Guest guest Posted March 20, 2002 Report Share Posted March 20, 2002 > The part I have figured out is that I believe my DH has a > problem.....it's a legit thing too....COMPUTER ADDICTION. Lori, I wish I could give you a magic solution. Does your DH agree that he has a problem? If so, perhaps the two of you would be best served by seeking out some competent marriage counseling... ask around and see if there's anyone who's highly recommended in your area. I would hope that he would value his marriage enough to want to work on improving it. I will pray for you, and I am here to listen if you need it. -Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, baybbreeze23@... writes: > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great dad when he's not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work and goes straight to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when the cable modem is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating but I'm like at LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before you hit the puter!! *~Joy~* Lap RNY @ 491lbs 2/26/01 Dr. Bertha town Memorial Hospital Mommy to: 1-9-99 & Saralyn 12-15-99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 In a message dated 3/21/2002 11:04:24 AM Eastern Standard Time, baybbreeze23@... writes: > He always says we can go somewhere, he's just not going > with us. When he does go with us after I beg him to....he just pouts > the whole time cause he wants to play with his puter.....cause we're > no fun. What fun is that? I wish he would grow up! > > What am I going to do with a toddler and a newborn with a husband > like this? > I'm ROFL'ing Lori b/c this IS my life and as for the toddler and newborn.. ya just do!! I've BTDT mine are 11 months and 6 days apart and you just do it b/c its what you do!! I hate the I'd rather stay home and work when I come home and find out he's been on AOL for 99 out of the 100 mins we were gone and NOTHING was done! *~Joy~* Lap RNY @ 491lbs 2/26/01 Dr. Bertha town Memorial Hospital Mommy to: 1-9-99 & Saralyn 12-15-99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 In a message dated 3/21/2002 1:28:06 PM Eastern Standard Time, baybbreeze23@... writes: > I'm doing a lot of relating of his age and his maturity level to his > actions....he's 24 with the maturity level of a 17 year old girl > which explains his selfishness and his inability to relate on an > adult level. I'm 27 and feel 70! Well.. My DH will be 46 on 4/15 so he's old enough to know better but I'm relating it to a midlife crisis LOL. I'm 26 and feel 70 so I KWYM! *~Joy~* Lap RNY @ 491lbs 2/26/01 Dr. Bertha town Memorial Hospital Mommy to: 1-9-99 & Saralyn 12-15-99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 He actually laughed about the idea I presented to him about being addicted to the computer. He said I was trying to control him. " It's always want you want! " He did say that he was trying to be more supportive.....like making sure he keeps Warren (our 15 month old) out of my hair while I cook dinner, he eats dinner with us and not half way across the room as he sits at his computer, he gives Warren a bath after dinner while I clean up the kitchen and then we spend a bit of time together til Warren goes to bed. THEN....he gets on his computer and sets a timer for 2 hours. So approxiamately around 10:30pm he crawls into bed with me. It sounds easy and all, but the whole time he says he's " spending time with us " ..... he's yearning for his computer and laying all over the floor like a slug. He doesn't interact with us at all. He actually said " You guys are no fun. " Computer was down for two weeks or so and he spent all his time with us...why? " Cause I had nothing better to do. " " Now the computer works and I have better things to do " . Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. Lori~ > > The part I have figured out is that I believe my DH has a > > problem.....it's a legit thing too....COMPUTER ADDICTION. > > Lori, > > I wish I could give you a magic solution. Does your DH agree that he > has a problem? If so, perhaps the two of you would be best served by > seeking out some competent marriage counseling... ask around and see > if there's anyone who's highly recommended in your area. I would hope > that he would value his marriage enough to want to work on improving it. > > I will pray for you, and I am here to listen if you need it. > > -Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 I guess we're in the same boat. :-) Just wish he wouldn't make our lives miserable just so he can have computer time. He expects to be able to play on his computer all weekend long since he doesn't have to work.....what about us? What about taking Warren outside to play? Why must we sit at home til he's tired of playing video games and then we all get to go somewhere? He always says we can go somewhere, he's just not going with us. When he does go with us after I beg him to....he just pouts the whole time cause he wants to play with his puter.....cause we're no fun. What fun is that? I wish he would grow up! What am I going to do with a toddler and a newborn with a husband like this? Lori~ > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great dad when he's > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work and goes straight > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when the cable modem > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating but I'm like at > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before you hit the > puter!! > > *~Joy~* > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > 2/26/01 > Dr. Bertha > town Memorial Hospital > Mommy to: > > 1-9-99 > & > Saralyn > 12-15-99 > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 Lori, You know what you need to do. His ass needs a wake up call. Kick him to the curb! Shirley Re: Slightly off topic... I guess we're in the same boat. :-) Just wish he wouldn't make our lives miserable just so he can have computer time. He expects to be able to play on his computer all weekend long since he doesn't have to work.....what about us? What about taking Warren outside to play? Why must we sit at home til he's tired of playing video games and then we all get to go somewhere? He always says we can go somewhere, he's just not going with us. When he does go with us after I beg him to....he just pouts the whole time cause he wants to play with his puter.....cause we're no fun. What fun is that? I wish he would grow up! What am I going to do with a toddler and a newborn with a husband like this? Lori~ > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great dad when he's > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work and goes straight > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when the cable modem > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating but I'm like at > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before you hit the > puter!! > > *~Joy~* > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > 2/26/01 > Dr. Bertha > town Memorial Hospital > Mommy to: > > 1-9-99 > & > Saralyn > 12-15-99 > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 Mines the same way, Canadian men are no better with this. Mine plays his stupid games every free second hes got. Until last night when I happened to intercept a message on ICQ from a girl hes been talking to. I put a stop to that. He no longer has internet access. No more games and no more girls. Wrks for me. Janis edd sept 21 Re: Slightly off topic... > I guess we're in the same boat. :-) > > Just wish he wouldn't make our lives miserable just so he can have > computer time. He expects to be able to play on his computer all > weekend long since he doesn't have to work.....what about us? What > about taking Warren outside to play? Why must we sit at home til > he's tired of playing video games and then we all get to go > somewhere? He always says we can go somewhere, he's just not going > with us. When he does go with us after I beg him to....he just pouts > the whole time cause he wants to play with his puter.....cause we're > no fun. What fun is that? I wish he would grow up! > > What am I going to do with a toddler and a newborn with a husband > like this? > > Lori~ > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great dad > when he's > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work and > goes straight > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when the > cable modem > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating but I'm > like at > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before you > hit the > > puter!! > > > > *~Joy~* > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > 2/26/01 > > Dr. Bertha > > town Memorial Hospital > > Mommy to: > > > > 1-9-99 > > & > > Saralyn > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 I tried kicking him to the curb, but he won't go.....I even threatened to take his computer to his mother's house and he can live with her forever, because I'm tired of him and his messy ways. His mommy is just so proud of him, but she doesn't know the real truth on how he is with us. I talked to his 22 year old sister about this (mainly cause she seems so much more mature than he) and she says just do something else and not worry about him any longer. That's easy for her to say....when she comes over and he ignores her cause he's too busy with his game then she can leave whenever. I just can't get up and walk the hell out like that. I do have to say he has chnaged his computer ways compared to say two months ago....about 70% better. Just need to work on that other 30%. I do everything I can to please him, why is this such a big deal? Don't know.... Lori~ > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great > dad > when he's > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work > and > goes straight > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when > the > cable modem > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating > but I'm > like at > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before > you > hit the > > puter!! > > > > *~Joy~* > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > 2/26/01 > > Dr. Bertha > > town Memorial Hospital > > Mommy to: > > > > 1-9-99 > > & > > Saralyn > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 I'm doing a lot of relating of his age and his maturity level to his actions....he's 24 with the maturity level of a 17 year old girl which explains his