Re: appropriate gift for a man just home from colon cancer surgery

July 13, 2003

For me a beautiful flower arrangement says it all.

Regards

> Somehow a plant or a fruit basket doesn't seem appropriate, but I

> haven't found recommendations for practical, comforting gifts. The

> person is an acquaintance, so I don't know specifics about

> prognosis, treatment beyond the surgery and follow-up chemo,

> spiritual beliefs, etc. If a caregiver or cancer survivor has

ideas

> for gifts that are truly helpful to a person facing such a profound

> life crisis, I would appreciate your suggestions.

>

> Some of the inspirational books I've seen seem a bit too " put on a

> happy face " to me. I guess I'm looking for ways to acknowledge the

> gravity of the situation while communicating hope and support. I'm

> not a good cook, but am wondering if I could put together a basket

> that includes a variety of things such as healthy snacks I could

> purchase (I've seen essiac tea mentioned, want to exclude anything

> that might cause digestive problems or immune response problems

> during chemo), books, cds, practical aids that are useful in

> chemotherapy, etc. as well as items for the primary caregiver.

Thank

> you very much.

July 14, 2003

My mom couldn't stand to watch the flowers die - she seemed to

personalize their life and death. Books are so personal, the good

ones hit the mark but most were tossed out. However, some friends

gave her living gardens - small arrangements of plants. She seemed

inspired by them.

But overall she most appreciated a kind card with concern, no soupy

sentimental words of pity or stories of distant friends who have had

cancer; a simple card without expection of a return call or thank

you. It seems that many of her friends, family, and acquaintances

wanted more to give advice or have their fears allayed rather than

to listen or let the woman heal. Give the gift of an ear to listen

and don't be offended if its not taken. Give them time to heal and

don't be offended if your not thanked.

PS consider the caregiver as well. Not to complain - ok I'm

complaining -but so many caring friends want hours of my time for

them to give their advice on how to help Mom or to have their fears

calmed.They gotten the message that she's too ill to respond so I'm

the stand in. I don't have time, my time is spent helping my mom and

I'm pooped.

Beth