wondering...

[Guest guest]

Surprize, its the weekend again. I am so dreading being alive every

morning. I wake up and wish that I could just go back to sleep and

never wake up.

I think I hate me. Well seems like everyone twists everything I say.

What is it about me thats so darn irritating that noone outside of

this list ever talks to me. I get misquoted. People say that they

heard from someone elce that I said something that I didnt say.

Noone will tell me whats bothering them, no they need to have

someone elce say it for them. Do people think im going to murder

them if they talk to me? What am I a psycotic deranged maniac? Im

just a regular person with feelings like everyone elce. All I want

is a friend who will actualy make the effort to keep in touch/ Why

do I have to do all the work. I am constantly trying to keep in

touch with people who I would like to think of as my friends. But

they NEVER respond. This list is like the only place I feel like I

have a friend or two. This list is the only thing that keeps me from

wanting to die sometimes. What is wrong with this world? Noone has

time for anything or anyone any more. Its like I just will never

belong in this crazy life. I dont know what to do to be a friend.

Obviously im doing something very wrong.

I just wish noone would quote me. Dont say I said something about

someone elce. Dont rephrase what I say. Just cause I want to take my

hearing aids off for a few hours (cause my ears are draining) dosnt

mean I am ignoring you! I stand by what I say, I take responsibility

for what I say, just PLEASE dont listen to what others say about me.

Judge me by what YOU have seen of me, NOT what others say about me.

Otherwise i might as well just lock myself in my room away from the

world.

Chantelle