Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 Stacie, Yes, it sounds like you have a resiliant spirit. My heart aches for your childhood, it truly does. All children, like you have said, deserve to have unconditional love and a safe place to exist. You have so much knowledge to share with others. I am sure that you, someday, will put this knowledge to " work " if you have not already. Since you are young, the wrinkle thing seems far off I know. When the day finally comes when you do get one or two, I am sure that those stories will have lots of happiness. I am sure you have great perspective about things in life! Oh, and I was honored that you use what I originally wrote was used in some way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 Stacie, That is so interesting. I was just telling my friends last night that I think because my stepdad physically abused me I came out better than my sister who was mentally abused. It did make me very strong. It also made me vow to never treat children like that. I had some rough times with Kaija but I do believe the cycle has been broken. I do not hit my kids. I do not disrespect them. I have learned so much of what I am capable of by living is such a harsh environment. Your words really hit home. Wendi Re: /Scars From: MamaToLexi@... In a message dated 4/18/99 10:27:02 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Mparker90@... writes: << Stacie, All of your scars? I hope you have not had too many. Stories are fun...there is a cool poem or song about how each wrinkle tells a story. I understand what you mean by a story behind each one. >> , Unfortunately I do not have too many HAPPY stories from the past. The only happy ones are within the last few years.... But I do have quite a few scars, mostly all of them are from an abusive father. But he did a good job of hiding them, at the time it was so he would not get caught....it was bad for me THEN, but now I am at least able to hide them, unless you get close to me! But that is another story.....LOL!! But to me, it is not such a bad thing anymore, I learned from it. But the funny thing to me, Is, I was the one who was abused the worst, yet I am the only one who does not still have MANY issues about it! I have been able to move past it, and get on with me life. And I truly believe that God gave me such a STRONG Spirit, for a reason. I believe he KNEW I would have so many tests through out my life, especially my childhood. And I believe If I did not have it, I would have crumbled like the rest of my family. Stacie ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Start a new hobby. Meet a new friend. http://www.ONElist.com ONElist: The leading provider of free e-mail list services! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Breastfeeding is Best!! http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 For all of you who were forced to suffer through abuse of any kind...ASWESOME JOB! It is hard enough to parent, but you have all had to overcome so much! I admire and support you. I was not spanked as a child, and it is still hard for me to effectively discipline my 5 yob sometimes. My background is even in child/human growth and dev...all that goes right out the window since I am dealing with my own child though. I have spanked him in the past, but made a vow not to do it anymore. So far, so good. I felt so horrible the few times I did resort to spanking. Your own can really push buttons, can't they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 , (((((H))))) to you too. Perhaps we have found some other ways to support each other here! Hey, who started this? lol Good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 , I have no contact with my step dad but am in contact with my mom who let it happen. We have a fairly superficial relationship as I have placed boundaries in my life and so she keeps our relationship superficial. It is fine with me. She is great with my kids though. She is very respectful of how I raise them. She does give them too many sweets but would never give ice cream for breakfast or anything like that. Kaija goes and stays with her for two weeks at a time. She is remarried to a great guy. She lives near my sister and so Kaija goes up there and gets to see my family and I get a break. I think Kaija is going in a few weeks. Hooray! Anyway I got off topic. No I don't see him and won't have to ever again because I don't choose to. He still controlled my life for many years after he was gone but no longer. I took my power back and I know that as a child I didn't cause it. I feel so free now that I have released his hold over me. Wendi Re: /Scars >From: HHamer1810@... > >In a message dated 19/04/99 18:28:29 GMT Daylight Time, >naturebaby@... writes: > ><< Stacie, > > That is so interesting. I was just telling my friends last night that I >think because my stepdad physically abused me I came out better than my >sister who was mentally abused. It did make me very strong. It also made me >vow to never treat children like that. I had some rough times with Kaija but >I do believe the cycle has been broken. I do not hit my kids. I do not >disrespect them. I have learned so much of what I am capable of by living is >such a harsh environment. Your words really hit home. > > Wendi > >> > >Same here Wendi, My Dad was a very keen smacker when I was growing up. He >would lash out quite regularly until I was 16. I can remember bitterly vowing >that I would never ever smack my children when I had some and I haven't. >It is very hard though. My first instinct is to parent the way I was >parented, but I am determined to break the cycle too! > >Hannah(UK) >Mum to Bethany nearly 5, Lawrence 3 and Verity 10 months > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >New hobbies? New curiosities? New enthusiasms? >http://www.ONElist.com >Sign up for a new e-mail list today! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Breastfeeding is Best!! >http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding > >If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Are you hogging all the fun? http://www.ONElist.com Friends tell friends about ONElist! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Breastfeeding is Best!! http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 Wendi, I am very glad to hear that you have used the things in your like as a learning experience, its hard sometimes but we do what we have to. Re: /Scars >From: HHamer1810@... > >In a message dated 19/04/99 18:28:29 GMT Daylight Time, >naturebaby@... writes: > ><< Stacie, > > That is so interesting. I was just telling my friends last night that I >think because my stepdad physically abused me I came out better than my >sister who was mentally abused. It did make me very strong. It also made me >vow to never treat children like that. I had some rough times with Kaija but >I do believe the cycle has been broken. I do not hit my kids. I do not >disrespect them. I have learned so much of what I am capable of by living is >such a harsh environment. Your words really hit home. > > Wendi > >> > >Same here Wendi, My Dad was a very keen smacker when I was growing up. He >would lash out quite regularly until I was 16. I can remember bitterly vowing >that I would never ever smack my children when I had some and I haven't. >It is very hard though. My first instinct is to parent the way I was >parented, but I am determined to break the cycle too! > >Hannah(UK) >Mum to Bethany nearly 5, Lawrence 3 and Verity 10 months > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >New hobbies? New curiosities? New enthusiasms? >http://www.ONElist.com >Sign up for a new e-mail list today! >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Breastfeeding is Best!! >http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding > >If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Are you hogging all the fun? http://www.ONElist.com Friends tell friends about ONElist! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Breastfeeding is Best!! http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 , I have resorted to spanking and don't regret it as it worked really well with Kaija the three times I did it. I used one swat basically to get her attention and then proceeded to give her a time out and talk with her about the issue. I don't use it as punishment. The last time I spanked her was when she hit me hard in my pregnant belly. I turned around and gave her one swat to her butt and boy did that get her attention. I then took her in my arms and asked her if she liked to be hit and she said no. I said I didn't either and we made a vow to never hit each other again. I don't think that would ever work with Zaid. If he hits Kaija and she hits him back he laughs. Anyway, all kids are different. Wendi Re: /Scars From: Mparker90@... For all of you who were forced to suffer through abuse of any kind...ASWESOME JOB! It is hard enough to parent, but you have all had to overcome so much! I admire and support you. I was not spanked as a child, and it is still hard for me to effectively discipline my 5 yob sometimes. My background is even in child/human growth and dev...all that goes right out the window since I am dealing with my own child though. I have spanked him in the past, but made a vow not to do it anymore. So far, so good. I felt so horrible the few times I did resort to spanking. Your own can really push buttons, can't they? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Looking for a new hobby? Want to make a new friend? http://www.ONElist.com Come join one of the 115,000 e-mail communities at ONElist! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Breastfeeding is Best!! http://www.mariaann.com/breastfeeding If you like this list also check out http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/weanedbuddies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 1999 Report Share Posted April 19, 1999 Wendi, I will say that I believe it can be used in moderation effectively. I noticed that it did not help the way I was using it. I do not look down on people who spank occasionally. I do have an issue with using it all the time. I felt angrier when I spanked my then 4 yob. It was not good for either of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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