Guest guest Posted December 19, 2003 Report Share Posted December 19, 2003 I work 10 - 12 hours a day five days a week. The social worker says that they won't send somebody to babysit Carol wrote:So he gets coverage for only four hours a day? Who is supposed to fill in during the other 20 hours? You? Do you work? What is the discharge planner's plan for those 20 hours? Ask those questions and pin them down on just how much nursing care you are expected to provide and then inform them that you and your brother will have to live separately from Dad because you just can't provide the level of care required. Take a tough friend with you for this conversation - someone who won't let you back down to the " authority " figures. CarolR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2003 Report Share Posted December 19, 2003 I think you have gotten some very good advise all around. I am 70 years old and about the youngest in my family ties so I have been involved in a lot of home care situations. At the best they are not good, but if you are in the house with him he will always be the " daddy " and you the " kid " so what you do, think, say, will be of little or no consequence. One thing I agree with him on is that the nursing homes (probably) don't know how to handle diabetes. But the best hospitals don't as a general rule. But if he thinks he knows what to do that is probably the way it will be. One other thought I'd throw in. These kinds of situations usually come with a big load of baggage in the way of guilt. Try to decide what is best and try to the limit to not have any guilt. And watch that you don't create your own guilt. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies, like Pogo said " I have meet the enemy and it is us " . Guilt is almost impossible to every rid your self of. As difficult as it would be to not take him home and care for him I think it will be more difficult if you do. If there is any mental health support that is available to you it could be helpful. Deal with yourself and your brother first, and if the situation is as you say I don't see how you could be of help to your dad. If you take care of yourself your brother will have a much better chance. Betty I hope you find a workable solution to these problems. > So he gets coverage for only four hours a day? Who is supposed to fill > in during the other 20 hours? You? Do you work? What is the discharge > planner's plan for those 20 hours? Ask those questions and pin them > down on just how much nursing care you are expected to provide and ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2003 Report Share Posted December 20, 2003 Ok, let's see now. 1. Dad's apparently coming home whether we want him to or not; 2. You and brother can't leave the house; 3. You work 10-12 hours per day; 4. home health care will be only 4 hrs. per day; 5. Dad's an alcoholic. So, it seems that the 14 yo will be the primary caretaker unless there is somewhere else for him to go while you're at work. But, you say that you can call for a nurse whenever you need one. I would say that you and your brother would need one whenever Dad gets out of line, and that could be every day. In fact I would recommend that you and brother call the home health care company as often as necessary to find out what to do about Dad - even if it's several times a day - whenever you don't know what to do. In fact, you might want to ask the social worker in advance about what to do when the 14yo is the only one in charge, and spell out the number of hours of every day when he will be the only caretaker for Dad. Dump all the problems on the other people as often as you can, and get friends and neighbors over to observe what's going on as often as you can so you have witnesses other than yourself and brother. Do you have a church affiliation? Can you get a minister/priest/rabbi/whatever to help with the observing? And, if Dad wants booze he has to be able to get it for himself - you don't buy it for him. If he has a tendency to get violent, call the police, every time, without thinking about it, just do it. Make the record. CarolR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2003 Report Share Posted December 21, 2003 My brother will come home from school and be turning around to go out to work. then he won't get home until when I do. So he will not be a caregiver for my dad. We tried that and I will not let it happen again. Carol wrote:Ok, let's see now. 1. Dad's apparently coming home whether we want him to or not; 2. You and brother can't leave the house; 3. You work 10-12 hours per day; 4. home health care will be only 4 hrs. per day; 5. Dad's an alcoholic. So, it seems that the 14 yo will be the primary caretaker unless there is somewhere else for him to go while you're at work. But, you say that you can call for a nurse whenever you need one. I would say that you and your brother would need one whenever Dad gets out of line, and that could be every day. In fact I would recommend that you and brother call the home health care company as often as necessary to find out what to do about Dad - even if it's several times a day - whenever you don't know what to do. In fact, you might want to ask the social worker in advance about what to do when the 14yo is the only one in charge, and spell out the number of hours of every day when he will be the only caretaker for Dad. Dump all the problems on the other people as often as you can, and get friends and neighbors over to observe what's going on as often as you can so you have witnesses other than yourself and brother. Do you have a church affiliation? Can you get a minister/priest/rabbi/whatever to help with the observing? And, if Dad wants booze he has to be able to get it for himself - you don't buy it for him. If he has a tendency to get violent, call the police, every time, without thinking about it, just do it. Make the record. CarolR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2003 Report Share Posted December 21, 2003 I agree it is hopeless. It sounds like a yes, but, to me at this point. I give up. G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2003 Report Share Posted December 21, 2003 This sounds like a hopeless situation. Sorry! Kay Re: Re: Please help update My brother will come home from school and be turning around to go out to work. then he won't get home until when I do. So he will not be a caregiver for my dad. We tried that and I will not let it happen again. Carol wrote:Ok, let's see now. 1. Dad's apparently coming home whether we want him to or not; 2. You and brother can't leave the house; 3. You work 10-12 hours per day; 4. home health care will be only 4 hrs. per day; 5. Dad's an alcoholic. So, it seems that the 14 yo will be the primary caretaker unless there is somewhere else for him to go while you're at work. But, you say that you can call for a nurse whenever you need one. I would say that you and your brother would need one whenever Dad gets out of line, and that could be every day. In fact I would recommend that you and brother call the home health care company as often as necessary to find out what to do about Dad - even if it's several times a day - whenever you don't know what to do. In fact, you might want to ask the social worker in advance about what to do when the 14yo is the only one in charge, and spell out the number of hours of every day when he will be the only caretaker for Dad. Dump all the problems on the other people as often as you can, and get friends and neighbors over to observe what's going on as often as you can so you have witnesses other than yourself and brother. Do you have a church affiliation? Can you get a minister/priest/rabbi/whatever to help with the observing? And, if Dad wants booze he has to be able to get it for himself - you don't buy it for him. If he has a tendency to get violent, call the police, every time, without thinking about it, just do it. Make the record. CarolR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 eileen please ensure the people who are going to be in charge of his care at home are aware that neither you or your brother are in a position to provide primary home care for your father .he is not your legal responsibility and do not let people in authority pressurise you.when you meet them ensure you have someone with you for support,if possible a minister or church person would be preferable Re: Re: Please help update My brother will come home from school and be turning around to go out to work. then he won't get home until when I do. So he will not be a caregiver for my dad. We tried that and I will not let it happen again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2003 Report Share Posted December 22, 2003 >My brother will come home from school and be turning around to go out to >work. then he won't get home until when I do. So he will not be a >caregiver for my dad. We tried that and I will not let it happen again. It sounds as if you really need to speak with a/your lawyer to find out the *legal* parameters of what choices you actually have and what the ramifications might be . . . and based on that info you probably have some tough decisions to make that only you can do. Think of all the " what if's " (re: your behavior/actions) you can imagine and present those to a/your lawyer to get some real answers. It could be that all of your possible choices have some downside but, unfortunately, there is no magic wand to fix that and you might have to just choose the " least of the evils " that you can live with. If you are somehow legally bound to stay in the house, take care of it, take care of father, etc. etc. (and other legal situations that we are not aware of), those terms are beyond the purview of the good intentions and diabetes help this list can provide. I wish you the best in a surely difficult situation. Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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