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Re: Signs of Spreading?

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Tim,

I pray that it is not spreading. When mine spread I didn't really get pins and needles, just a great deal of pain. It spread to my left foot first, then my back, then arms, then hands and wrists. First the rheumatologist told me I had fibromyalgia and that was causing the pain, but then the RSD specialist told me the RSD had spread. When I got the pain real bad in my back from the lumbar block it caused it to spread through my upper body. I don't suffer from headaches often though. I really think you should contact your doctor if you don't have an appointment coming up soon. I don't know if this helps or not but just wanted to let you know how mine spread. I hope you feel better, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted.

<hugs> Lori

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Tim,

Thank you too for understanding about my mom. You are so right when you said you don't know what gets into people - I've stopped trying to figure out my mother. Now she planned a trip down to see me without even asking me. I don't get her, if she would have asked I would have told her to come later. Also, she did not know if I was going into that 4 week treatment program, so she could have planned it and I wouldn't even be here. She is coming the end of June, and my sister was just here so I don't need food or anything Yet, she should have waited a little bit so she could restock my freezer with food, etc. Also the last week of the month is absolutely crazy for me at work and she Knows this as I have been there for almost 3 years. So she plans to come down the last week of the month. She goes from one extreme to the other, I just can't help getting upset at her. She hasn't bothered to come down in 4 months, but now because my sister came down she plans a trip without even asking me. <Big Sigh!!>

Anyway, didn't mean to vent there..lol. I do have 2 wonderful cats - animals are the best aren't they? They have such unconditional love, they love me no matter what and pretty much mimic what I do. If I'm just laying in bed hurting, they lay here with me - things like that. I have a couple of good friends who have stuck by me somewhat. I don't see them often but talk on the phone sometimes. And my one sister is great, we talk just about every day. The worst part of this is my hands, since they hurt so much the pain has taken away all of the hobbies I used to do to keep my mind busy. But I am trying to figure out ways to work around this and hopefully will be able to do them once again.

Well sorry for the novel Again!! lol Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you always, and please know that you are not alone.

<hugs> Lori = )

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Lori,

I lost my mom to cancer when I was eighteen and in the service. My

father remarried about 5 years later and we see each other about

twice a year. I use to really get hurt because he took more interest

in my step brother and sister and his new family than he did

and I. He is not supportive in any way, but I know he loves me. It

took me along time to figure out that he was never given the tools to

be anything more than what he is.

Growing up in the depression with out a father his mother worked two

jobs and took care of his sister and him. My mom was very strong

willed and really took care of the family things, once she was gone

he was incapable...his new wife is much the same and unless she gets

on him to call me or I called him I would never hear from him.

I realized a while back that he is never going to change, and from

that point on if I got upset or angery with him it was really my

fault for letting him get to me. I love him but I understand him now

and as sad as it may be he will only be what he is now to me.

I know we all need and want support, but sometimes the people we want

it from are incapable of providing it not because they don't love or

care for us, but because they do not know how. It is so easy to be a

friend or a parent when things are going smoothly but when they don't

we are sometime blindsided by the sudden change in the person.

I am really sorry about your situation, I wish I could offer you more

that would relieve the frustrations. I think sometimes we need to

take a step back and look at the whole picture, it may be painful to

do, but remeber it is not always your fault that people behave the

way they do.

As far as the animals, they really help in every way!

You take care and hang in there!

Tim

> Tim,

> Thank you too for understanding about my mom. You are so right when

you said

> you don't know what gets into people - I've stopped trying to

figure out my

> mother. Now she planned a trip down to see me without even asking

me. I don't

> get her, if she would have asked I would have told her to come

later. Also, she

> did not know if I was going into that 4 week treatment program, so

she could

> have planned it and I wouldn't even be here. She is coming the end

of June, and

> my sister was just here so I don't need food or anything Yet, she

should have

> waited a little bit so she could restock my freezer with food, etc.

Also the

> last week of the month is absolutely crazy for me at work and she

Knows this

> as I have been there for almost 3 years. So she plans to come down

the last

> week of the month. She goes from one extreme to the other, I just

can't help

> getting upset at her. She hasn't bothered to come down in 4 months,

but now

> because my sister came down she plans a trip without even asking

me. <Big Sigh!!>

> Anyway, didn't mean to vent there..lol. I do have 2 wonderful cats -

animals

> are the best aren't they? They have such unconditional love, they

love me no

> matter what and pretty much mimic what I do. If I'm just laying in

bed hurting,

> they lay here with me - things like that. I have a couple of good

friends who

> have stuck by me somewhat. I don't see them often but talk on the

phone

> sometimes. And my one sister is great, we talk just about every

day. The worst part

> of this is my hands, since they hurt so much the pain has taken

away all of

> the hobbies I used to do to keep my mind busy. But I am trying to

figure out

> ways to work around this and hopefully will be able to do them once

again.

