{{{Peggy}}} from Terri

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{{{Peggy}}}

I've been where you are my daughter is 19. She says things that as

you said " cut right thru Me "

I cry alone, sleep is only 4-6 hrs a night for years it seems like.

Your legs..check with your doctor about PAD...periferal artery

disease.

My doc. says I have a low grade case so far @ 48 years young but I

did drop the cigarettes from 2 packs a day to like 4 individual

smokes daily. But, I'd hit the person who tried to take them from me

(laughs) but I mean it!!!!

Wish I could say I'm getting more exercise but I'd be full of S***

Hugs

Terri

Peggy wrote:

Hubby has been gone alot, working overtime, which we despratly need

to pay bills. Makes it hard on me with Zack. He has so much energy

and I can't keep up with him. DD is working full time and doesn't get

home till 3 and even though she swore she'd help she doesn't. She is

tired and has her boyfriend and they are constantly together. I know

she is only 17. I asked her before school ended if I needed to get

someone to help me in the summer and she got mad at me and told me it

was a stupid ?, that shw was getting a job where she got out early so

she could help me. I should have known better. Her and I are

fighting, again. She resents me and the fact that I am sick. I resent

the fact that I am sick.

She screamed at me last night that she is 17 yrs old and she wants to

live her life and just because my life didn't turn out the way I

wanted it to that I'm trying to ruin her life. Cut to the bone. She

really knows how to hurt me, kick me when I'm already down. Monday

night when I flipped the 1st time, hubby was at work and I went into

the garage to cry, scream, sob. I was out there for 2 hours. She was

in here with Zack and her boyfriend. She never once came out to see

if I was alright. She thinks I am being overdramatic, actually said

that to my face.

I have an appt. with a psychiatrist but can't get in until Aug. 15th.

I pray that I can make it that long. I saw my reg. dr. today and he

is taking me off of Celexa and putting me on Zoloft. Told me I could

up my Xanax to 4 if I needed to. Well, yesterday I needed to and it

still didn't help. He's hoping the psychiatrist can help me more

there. Me too!!

I also asked him about my neck and back. He told me to not bend alot,

lift anything heavy, make sure I try to remember to use proper

psture, put pillows behing my back when sitting, the usual. As for

the neck he said to do stretching exercises and to not turn my neck

too far. He suggested P/T. I'm still waitng for that referrel.

I have what I thought could be a rash on both of my legs at the

bottom by my ankles that goes about halfway up my calves. It doesn't

itch, it isn't raised and it only hurts sometimes, like when the

covers touch it at certain times. I asked him what he thought it was.

Last time I was there he thought it was bruising or a rash but at

that time it was only on my right leg. Now that its on both he says

its blood vessels in my legs. What the heck is that? What do you do

for that? He told me to put my legs up as often as possible. LOL,

you've got to be kidding me right? I noticed it gets worse and

spreads and gets redder when I stand for long periods of tiem. It

looks awful, like I have the mange or something.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take, any of it. I'm on

all this medicine that is supposed to help me and it isn't. I go to

therepy and it doesn't help, it's like everyone around me forgets

that I'm sick and need to rest. My own daughter hates me because I'm

sick and now she thinks I'm trying to ruin her life. I'd rather not

feel any pain at all. Is it all worth the effort? Sometimes I wonder,

lately I wonder alot.