YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE, WHEN YOU HAVE RSD

[Guest guest]

Hi STACEY

I do not know if this ill help you feel a little better about the

situation with your friend or not, but here it is anyway.

When I was 15 my best friend's older sister found our she had Lupis.

As her illness progressed she seemed to become rather mean to her

friends and family. Her main target was her father who had his leg

amputated due to an injury about three years after she was dignossed.

He had sevier phantom pain in his missing leg. Sometimes she was so

nasty to him that he would go and stay at a motel for the night till

she got calmed down. After things got so bad that her father was

going to move out, the whole family got into counceling. It turned

out that she had problems with him needing more of her families

attention after he got hurt.This took some of the attention away from

her suffering and she thought her troubles shoud be the most

important in the family.

I have to wonder if this could be something similer? Before you

became ill you most likely were very supportive of her and her needs.

When you had to cut down on everything in your life to cope with your

own problems, you most likely were not able to give as much to her as

she was used to. Some people are just not cut out to be the

supportive ones in a friendship.

If it were me in your situation(and just a sugestion) maby you need

to simply back off of the face to face get togethers for a while. Try

to keep your conversations on very nutral subjects for now and when

you both seem comfortable with each other on the phone again, maby

you could try getting together with a group of friends. That would

allow you to spend time together but with others to step in if things

start to go wrong. She may come around to the friend you know and

like,and if not then you can feel that you have done everything you

could do to keep this long term friendship alive.

Again, this is just a sugestion on one possablity.

good luck,

CheriB.

[Guest guest]

What Cheri says makes a lot of sense. I find even my m-i-l doing this, she

has always had health issues, whenever we're over there and anyone asks abt

my problems and pain, she always finds a way to turn the conversation back

to her problems and pain and how SHE really knows all about it. Kinda sick,

not like I deliberately entered into a competition, ya know, and wd give

anything to have missed out on this life experience all together!

Or maybe in some way she's a little mad or even frightened because you were

such a big source of support for her and now she feels that is being taken

from her, you know, working through her own greif and loss issues with your

illness, if she is a close friend guess this could be happening.

Whether you feel like you can talk to her and she will be honest, or if you

need to back away for a bit, only you can judge. I sure wish you luck, good

friends are hard to find, but she seriously needs to come to grips with her

behavior!

beth

[Guest guest]

I agree with all you said Cheri

Cheri Beda wrote:

> Hi STACEY

> I do not know if this ill help you feel a little better about the

> situation with your friend or not, but here it is anyway.

>

> When I was 15 my best friend's older sister found our she had Lupis.

> As her illness progressed she seemed to become rather mean to her

> friends and family. Her main target was her father who had his leg

> amputated due to an injury about three years after she was dignossed.

> He had sevier phantom pain in his missing leg. Sometimes she was so

> nasty to him that he would go and stay at a motel for the night till

> she got calmed down. After things got so bad that her father was

> going to move out, the whole family got into counceling. It turned

> out that she had problems with him needing more of her families

> attention after he got hurt.This took some of the attention away from

> her suffering and she thought her troubles shoud be the most

> important in the family.

> I have to wonder if this could be something similer? Before you

> became ill you most likely were very supportive of her and her needs.

> When you had to cut down on everything in your life to cope with your

> own problems, you most likely were not able to give as much to her as

> she was used to. Some people are just not cut out to be the

> supportive ones in a friendship.

> If it were me in your situation(and just a sugestion) maby you need

> to simply back off of the face to face get togethers for a while. Try

> to keep your conversations on very nutral subjects for now and when

> you both seem comfortable with each other on the phone again, maby

> you could try getting together with a group of friends. That would

> allow you to spend time together but with others to step in if things

> start to go wrong. She may come around to the friend you know and

> like,and if not then you can feel that you have done everything you

> could do to keep this long term friendship alive.

> Again, this is just a sugestion on one possablity.

> good luck,

> CheriB.

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