> Well sorry for the novel Again!! lol Please know that my thoughts

and

> prayers are with you always, and please know that you are not alone.

> <hugs> Lori = )

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Tim,

You are such a wonderful person, I feel so lucky to have met you. Your e-mails are so inspiring and really help me to look at things in a different light. I will try to think of it as you said - that they are incapable of giving me the support I need - although at times it is hard to not blame them. The thing that upset me the most was when I found out my mom said I would be a burden if I had to move back to the area and have somebody help me. I can't help but look at this as complete selfishness on her part, but I guess I should look at it as she is not prepared to help me in the way that I might need help should I lose my job or be unable to do my job anymore. I will try to forgive her even though my heart hurts so much, I will try to accept the fact that she cannot help the way she is.

I want to thank you again - you always seem to have the words to help me, you are an incredible perxon and a great friend. I hope you had a good weekend and I'll talk to you soon.

<hugs> Lori

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Lori,

I have to thank all of you and RSD, and as far as me being a good

person I believe that I was when I was younger. I guess I could list

off a bunch of excuses why I changed over the years but really they

do nothing to justify some of my stupid moments in life.

When my mom died I was always asked how my dad was doing and you need

to take care of your dad, he needs you. I had no one ever ask how I

was doing, or you need to take care of yourself. Hell I was eighteen

and shortly after her death I suffered a severe injury that was life

altering, yet I was still responsible for dealing with my father's

emotions and his struggle to overcome her passing.

For years I have carried the anger and contempt, and never ever saw

the good side to anything. And as time went on I sank deeper into

that pit, and really never saw a way out of it.

Now comes all of this with my sister in-law and the situation with my

wife and my present physical condition. I am not trying to seek

sympathy here!, but to have a discussions about dieing with my Sister

who nine years earlier use to wait up for me at night so she could

kiss me good night was beyond heart breaking. It brought back all

those emotions and feelings that I had hid away after my mom's death

and I said enough...I had to deal with it and had to deal with Dawn,

and that's what I have been doing over the last year.

Ultimately I am my mothers son, people figured I was going to be ok

because I was or appeared to be as strong as my mom and my dad just

doesn't have the ability to take care of himself emotionally let

anyone else. And I have to say there were people there for me...I

DIDN'T let them in.

When I first visited this site I found a place to express my feelings

without fear of ridicule. Better yet I was able to read so many posts

that help me put all the pieces together in my own life.

I am again becoming the person that my wife fell in love with and the

person I always new I was and had been.

My wife and I spent the day together yesterday and had a very deep

discussion. We expressed our feelings and concerns but for the fist

time in years I listened with compassion and love and immediately saw

how much it meant to her and how much she had needed me to do so

yesterday, last year, and tomorrow.

If you haven't figured it out yet I do not take praise very well, I

get embarrassed, but the fact is the honesty, and compassion in this

support group has given me the strength and the courage to take the

final steps in restoring the old me. It is amazing, I have absolutely

no fear of the future nor do I avoid the past.

I do not know what else to say except Thank you all for being honest,

supportive and for being you!

With much love and gratitude,

Tim

> Tim,

> You are such a wonderful person, I feel so lucky to have met you.

Your

> e-mails are so inspiring and really help me to look at things in a

different light.

> I will try to think of it as you said - that they are incapable of

giving me

> the support I need - although at times it is hard to not blame

them. The thing

> that upset me the most was when I found out my mom said I would be

a burden if

> I had to move back to the area and have somebody help me. I can't

help but

> look at this as complete selfishness on her part, but I guess I

should look at

> it as she is not prepared to help me in the way that I might need

help should

> I lose my job or be unable to do my job anymore. I will try to

forgive her

> even though my heart hurts so much, I will try to accept the fact

that she cannot

> help the way she is.

> I want to thank you again - you always seem to have the words to

help me, you

> are an incredible perxon and a great friend. I hope you had a good

weekend

> and I'll talk to you soon.

> <hugs> Lori

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