selfishness and his inability to relate on an adult level. I'm 27 and feel 70! I feel like I have all the responsibility on my shoulders and he's breezing through life like everything is a piece of cake. :-) Yum, cake sounds good! Too much sugar. :-( Lori~ > In a message dated 3/21/2002 11:04:24 AM Eastern Standard Time, > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > He always says we can go somewhere, he's just not going > > with us. When he does go with us after I beg him to....he just pouts > > the whole time cause he wants to play with his puter.....cause we're > > no fun. What fun is that? I wish he would grow up! > > > > What am I going to do with a toddler and a newborn with a husband > > like this? > > > > I'm ROFL'ing Lori b/c this IS my life and as for the toddler and newborn.. ya > just do!! I've BTDT mine are 11 months and 6 days apart and you just do it > b/c its what you do!! > > I hate the I'd rather stay home and work when I come home and find out he's > been on AOL for 99 out of the 100 mins we were gone and NOTHING was done! > > *~Joy~* > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > 2/26/01 > Dr. Bertha > town Memorial Hospital > Mommy to: > > 1-9-99 > & > Saralyn > 12-15-99 > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 I have been there. When you do all you can to please a man, hang on to him etc. Try to change him...he will draw away from you and reject you. When you do not need him and stop wanting him around, he may then wonder why you no longer need him so much and start to want you more or pay attention to you more. If you can't boot him out, why can't you leave him? I am not saying for good, but a wake up call. However, if you will go back even if he does not change, don't bother leaving cause it will do no good. Like threatening a child with a punishment if they jump on the bed. They do it, you say, now if you do that again, I am gonna...Then they do it again, and you say, If you do that again, I am gonna....etc etc etc You have to change the direction you are going in or you will end up in the same place you are headed. It is tough going, especially if he decides not to change, but if it is worth your sanity, your happiness, your life and all that you want out of it (not what you will settle for), then it must happen. All the complaining in the world is not going to change your situation. Action is the only thing. And by the by, counseling is a great idea, but I would leave and then go to counseling while I am out of the house. Then he is forced to work at something he has yet to attain, vs working on something in name only and coming home and repeating his same behavior, OR saying he'll go then finding a million reasons not to. You have a man, not a bad man, but a shitty husband and somewhat shitty parent. Whether you really like it or not - he will continue to be a 3rd child until you change your behavior. Get this book, THE ANGER DANCE, it is a great guideline to changing the outcome of your life by simply changing your own reactions to people that help continue the circle of behavior. No one is saying he is terrible, and rest assured he will probably say, " Oh I am such a jerk, such an a**hole, that you should find someone who will treat you better, blah blah...tell him no...you are not those things, but you refuse to have a relationship with me or our children. You refuse to see me or my needs as important, or even a part of your life, you refuse to be part of this family and I am tired of trying to have a family without you while you are still here but yet not here...I will instead have to have my family without you, period. Or something along those lines. Hope God will grant you courage to change the things you can, and the serenity to accept what you cannot or will not change. Shirley Re: Slightly off topic... I tried kicking him to the curb, but he won't go.....I even threatened to take his computer to his mother's house and he can live with her forever, because I'm tired of him and his messy ways. His mommy is just so proud of him, but she doesn't know the real truth on how he is with us. I talked to his 22 year old sister about this (mainly cause she seems so much more mature than he) and she says just do something else and not worry about him any longer. That's easy for her to say....when she comes over and he ignores her cause he's too busy with his game then she can leave whenever. I just can't get up and walk the hell out like that. I do have to say he has chnaged his computer ways compared to say two months ago....about 70% better. Just need to work on that other 30%. I do everything I can to please him, why is this such a big deal? Don't know.... Lori~ > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great > dad > when he's > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work > and > goes straight > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when > the > cable modem > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating > but I'm > like at > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before > you > hit the > > puter!! > > > > *~Joy~* > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > 2/26/01 > > Dr. Bertha > > town Memorial Hospital > > Mommy to: > > > > 1-9-99 > > & > > Saralyn > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 Maybe if you stop " doing everything to please him " he will wake up and smell the coffee. Take care of YOURSELF for a change. Good luck sweetie!!! Meanwhile, we are here for you!!!! (((HUGS)))) Sandi Re: Slightly off topic... I tried kicking him to the curb, but he won't go.....I even threatened to take his computer to his mother's house and he can live with her forever, because I'm tired of him and his messy ways. His mommy is just so proud of him, but she doesn't know the real truth on how he is with us. I talked to his 22 year old sister about this (mainly cause she seems so much more mature than he) and she says just do something else and not worry about him any longer. That's easy for her to say....when she comes over and he ignores her cause he's too busy with his game then she can leave whenever. I just can't get up and walk the hell out like that. I do have to say he has chnaged his computer ways compared to say two months ago....about 70% better. Just need to work on that other 30%. I do everything I can to please him, why is this such a big deal? Don't know.... Lori~ > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern Standard Time, > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is a great > dad > when he's > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from work > and > goes straight > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad days when > the > cable modem > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY frustrating > but I'm > like at > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds before > you > hit the > > puter!! > > > > *~Joy~* > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > 2/26/01 > > Dr. Bertha > > town Memorial Hospital > > Mommy to: > > > > 1-9-99 > > & > > Saralyn > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 I tried that too.....doesn't work. I will try it again though.... When I say I want to leave he asks where I'm going because he wants to know where Warren will be. Gee thanks! I don't think he takes me seriously. He and I have threatened back and forth and have never really acted on anything. That's probably why....... :-) Lori~ > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern > Standard > Time, > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is > a > great > > dad > > when he's > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from > work > > and > > goes straight > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad > days when > > the > > cable modem > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY > frustrating > > but I'm > > like at > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds > > before > > you > > hit the > > > puter!! > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > 2/26/01 > > > Dr. Bertha > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > & > > > Saralyn > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 NAILED IT. I MEAN LEAVING. A MOVING TRUCK, ALL YOUR STUFF. IN THE TRUCK AND UNPACKED INTO ANOTHER PLACE. PERMANENT (OR AT LEAST IT LOOKS THAT WAY) (oops sorry about the caps!) You must act and follow through to ever achieve a change. Re: Slightly off topic... I tried that too.....doesn't work. I will try it again though.... When I say I want to leave he asks where I'm going because he wants to know where Warren will be. Gee thanks! I don't think he takes me seriously. He and I have threatened back and forth and have never really acted on anything. That's probably why....... :-) Lori~ > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern > Standard > Time, > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? Nope. > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My hubby is > a > great > > dad > > when he's > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes home from > work > > and > > goes straight > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been glad > days when > > the > > cable modem > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY > frustrating > > but I'm > > like at > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 seconds > > before > > you > > hit the > > > puter!! > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > 2/26/01 > > > Dr. Bertha > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > & > > > Saralyn > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 He is trying to make it better, and it's getting better but at a snails pace.......he's learning that we need him and want him on a permanent basis. He knows, he's just fighting it really hard. He is also very aware of a significant life change come late July or early August. No way can I manage a 20 month old and a newborn and him! Can having children scare a man into growing up? Lori~ > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM > Eastern > > Standard > > Time, > > > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? > > Nope. > > > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My > hubby > is > > a > > great > > > dad > > > when he's > > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes > home > from > > work > > > and > > > goes straight > > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been > glad > > days when > > > the > > > cable modem > > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... > VERY > > frustrating > > > but I'm > > > like at > > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 > > seconds > > > > before > > > you > > > hit the > > > > puter!! > > > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > > 2/26/01 > > > > Dr. Bertha > > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > > & > > > > Saralyn > > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 uhh...it can, but it doesn't always It really worked on my DH, but by then we were separated and he was with someone else. It took 4 years and 2 kids to send him back where he belonged and now my life is way harder than it needed to be. And one on the way makes too many daggone kids! : ) Re: Slightly off topic... He is trying to make it better, and it's getting better but at a snails pace.......he's learning that we need him and want him on a permanent basis. He knows, he's just fighting it really hard. He is also very aware of a significant life change come late July or early August. No way can I manage a 20 month old and a newborn and him! Can having children scare a man into growing up? Lori~ > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM > Eastern > > Standard > > Time, > > > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? > > Nope. > > > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My > hubby > is > > a > > great > > > dad > > > when he's > > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes > home > from > > work > > > and > > > goes straight > > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been > glad > > days when > > > the > > > cable modem > > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... > VERY > > frustrating > > > but I'm > > > like at > > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 > > seconds > > > > before > > > you > > > hit the > > > > puter!! > > > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > > 2/26/01 > > > > Dr. Bertha > > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > > & > > > > Saralyn > > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 BAYBBBREZE23 wrote: >He is trying to make it better, and it's getting better but at a >snails pace.......he's learning that we need him and want him on a >permanent basis. He knows, he's just fighting it really hard. He is >also very aware of a significant life change come late July or early >August. No way can I manage a 20 month old and a newborn and him! > >Can having children scare a man into growing up? > Sure it can. Obviously, things that are inherent to his personality aren't going to change, but those things were there when you got married. But yes, people can and DO grow up... I did. It actually does sound like he might be willing to at least recognize that it's a problem... and I think it would be better to do everything you can do to repair and restore your relationship. Warren and #2 need an intact family with their mommy and daddy who love them and love each other. It might not be a perfect marriage (no-one's is, because none of us is perfect), but it's worth working for. ((((((((Lori))))))) here's a hug for you, and a promise of prayer... and a listening ear. Love, Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 Amen! > > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 > AM > > Eastern > > > Standard > > > Time, > > > > > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love > overflowing???? > > > > Nope. > > > > > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here > too!! > My > > hubby > > is > > > a > > > great > > > > dad > > > > when he's > > > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He > comes > > home > > from > > > work > > > > and > > > > goes straight > > > > > to the computer for an hour or so, > I've > been > > glad > > > days when > > > > the > > > > cable modem > > > > > is down and I tell him he can't use > it... > > VERY > > > frustrating > > > > but I'm > > > > like at > > > > > LEAST say hello to your family for > more > than 5 > > > > seconds > > > > > > before > > > > you > > > > hit the > > > > > puter!! > > > > > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > > > 2/26/01 > > > > > Dr. Bertha > > > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > > > & > > > > > Saralyn > > > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message > have > been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 We are working on it....I shouldn't push for him to readjust his priorities when I'm still doing the same old thing. Well, what do I do...not much of anything really. You don't know how bad I would love to work out at a gym every evening like I use to or go to fake bake (tanning salon) so I'm not so white. Can't really do that while I'm pregnant though....fake bake that is. I wanna join the YMCA but I don't know....I have enough on my plate right now. A toddler, a full-time job, 21 weeks pregnant, a husband, laundry, house cleaning, bills, blah blah blah.....by the end of the day I'm dead! I need a stinkin' vacation!! Lori~ > > >He is trying to make it better, and it's getting better but at a > >snails pace.......he's learning that we need him and want him on a > >permanent basis. He knows, he's just fighting it really hard. He is > >also very aware of