Guest guest Posted August 21, 2004 Report Share Posted August 21, 2004 My daughter also had mainly " friends " who were boys. She was very pretty and as my son always said, she was able to manipulate the boys where the girls weren't impressed. It's a shame, but she really doesn't seem to care about her looks that much any more; it seems she doesn't care about anything anymore including her 2 little boys. The younger one was 4 last January and he still hasn't had his birthday party, that he is still asking about. She used to go all out, would have my son dress up as Barney or Scooby Do for the boys' parties and always made a big deal out of them as most mothers would when the kids are little, but since she took up with the latest loser boyfriend whom she ran off and married this past June, the kids don't seem to matter at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2004 Report Share Posted August 21, 2004 Hi Diane, After years of dealing with my family I am almost convinced they do all this in another person and honestly don't remember. The have trouble remembering so in order to make up for the loss they lie. It's truly sad how lost and alone they are. What always looks like manipulating give the suggestions they are in control of people when it's clearly to the contrary. They just try to survive in a world that's as forign as theirs is to us. Is she on any meds? prayers to all, I need kneeling pads myself... LouAnn Diane wrote: > > She's 16. She has always been a loner and never made friends easily. > Her first real friend was in the 6th grade and that ended after > several months when her friend said she was " too high maintenance " and > didn't want to hang out with her anymore. Then about a year later she > made another friendship which also lasted only a short time. After > that she's mostly made friends with boys. She currently has a > boyfriend that she's been dating for about 7 months. He seems like a > nice kid and I see what she's doing behind his back and it kills me - > when he leaves on vacation for a week with his family she immediately > seeks attention for " phone sex " with people she meets on the > internet. We recently discovered she stole my digital camera and took > naked photos of herself and sent them to someone she met online. When > her boyfriend confronted her about this she said he was lying and made > a huge deal about how she was being railroaded. Her boyfriend came to > me and told me that this online > person was making threats against (her version). When I asked > her about it she completely denied having any interest in this online > person and I agreed to contact a friend at the FBI regarding the > threats. I later found a letter she had written to this online > " friend " where she went on and on about how much she loved him - I > guess her outright lie shouldn't shock me since it happens all the > time, but to lie to the point where she knows the FBI will be involved > in an investigation still amazes me. I had even asked her outright - > did you send the photos? because it's illegal and you will be charged > - she still looked me in the face and denied it. > > I watch her actions towards her boyfriend and it appears to me like > she's transferring her behaviors she used to aim primarily at me > towards her boyfriend - the way she can manipulate situations to make > him feel sorry for her and that maybe he's wrong to confront her about > things that don't seem right - I can totaly relate to how he must be > feeling - like he's the one who's crazy. > > Anyway, I could go on and on but I'm sure you've all been there. > Thanks for letting me vent. > > cascorsam@... wrote: > How old is your daughter now? I can relate to the lack of friendship > issue > with my daughter as well. She is now 31 and has never really had a > friend, at > least not a female friend. I used to always tell her that you had to > be a > friend to have a friend. But she seemed to derive the greater pleasure > from > complaining about how negatively others treated her. I think it has > always been a > self esteem issue with her and perhaps her feeling abandoned by her > dad when we > divorced may have had something to do with it. I just don't > understand why, > at 31, she can't just get it together. She maintains that there is > nothing > wrong with her, so no need for counseling. Is constantly making poor, > even > disastrous choices, but when I asked her if perhaps she could try to > figure out > why she is constantly making self defeating choices, she says her > choices are > fine and she is happy with them. > If she says nothing wrong with her life as it is, how can I ever > expect her > to change? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2004 Report Share Posted August 21, 2004 Edith My BPD daughter was in child care from an early age - 6 weeks. She spent her first 18 months with grandparents (one of whom I believe to be a BPD) who gave 2 to one attention. From 18 mths of age she was in a group child care setting. Separation was always difficult and remained so throughout primary (elementary) school. I remember the days as she howled as I left. It never got better as the teachers said it would. She would not go on the first secondary school camp & I " visited " the camp during the days to enable her to be there. She's 15 now and she has left home ( we see her regulalry & support her in a house with her older friends who have been great to her) Like Rivka, I was sure she had a problem from about 5 years of age, my family thought I was nuts. Leslee Re: BPD & kids rivka wrote: > as far as early sx-my dtr was 5 or 6. it seemed rather sudden. a 5yr > babysitter left, a couple of other losses-started public > kindergarten-a change from the beloved pre-school she attended since > 2 yo--- Hmmm, I just read Rivka's post and have a question for those who'd care to respond. How many children who later developed BPD spent time in a pre-school at or from the age of two? According to the research this is a vulnerable age re attachment/abandonment stuff. I'm just curious. - Edith Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2004 Report Share Posted August 21, 2004 Edith-- My daughter went into daycare at five months, and thrived in that environment. But she also stayed with the same person for a few years which may have helped. When she went to preschool, she was about three and a half. She attended in four hour stretches for two or three days a week. Loved it. She entered kindergarten at five. Adored her teacher and had a very good time. She didn't display any anxiety unless I was late. When her father and I separated, we had to move to another town so she went to a different school. Still loved the kindergarten teacher, but had problems leaving me to see her dad. She didn't express all of her anxiety over separation, let alone other BP issues, but has since reported that she felt them from a young age. She did have traumas at four and eight years of age. The second trauma showed up as PTSD and that's what I told the HMO. The HMO (Kaiser) interpreted it as ADD/ADHD until they actually did a personality assessment, and then agreed with me. However, the child psych department did nothing to treat her. She presented with depression at about 11 - 12 years of age, and had some suicidal ideation. Her symptoms seemed to coincide with the onset of puberty, and early on she displayed mood swings, so it looked as if she might have inherited bipolar disorder. However, her moods could shift rapidly over the course of a day, so Kaiser said she couldn't be bipolar, as they don't believe in rapid cycling (as per the DSM) for anyone but adults. They did take into consideration that taking an SSRI had switched her into mania, though. It wasn't until December of last year that she was given a personality label, but as far as I can tell they won't officially diagnose her until she's 18. They will not have DBT groups for adolescents for about 3 - 4 years. She has just turned 15 and she has moderate separation anxiety. Most of the time I will tell her where I am, how I can be reached, and when she can expect me to return. I also call if I'm running late. But when she is at her father's, she calls me several times a day to cope with the neglectful environment and the sense that she's not allowed to feel over there. Her belief in this prohibition is accurate, IMHO, as her father has NPD. I've also noticed that she doesn't do as well when her feelings are not validated. I don't have to do much validation to get a decent response from her, either. I'm now working with her on identifying and acknowledging her feelings, but I've also added a proviso of " Do- the-opposite-of-what-you-feel " and it seems to help her cope. Meredith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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