For Those Blessed With Pregnancy

September 19, 2000

***Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant***

17. " I finished the Oreos. "

16. " Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds. "

15. " Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a

baby..!! "

14. " I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever! "

13. " Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl! "

12. " Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from

that fella. "

11. " Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta

hurt. "

10. " Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard ! "

9. " I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth? "

8. " Are your ankles supposed to look like that? "

7. " Get your *own* ice cream. "

6. " Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today. "

5. " Got milk ? "

4. " Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney. "

3. " Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar! "

2. " Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water... "

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:

1. " You don't have the guts to pull that trigger... "

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