Re: Tim and Barbara and JB about thinking things through..etc

[Guest guest]

JoAnn,

Thank you and absolutely no offense taken!

You know I am in a good place now, more so than in years past. My

wife lost her best friend a few months ago, had a hystrectomy and

wanted children badley..her baby sister is terminally ill and now her

mom is as well....a lot on her plate in the last year and a half. She

needs a break and being with her sister is good for both of them.

Not to get long or really involved here but I went into the service

right after high school and my job placed me in positions where there

was death and injuries and I think the natural response is to become

numb. You deal with it internally but never externally if you know

what I mean. My wife knew my circumstance then, thats where I met her

and she understands the process I go through to work things out...but

she is really struggeling with all that has happened and I haven't

been much support to her becuase of my frustration level...I am not

angry with what has happened...I just have had no relief from the

pain and it wears on you.

She has a full plate and needs a break and I think she is deciding

what is going to be best for her in the future...I don't feel bad

about that one bit...I want her to be happy whether it is with or

without me, she will always have my love and support regardless of

her descision.

Well I am going to end here, can not think straight for some reason

this morning..but I do understand what you are saying and I hope that

you have found peace.

Tim

> Have not given this thought and just read some of what you 3 have

written of how you deal with life and emotions and reactions to what

is dealt you or not deal with it. So if off kilter on this hope not

offended by this.

> I have lived through what many would find beyond awful and

looking back on life seems that God has shown me how I dealt with

anger, the emotions of believing or deserving the hard slaps of

life, lack of thinking of myself in any way other than ugly inside

and out by thoughts or memories. Always wanted things to be so

correct in meaning that kids did not misunderstand when Russ said

something or if doing a party or whatever that all were just happy

and made good memories.

> So point of the above is as body started getting sicker and

sicker and saw that life as had grown to be better and was learning

things and putting things in the correct place in my thoughts, well

just the fact that was sick and loosing ability to do what use to do

made me feel very guilty for not living and being what my husband and

I both wanted for each other. So the emotions were anger at myself,

emotions of being failure for not dealing with it better, not being

stronger in fighting things, wanting to be and act and look like the

young wife was and the playful wife was.

> Instead as time passes become burden, hardship for Russ who

already has much to do and cause him to worry about me as he does

love me. Now am very grateful for his love just sad that his days

and nights and week-ends are not what should be due to never know how

or what will be able to do or for how long will last if do something.

> Tim I would guess and sure could be way off on this one not

knowing you nor your wife, but just from what you have spoken perhaps

she lives in the place of feeling incapable of making you happy,

frustrated at not being able to help you and that would be being able

in taking pain away or to place where you do not suffer. Not that

she is upset at you, or expects more from you, but is just like us

when we are frustrated at not being stronger etc, she can feel

frustrated at thinking she should be able to do for you the right

thing in either attitude, or knowing how to help you and it just

builds up and she feels like she has and is letting you down. After

all who knows how to help someone sick when you perhaps are leery of

bringing up they are sick, or leery of if bring it up that will cause

them to feel sad for causing or being reason that spouse is

distressed by not knowing what to do or say. Heck look at us, how

many times do we write to digest and someone is hurting and they take

what was meant to be helpful as being disresptful or hurtful? You

know we find we don't even know how to speak the right words to those

who we do understand at least better than anyone else not suffering

with rsd or fibro, and if others get upset at us then how hard is it

for those around us to know how to help?

> I think we forget how if it was our child sick, and they were

feeling as we do how guilty and all sorts of emotions because we just

cannot understand what the child thinks or feels that we are not

making them better.

> So after this novel, hope something is correct or logical to

you or anyone, just know I have offered many times to leave Russ so

he can have better life. And Russ has been frustrated at his not

being able to rid me of the suffering I have and I work very hard at

not letting him know just how I am but it shows. ANd think in

husband wife situation we both want same thing for person sick, and

the one not sick feels like a fish out of water not knowing what to

do or say and scared they are or you think they are angry at us or

whatever and we all just struggle not knowing how to speak to one

another. Anything correct here or have I just blown that last brain

cell? Please forgive me all of you reading this if hard to follow,

or if just not anything like you think or feel so you may read it and

wonder what planet I was sent down from.

> Just know it is best can think at this point, as clear as can

be at this time and I wrote this with heart wanting to and hope to

bring at least one light bulb to our trying to understand how we are

and how our loved ones may feel. Okay? Not mad at me? Please do

not be mad as just cannot handle that now. Be knowing I care

> s Momma

> JoAnn

[Guest guest]

JB,

Wow I don't know how to respond to that...maybe I am starting to grow

into that person I have always wanted to be.

A household of women...he is a saint...lol

Gentle hugs good night,

Tim

> Tim,

>

> You amaze me each and every time i read your post. You have to be

an

> amazing man. My Tim is, maybe its the name just kidding. The

support

> you show your wife is unbelievable. My hubby and I havent been

> married even 3 years yet and its hard for me to believe he is

always

> here for me always tells me and shows me he loves me.Most men

wouldve

> got out and said i cant handle all this. He married into a family

of

> all woman poor man lol Me and my 3 girls which i also have 3

> granddaughters plus he has a daughter. So he is a brave man lol.We

do

> have one male dog and 3 females 1 male rabbit.. And new to my

faimly

> being raised in a old truck is 6 kittens and another female momma

lol

> we looked at 3 of the kittens and again 3 girls dont know about the

> rest lol. well my book is over yall have a good day soft hugs and

> much love JB

[Guest guest]

Joann,

You didnt say anything wrong, And u give great advice as you know

now i speak my mind. Good or bad i speak my mind i just say i hope

you dont get mad but and if they do oh well... They will get over it

i promise lol. Not being hard but you didnt say anything wrong at

all.. And if they i can voice my opinon i can take someone elses

back. we all deserve to have one.. Love ya JB