Re: Goodnight every body.

[Guest guest]

Barb,

Very well said. I, too, have been feeling the pain of many on the list these

last few days. All we can do is offer our prayers and hope for the best

outcome for all.

goodnite,

& Chrissie

[Guest guest]

God Bless you Barb,

Thank you for all you said.

Much love, Donna Maggard

[Guest guest]

Barbara:

I cannot tell you how much you note has helped me. I am printing it out

and will read it over whenever I feel depressed. Today, Ken seems a little

bit better: Maybe we will buy a little more time by treating one more UTI

aggressively. We'll see; I had to try it. Maybe next time I won't think it is

worth it. Once again, we'll see. it is a kind of lonely trip. Everyone says

the decisions are mine, and that I'll know what to do. It feels as if they

are passing the buck, and it is stopping right here. What I want is to be

able to always know I have done what Ken would want, and I think I am, but he

can't tell me anymore. All I do know is that I have been the closest person

to him through 49 years of marriage and 5 years of courtship, and I do know

better than anyone else how he must feel and what he wants.

Thank-you all for your caring concern

Barbara

.

[Guest guest]

Dear Barbara

I'm so sorry that Ken hasn't been doing well the last few weeks. I don't

know exactly how you feel but can try and put myself in your shoes and say

Ken knows how much you've done for him and how much you care for him even

tho' he can't communicate it any more.

Barbara you've been so strong for him and do know what's best for him as you

have over your 54 years together that noone can doubt that you'll do what he

wants. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Re: Goodnight every body.

> Barbara:

> I cannot tell you how much you note has helped me. I am printing it

out

> and will read it over whenever I feel depressed. Today, Ken seems a little

> bit better: Maybe we will buy a little more time by treating one more UTI

> aggressively. We'll see; I had to try it. Maybe next time I won't think it

is

> worth it. Once again, we'll see. it is a kind of lonely trip. Everyone

says

> the decisions are mine, and that I'll know what to do. It feels as if they

> are passing the buck, and it is stopping right here. What I want is to be

> able to always know I have done what Ken would want, and I think I am, but

he

> can't tell me anymore. All I do know is that I have been the closest

person

> to him through 49 years of marriage and 5 years of courtship, and I do

know

> better than anyone else how he must feel and what he wants.

> Thank-you all for your caring concern

> Barbara

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

Barbara, I am glad that Ken is doing a bit better. There is no use handling

decisions except the way you do -- just deal with them as you face them. You

will always make the right choice. Debbie

Debbie White

dwhite@...

> Re: Goodnight every body.

>

>

> Barbara:

> I cannot tell you how much you note has helped me. I am

> printing it out

> and will read it over whenever I feel depressed. Today, Ken seems

> a little

> bit better: Maybe we will buy a little more time by treating one more UTI

> aggressively. We'll see; I had to try it. Maybe next time I won't

> think it is

> worth it. Once again, we'll see. it is a kind of lonely trip.

> Everyone says

> the decisions are mine, and that I'll know what to do. It feels

> as if they

> are passing the buck, and it is stopping right here. What I want is to be

> able to always know I have done what Ken would want, and I think

> I am, but he

> can't tell me anymore. All I do know is that I have been the

> closest person

> to him through 49 years of marriage and 5 years of courtship, and

> I do know

> better than anyone else how he must feel and what he wants.

> Thank-you all for your caring concern

> Barbara

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

Thanks for standing with us . Your sharing is of so much comfort always.

Terri ( 's mouth piece this week)

[Guest guest]

Barbara, your letters offer so much encouragement. You help us to see that,

with all its problems, life still has a " lotta good things " out there.

Thank you a million times for all you share with the group and the notes you

sent me as well when I was so depressed about Dad and had questions about

the doctors Ralph had seen too. All I can say is Ralph was fortunate to

have you as part of his life.

Glad it's finally raining in Texas. Wonderful sleeping weather!

Love,

Donna Waggoner

[Guest guest]

Dear Barb -

Thank you for the lovely message; so much truth and so much caring, so much

wisdom and so much hope. We can all identify with most of what you say and

thank you, especially, for keeping us in your prayers. I wish you were in our

area - you would make a terrific friend. Thanks again - Elaine Grimmesey (wife

of Bob, MSA)

>>> Barbara Selleck 10/20/00 10:25PM >>>

I have been reading notes all day from various folks. Now I am going to

bed and get some sleep. I hope each and everyone of you who is hurting

can get some rest and courage for the new day.

As one who has been through much of what you are now facing, I want to

say this. Keep your chin up and your head high so you can be sure of the

path you are to follow. No one can do it for you, but we can pray for

you to get the strength and wisdom you need, and the rest you need for

each day. Each day is a challenge. Some good and some awful. Learn with

each one. When one hurts along the line we all hurt. You are not

forgotten, though sometimes you may feel alone. Terror and fear in the

night can do strange things to caregivers and patients. Frustration and

confusion makes us all alike.

No one seems to have an answer for what has or is coming.

Everyone gets weary. Everyone gets frightened. Everyone wonders what

comes next.

The companionship and love that comes along these lines can be a God

sent gift. Keep in touch. Someone may have a different way of doing

something or an insight into a different way of thinking and reasoning

out a problem.

I do not have any real answers except through my own experience with

Ralph. We made it through a lot of awful things and he was a fighter all

along the way. I am proud to say, I am sure I did what was best for all

of our family in the care we gave him. That is about all the comfort

there can be when you do not have the answers. You do what is best for

you, as you may not think your doctors know as much as you do. That

could be so, but we taught our doctors as we learned. They were and are

all good men who tried the best they could with a wicked illness that

had no meaning nor an end. I find no fault in any of them. They were as

frustrated as we were.

This may be of little comfort to anyone, but I know the Lord got us

through the past 51 years and He never gave up on us. He has taken Ralph

home to be with Him but I can still depend upon Him as I get my new

life together. Living with no regrets can be a blessing.

Sure I wish it had been different. But it wasn't. The past six months

were awful. But there were good times in there too.

Enjoy each new day. Even though you may have been up all night mopping

or changing beds. I did that too, many nights. Sometimes I felt like

laying down on the floor and screaming. There were times when I felt

like running away but then who would do my job of caring for Ralph? I

promised to be a part of his life for better or for worst. Good times

and bad. I made it, you can too. But the main ingredient is rest. There

is a tendency to do strange things if the mind and heart cannot get

rest. Serious mistakes can be made. Injury can be done. Unretractable

words can be said.

Enough of this. I have just been wondering about all of you all day.

Tonight I am putting all of you on the prayer list.

Much love to all from a cool and very wet Texas.

Barb

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