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, I am thinking of you this VERY moment as I am holding a delectable Lindt truffle at my eager lips poised to take a bite. I had never ever had one, had never even heard of them and then you and made them sound so tantalizing that I just had to buy a box when I saw them at the store today. I have already had two and this is my last for the day( it is, it is, I swear!)-how on earth do you stop from eating the entire box? Sarcoid/PF 3/2006 California Re: make-up etc

Dear Joyce,

Well said.. interestingly my youngest daughter feels very frustrated with the response she gets from her friends because they can't understand her grief at this stage of my illness...she gets the "your mother doesn't LOOK like she's dying' & "don't overreact ..she won't die for ages yet!"

She lives a great distance from me & her only sibling & feels that distance terribly whenever things like this crop up. She's comtemplating moving back home but it's a dreadfully difficult decision for her to make because it affects her ex & their only daughter.

When she says she wants to be near me while I'm still active & not wait until I'm frail & really ill she gets the eye's rolled skywards response from most of her mates..."well THAT could be years away!" And they're right it probably will be .... we laugh & I tell her that I apologise for NOT being able to provide a neat timetable!

My daughter who lives closest finds it more difficult to deal with & she's the one who doesn't want to talk about the ins & outs of the process. Her little girl, however, is the one who keeps raising the subject in all sorts of ways. She even warns me not to go near certain people in a social situation 'cos they're sick & " I don't want you sick, Grangi" she solomnly tells me. How's that for a just 5 year old! She's become my active MINDER!

I'm going back to Tasmania with my younger daughter & grand-daughter, in a couple of weeks time. I'm planning to spend a lot more time down there with her while I can still fly. This trip will be for a month or so...I'll talk to some of those mates of hers & try & give them a fresh perspective! Dying can be a jolly long process & brings its own challenges, just in a different way to a fast or unexpected death!

For myself, the Tasmanian community that my daughter lives in has become a real part of my life too & I'm hoping my daughter decides to stay there - she has a great life there, good job, stimulating community life with lots of music, dance & theatre action albeit on a very small scale. There's a 'Visiting Parent' scenario where we all get 'taken up' into whatever is happening at the time & I've made some lovely friendships down there among HER friends!

I don't want to be the sole reason she returns home...she should want to do that for lots of really clear 'other' reasons as well....

When the time comes that I know I won't get back down there, then I'll feel the grief myself but that time is not yet!

Now, I'm too busy supporting everyone else & putting one foot in front of t'other!

love,

in Oz

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