometimes I find that when I want to eat, especially an ice cream cone, we have Schwans here, and they have the best frozen ones, anyway, instead of eating it, as I have not yet figured out how to type and eat, that I choose to check out my messages and type instead of eat, then I'm too tired and go to bed or take a nap. (I do however choose the ice cream cone at times??)

It seems to me that ice cream is a biggie for us. I like it because it's one thing that takes away the metal taste in mouth for awhile.

anyway, I am here, let me know what I can do to help????

Love you,

Praise him daily,

Marla