a significant life change come late July or early > >August. No way can I manage a 20 month old and a newborn and him! > > > >Can having children scare a man into growing up? > > > Sure it can. Obviously, things that are inherent to his personality > aren't going to change, but those things were there when you got > married. But yes, people can and DO grow up... I did. > > It actually does sound like he might be willing to at least recognize > that it's a problem... and I think it would be better to do everything > you can do to repair and restore your relationship. Warren and #2 need > an intact family with their mommy and daddy who love them and love each > other. It might not be a perfect marriage (no-one's is, because none of > us is perfect), but it's worth working for. > > ((((((((Lori))))))) here's a hug for you, and a promise of prayer... > and a listening ear. > > Love, > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2002 Report Share Posted March 21, 2002 Okay, been watching this thread all day and it's time for my unsolicited opinions LOL. I think you might benefit from a slight change in perspective. You mentioned you can't manage two lil ones and a husband...and you're right...you CAN'T manage your husband...so don't even try. He's an adult and when you try to manage him he will only become resentful and withdrawn. Another thing I noticed (from the outside looking in) is that you seem a little focused on how you want & need him to put in efforts to make you happy. Uh uh...won't work. Only you can be responsible for your own happiness. I don't believe you should kick him to the curb, but I don't think you need to depend on him and his actions for your own happiness. If you want to go out and he wants to sit on the computer and be a lump, then so be it. You're obviously not ready yet to throw in the towel on this man, or else you would have done it. You're a grown-up though and you have every right to pursue things that will make you happy. Find time for yourself and if you can't find it...make it. The housework can wait, it's not going anywhere (and maybe if you let some things go he might get prompted into picking up a little slack) He is obviously making time for himself so let him know in no uncertain terms that say one or two nights a week you are going to be doing your thing...whether it's taking a walk in the mall or hanging out with friends...anything to give you a respite from your responsibilities. Then you'll find as you become happier and more relaxed in your own skin one of two things will happen: he'll start to wonder what's up " Why's she so happy all the time? " and you'll be a more pleasant person to be around and he'll start to remember why he fell in love with you and want to be around you again. (My DH couldn't stand me because every time I had his ear for five minutes I was lecturing him like a 5 year old, when I started getting interests outside of trying to change him, I became more interesting to him) or he'll stay the way he is, and because you're feeling better you won't want to be married to a bump on a log so you'll be ready to take more drastic action. That's my tiny encapsulated piece of soapbox action for today (I wasn't trying to sound curt or mean and if I came across that way I'm sorry, but I have my own thing to do tonight so I'm outta here LOL) F. Re: Slightly off topic... We are working on it....I shouldn't push for him to readjust his priorities when I'm still doing the same old thing. Well, what do I do...not much of anything really. You don't know how bad I would love to work out at a gym every evening like I use to or go to fake bake (tanning salon) so I'm not so white. Can't really do that while I'm pregnant though....fake bake that is. I wanna join the YMCA but I don't know....I have enough on my plate right now. A toddler, a full-time job, 21 weeks pregnant, a husband, laundry, house cleaning, bills, blah blah blah.....by the end of the day I'm dead! I need a stinkin' vacation!! Lori~ orth working for. > > ((((((((Lori))))))) here's a hug for you, and a promise of prayer... > and a listening ear. > > Love, > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2002 Report Share Posted March 22, 2002 > Okay, been watching this thread all day and it's time for my unsolicited opinions LOL. > > I think you might benefit from a slight change in perspective. You mentioned you can't manage two lil ones and a husband...and you're right...you CAN'T manage your husband...so don't even try. He's an adult and when you try to manage him he will only become resentful and withdrawn. Another thing I noticed (from the outside looking in) is that you seem a little focused on how you want & need him to put in efforts to make you happy. Uh uh...won't work. Only you can be responsible for your own happiness. YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, I CAN ONLY MAKE MYSELF HAPPY AND I DO ALL THE TIME. HOWEVER, IT IS VERY DISTRACTIVE TO SEE MY LUMP OF A DH SITTING AT THE COMPUTER WHILE I DO EVERYTHING. MY RELATIONSHIP STARTED 50/50 BUT IT'S WORKING OUT TO BE 90/10 BECAUSE IS TO ENVELOPED IN HIS COMPUTER GAME. I don't believe you should kick him to the curb, but I don't think you need to depend on him and his actions for your own happiness. If