New to all of this and so very very scared and confused!

July 23, 2003

Thank you and Bless each and every one of you for sharing with me

today. My apologies to those to whom I sent an e-mail directly...I

thought I was posting a reply. I'm really new to all of this, not

just the cancer diagnosis. Finally figured it out on the third

response that I was actually e-mailing individuals rather than

posting my sincere thanks to all. I do believe I've come to the

right place...I realize that I am not alone and yet, still feel that

way. Thanks for not making me feel guilty for crying and for those

of you who advised not to dwell on it, you are absolutely right.

Focus, learn, and try to turn the tides. Knowledge is power and I

plan on doing just that although I don't know exactly where to begin,

but I think this place is a good starting point. Also, I have found

an arena for me to be me...even on a not so good day. I have an

update as we got back from the post op. Hubby is going to oncologist

tomorrow (the sooner, the better I say). I have many questions for

him, let's hope I remember them all. Anyway, here's the update. I

still don't know the staging...forgot to ask, but the tumor was 4 x 2

1/2 centimeters located where the small intestine meets the colon.

It had worked it's way all the way up to the dyaphram area. Seven

nodes were removed, four of which were positive. Cat scan taken in

hospital came back clean so it's no where else and pray god, it

doesn't go anywhere else. The surgeon repeatedly said, and I quote

here, " I honestly think that you will be all right. " Wonderful words

for me to hear, but....... My husband's, who's name by the way is

Bert, attitude is, and I quote again, " Well, you got the worst of it,

now let's zap the rest if there's any left elsewhere to zap. " But

then again, that's so typical of him. Having just recently gone

through all this with my mom, you'd think I'd know better as to what

to ask but in all honesty, this is so different. Despite all the

pain in my heart and soul when she was diagnosed, I had " it " together

then. " It " must have gone somewhere and I can't get " it " back. I

pray " it " comes back. As we left, it hit me that no one has

mentioned a PET Scan or Infusion. I strongly feel that this should

be done and will suggest it with the oncologist, if he doesn't bring

it up...or maybe I'm jumping the gun. I just don't know. Anyway,

again my utmost thanks and gratitude for all your words of wisdom,

comfort, caring, and advise. It is not falling on deaf ears and will

be remembered. I'll be posting as things go along or just to post

because I need to express how I feel in an environment that is

compassionate, understanding, and wise. God Bless and kee you all!

Monika

July 23, 2003

Hello Monika,

You have come to the right place to learn, to vent, to participate

and to share. There are some very knowledgeable people on this

board...and also some very compassionate ones who know so well what

you are going through now. Please keep posting and let us know how

Bert is doing. It is wonderful that your doctor seems so optimistic!

I know what a shock it is, especially when your husband was so

vigilant about this health. Together we will all fight this disease

and as you know, there are so many new advances happening all the

time. This is what is now keeping me going. Give your husband lots

of love and support and remember to take extra good care of yourself

too! Take as many breaks away from the thought of cancer as you can.

Life can still be good and meaningful for you and your family!

Make that thought rather than stress and worry your priority.

Best wishes,

Kit

July 23, 2003