Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 How nice!!!!!!!! So, if a young person has BPD, we, as parents, can't show that we are hurt or upset by their actions because it sounds like that makes them feel guilty. Well, they should feel guilty and they should be upset about hurting those who love them. That is called RESPONSIBILITY. And, that is what I believe my daughter is lacking and from the stories I read from the Group about their daughters, it seems to be a thread that runs throughout this disorder. Perhaps, part of their maturing is to become responsible for their actions in terms of not only how it affects them, but also how their behavior affects those arounf them. In terms of them not caring about the problems of others, that too shows their lack of maturity and their total focus on themselves. Becoming a " grown up " is also learning how to care about others and realizing that you cannot always have all the attention. Sometimes, I really wonder how much this is a mental illness and how much this is a bunch of " children " who never grew up!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 I've read " Stop Walking On Eggshells " and I still feel that perhaps they can show some control over their behaviors. Perhaps, we as parents have rescued and fed into their behaviors too much. You know what psychologists used to say about raising children years ago, " negative attention is as strong if not stronger a reinforcement as positive attention " . All my daughter's weird behaviors started after she graduated from high school and entered a large and highly rated college where she was no longer the center of attention. She was no longer the prettiest, smartest, etc. I believe she couldn't handle just being another student and started all this which has had my and my families attention for 10 years now. So, this time she is being ignored. We'll see if this makes any impression. I'm not doing this to punish her, but I have decided I WANT a life without all her problems. She seems to love her problems. So, I am going to find a life that interests and benefits ME for a change and she can hit bottom if she so desires. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2004 Report Share Posted November 19, 2004 Thank you Janna. That is something I hadn't realized...that they have to have all the attention. And that it causes them pain to see us hurt. My daughter says that all the time...that it hurts her to see me hurt, and it just doesn't compute, of course, because she is the one who has hurt me the worst throughout her life. It is very hard to stretch your mind around these concepts, isn't it? Their way of thinking is just beyond understanding...almost. Other mental illnesses seem to make more sense. I am beginning to work on it though and am making progress...I see everything you all mention and everything I read, in her behavior through the years. It is so very weird...as though I have been living with a stranger who I love. Swan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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