you want to go out and he wants to sit on the computer and be a lump, then so be it. You're obviously not ready yet to throw in the towel on this man, or else you would have done it. You're a grown-up though and you have every right to pursue things that will make you happy. Find time for yourself and if you can't find it...make it. The housework can wait, it's not going anywhere (and maybe if you let some things go he might get prompted into picking up a little slack) HIM PICK UP SOME SLACK? MAYBE, BUT THAT'S ONCE IN A BIG FAT BLUE MOON! EVEN WHEN THE HOUSE IS COMPLETELY TRASHED....HE'S ASKING ME WHY I'M SO LAZY. MY FIRST TRIMESTER WAS A LONG ONE AND I WAS TIRED AND SICK MOST DAYS, AND I REALLY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I HAD TO DO. DISHES WOULD SIT IN THE SINK FOR A COUPLE DAYS, LAUNDRY PILED TO THE CEILING JUST ABOUT, AND HE DIDN'T DO A THING.....MATTER OF FACT, HE KEPT ASKING ME WHAT MY PROBLEM WAS AND I TOLD HIM I WAS NEWLY PREGNANT AND VERY, VERY TIRED. ALL HE SAID WAS " WHATEVER! " . He is obviously making time for himself so let him know in no uncertain terms that say one or two nights a week you are going to be doing your thing...whether it's taking a walk in the mall or hanging out with friends...anything to give you a respite from your responsibilities. Then you'll find as you become happier and more relaxed in your own skin one of two things will happen: he'll start to wonder what's up " Why's she so happy all the time? " and you'll be a more pleasant person to be around and he'll start to remember why he fell in love with you and want to be around you again. (My DH couldn't stand me because every time I had his ear for five minutes I was lecturing him like a 5 year old, IF I DON'T REMIND HIM OF THINGS, EVEN THE SMALLEST OF THINGS.....HE GETS MAD CAUSE I DIDN'T REMIND HIM. ON THE OTHER HAND, IF I DO REMIND HIM TO PICK UP WARREN OR TO PAY THE BABYSITTER HE GETS A LITTLE PISSY AND SAYS " I KNOW! " . I'M STUCK NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. When I started getting interests outside of trying to change him, I became more interesting to him) or he'll stay the way he is, and because you're feeling better you won't want to be married to a bump on a log so you'll be ready to take more drastic action. > That's my tiny encapsulated piece of soapbox action for today (I wasn't trying to sound curt or mean and if I came across that way I'm sorry, but I have my own thing to do tonight so I'm outta here LOL) > F. > Re: Slightly off topic... > > > We are working on it....I shouldn't push for him to readjust his > priorities when I'm still doing the same old thing. Well, what do I > do...not much of anything really. You don't know how bad I would > love to work out at a gym every evening like I use to or go to fake > bake (tanning salon) so I'm not so white. Can't really do that while > I'm pregnant though....fake bake that is. I wanna join the YMCA but > I don't know....I have enough on my plate right now. A toddler, a > full-time job, 21 weeks pregnant, a husband, laundry, house cleaning, > bills, blah blah blah.....by the end of the day I'm dead! > > I need a stinkin' vacation!! > > Lori~ > > orth working for. > > > > ((((((((Lori))))))) here's a hug for you, and a promise of > prayer... > > and a listening ear. > > > > Love, > > Kris > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2002 Report Share Posted March 23, 2002 I know aht you mean Lori. My DF (dear fiance) is the same way. Plus he tends to sleep later than I do on the weekends so I'm up with HIS 7yr old son. I do love this child, but he also drives me nuts. To this point hs has been raised a LOT diff than I was.. had no manners. would call his father not by saying " daddy can you help me " .. he would just say " daddy come " . Oh I put a stop to that mess. but I get frustrated a LOT quicker now that I'm preggo. and when my df gets his computer tunnel vision (which hasn't been bad since we wont have our DSL back until next week due to our move) it makes me want to pull my hair out. --- BAYBBBREZE23 wrote: > Last week about this time I wrote to our list here > about how my > relationship with my husband seemed to be going down > the toilet. > What a thing to have to worry about while I'm > pregnant! However, I > have noticed when my husband gets on the computer at > home, I get very > irritated. It's like it comes from no where! All > of a sudden I get > overwhelmed with a great sense of anxiety....For > one, when he gets on > it....he gets tunnel visioned and I end up doing > EVERYTHING! > Cooking, cleaning, anything and everything related > to the care of our > 15 month old, paying bills, grocery shopping, making > any & all > appointments for health reasons or otherwise, taking > out the trash, > walking the dog. You name it, I do it! Well, for > the past two weeks > or so the computer at home as been broken (he blew > it up trying to > upgrade). So since the puter was down I have had > this great sense of > relief that when I get home I DON'T have to do > everything! I can > cook in peace w/out a baby tugging at me, I felt > like I could relax a > bit, and I also felt like doing things because I > knew I didn't have > to do them ALL. The big thing was that I knew I > would have time