Re: WAS IT ALL A BAD DREAM/Marsha

[Guest guest]

Marsha, Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't

heard from your daughter. I have thought of you often and wondered

and I apologize for not having asked. I thought (maybe in error) no

news, maybe was good news.

I know how hard this is,especially in the holiday season. Seems

every day I learn a new appreciation for my very own parents, though

they never faced the struggles we seem to.

Try and find some peace for yourself and continue to enjoy your

wonderful son. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbie

>

> > This is my first post so please keep that in mind while reading

it. I

> > hope

> > the tone of this post doesn't come across as being critical of

this group

> > because that is not my intention at all. It's just that I am

extremely

> > frustrated with my family situation at the present time, and I am

seeking

> > answers and advice.

> >

> > Most of the responses to the recent posts about adults with BPD

have been

> > along these lines: throw your adult BPD child out of your house

and don't

> > feel guilty about doing it - force them to make it on their own.

I

> > have a 21

> > year old daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD. While I agree

that

> > parents of BPDs deserve to live their lives in peace, I

personally

> > would feel

> > extremely guilty if I were to throw my daughter out of my house.

She has

> > developed such a terrible work record (because of BPD outbursts)

that no

> > employer is willing to hire her, she has no health insurance, she

is

> > incapable of remembering to take her medication on her own, and

she would

> > have nowhere else to go if I were to force her out of my house.

I

> > wouldn't

> > be able to live with myself if she were to get pregnant, get

addicted to

> > drugs, or commit suicide after I threw her out.

> >

> > As Randy pointed out recently, doctors are confident that BPD is

> > caused by a

> > defect in the wiring of the brain. In other words, there is a

> > physical cause

> > for the BPD condition. That knowledge only adds to my guilt. If

my

> > daughter

> > were paralyzed from the waist down (she isn't), would it be okay

for

> > me to

> > tell her that if she doesn't run a mile I will throw her out of

my

> > house?

> > Just how much control does a person with BPD have over their

condition,

> > anyway, and how realistic is it for us parents to expect our

adult BPD

> > children to hold down a good-paying job and make ends meet on

their own?

> > It's a tough, dangerous world out there and the high cost of

living these

> > days makes it difficult for non-BPD young adults to get started.

> > Imagine how

> > hard it must be for young adults with BPD to do the same.

> >

> > Someone recommended Tough Love International for " out of control "

kids

> > and

> > adult children. I'm wondering, is it really a good idea to lump

> > children and

> > adults with BPD in the same category as non-BPD people who

are " out of

> > control? " Can we expect a person with BPD to benefit from the

Tough Love

> > philosophy if BPDs have much less control over their actions than

> > non-BPDs?

> >

> > Thanks for taking the time to read this. Any comments or advice

you

> > have to

> > offer would be greatly appreciated.

> >

> > Tom

> >

> >

> >