Re: TO Lou:

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your kind words an taking the time. I think I am just

frustrated with not knowing what I have and no one finding out. I am

afraid it will be to late when they do. Life is just hard right now

all the way around, some tears to shed and I will be fine its just

another day and the sun will come out tomorrow, I know that and I

know my guardian angel is right here with me so I will manage but it

sure does make it easier to know you all are here because where would

I turn to otherwise? Because as you say who really understands any

of this but the ones who live it!

Sandie

>

> Sandie, I am going through the same thing you are going through

right

> now as far as your inner feelings. I am not job searching but wish

I

> could.

>

> I totally understand you and hope you can, like me, try hard to

just

> let yourself become more of a part of this wonderful group. If you

> don't need that job, you need us for sure. We love you so much and

> want you to be well like all of us would like.

>

> Yesterday I went to the pharmacy across the street, (had to drive)

> and even though it is close, I had to drive cause I couldn't walk

> that far. As I pulled in our parking lot, I realized that this

> dreadful disease had really got a grip on me that I don't like. We

> all don't like it either. No one really understands, do they? I

> mean like family? They try to understand but don't, plain and

simple.

>

> When my hubby went to work this morning, I did not feel well at

all.

> I thought I was going to go into a panic attack and couldn't

> breathe. When he said good bye and shut the door, I thought I

would

> never see him again. Fear overcame me and I couldn't move. That

> hasn't happened to me in over 30 years. I used to have agoraphobia

> 30 years ago after my first hubby left me. It was horrid and I

just

> wanted to die. The feeling that my life is now over is the feeling

I

> had this morning. I can't control it, it is controlling me no

matter

> how sane I stay and how much I pray. Can't get used to it and

don't

> want to get used to it either. I hate it with every breath I

> breathe. The antibiotic the pulmo gave me yesterday and the

codiene

> med has really helped my congestion, that much I can say, but WHO

AM

> I? I don't know who I am because the drugs I am taking is like

being

> someone else. What gives with this life?

> Lou

>