with > him and not have to fuss about him being on the > computer and helping > out. > > The part I have figured out is that I believe my DH > has a > problem.....it's a legit thing too....COMPUTER > ADDICTION. Check out > these symptoms: > Psychological Symptoms: > Having a sense of well-being or euphoria while at > the computer > Inability to stop the activity > Craving more and more time at the computer > Neglect of family and friends > Feeling empty, depressed, irritable when not at the > computer > Lying to employers and family about activities > Problems with school or job > > Lori~ > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2002 Report Share Posted March 23, 2002 start gettting takeout for you and the kid(s) and forget him. don't clean unless absolutely ness and then see if he can stand it. if nothing else works.. accidently onpurpose format his hard drive. --- BAYBBBREZE23 wrote: > I tried kicking him to the curb, but he won't > go.....I even > threatened to take his computer to his mother's > house and he can live > with her forever, because I'm tired of him and his > messy ways. > > His mommy is just so proud of him, but she doesn't > know the real > truth on how he is with us. I talked to his 22 year > old sister about > this (mainly cause she seems so much more mature > than he) and she > says just do something else and not worry about him > any longer. > That's easy for her to say....when she comes over > and he ignores her > cause he's too busy with his game then she can leave > whenever. I > just can't get up and walk the hell out like that. > > I do have to say he has chnaged his computer ways > compared to say two > months ago....about 70% better. Just need to work > on that other > 30%. I do everything I can to please him, why is > this such a big > deal? Don't know.... > > Lori~ > > > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern > Standard > Time, > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? > Nope. > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My > hubby is a > great > > dad > > when he's > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes > home from work > > and > > goes straight > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been > glad days when > > the > > cable modem > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY > frustrating > > but I'm > > like at > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 > seconds > before > > you > > hit the > > > puter!! > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > 2/26/01 > > > Dr. Bertha > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > & > > > Saralyn > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 24, 2002 Report Share Posted March 24, 2002 That's funny! .......format his hard drive. NEVER thought of that. > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern > > Standard > > Time, > > > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? > > Nope. > > > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My > > hubby is a > > great > > > dad > > > when he's > > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes > > home from work > > > and > > > goes straight > > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been > > glad days when > > > the > > > cable modem > > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY > > frustrating > > > but I'm > > > like at > > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 > > seconds > > before > > > you > > > hit the > > > > puter!! > > > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > > 2/26/01 > > > > Dr. Bertha > > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > > & > > > > Saralyn > > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 24, 2002 Report Share Posted March 24, 2002 Even though it might seem funny to reformat his hard drive .isn’t this just giving him a legitimate excuse to spend hours on the computer fixing what you have done? Temper tantrums are not going to solve anything. Visit our family at http://www.kissedbynature.com/mcnutt/ <http://www.kissedbynature.com/mcnutt/> Wanna kiss? http://www.kissedbynature.com/ <http://www.kissedbynature.com/> Re: Slightly off topic... That's funny! .......format his hard drive. NEVER thought of that. > > > > In a message dated 3/21/2002 9:13:23 AM Eastern > > Standard > > Time, > > > > > > > baybbreeze23@h... writes: > > > > > > > > > > > > > Doesn't that sound like love overflowing???? > > Nope. > > > > > > > > Oh big hugs Lori.. sounds like here too!! My > > hubby is a > > great > > > dad > > > when he's > > > > not " thinking " about the computer. He comes > > home from work > > > and > > > goes straight > > > > to the computer for an hour or so, I've been > > glad days when > > > the > > > cable modem > > > > is down and I tell him he can't use it... VERY > > frustrating > > > but I'm > > > like at > > > > LEAST say hello to your family for more than 5 > > seconds > > before > > > you > > > hit the > > > > puter!! > > > > > > > > *~Joy~* > > > > Lap RNY @ 491lbs > > > > 2/26/01 > > > > Dr. Bertha > > > > town Memorial Hospital > > > > Mommy to: > > > > > > > > 1-9-99 > > > > & > > > > Saralyn > > > > 12-15-99 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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