Re: Gotta vent - sorry

[Guest guest]

Sounds like your having a really rough time. It can be so frustrating finding

the balance between everybodys needs sometimes and still finding time for

ourselves-which we need to be SANE parents. This may have nothing to do with it

but you mentioned that you were having your house painted. Did the increase in

hitting happen before or during the painting? The reason I ask is that my son

with a expressive language problem also has a problem with sensitivity to

chemicals...like paint...His behaviour would get so bad around paint that if the

school painted he would have to go on home instruction..his behaviour was

generally worse for 2 reasons...1 is the chemicals gave him headaches and also

caused cerebral responses...otherwise known as behaviours-and add the

frustration of not being able to tell us exactly what is going on...probably

because he had no idea..and viola....hell on two legs until the paint gassed

off. If we painted our house we had to have it done while we were on vacation

and use only certain paints.. May not have anything to do with what your son is

going through but it took us 5 years to find out what the problem was for sure

and I would hate not to say anything just in case. Hope you have a better week

and feel better soon

Annemarie

[ ] Gotta vent - sorry

Hi, all -

I'm having the worst time of it lately and I just need to vent.

Josh went back to school a couple of weeks ago after the winter

break and seems to be hitting even more. I keep telling myself he's

on the verge of some breakthrough - increased hitting or hitting the

floor when he couldn't walk or sit up were common when he was on the

verge of a developmental step. In the meantime, DH is starting to

think our beautiful 4 1/2 year old has a behavior disorder (I'm

ready to scream at that one!) so we're going around and around on

what to do. The behavior modification plan the school has been

using doesn't seem to be working at home and the communication from

school as to it's success or failure is ZILCH! They haven't said

squat about how it's going and I'm getting increasingly frustrated

at that. I keep asking in the notes I send almost everyday and I

get no response. Next step - yet another meeting.

Then there's the everyday communication frustration with Josh -

today was really bad. It's clear he's trying to tell me something

and usually I can figure it out. But DH and I have both been sick

with colds/sore throats and I haven't got the patience I normally

have so I'm getting frustrated with Josh and that makes him more

frustrated and then he starts hitting me. Today we were doing lunch

and things that normally don't bother me at all were driving me nuts

and I lost my temper/patience with him. We finished lunch as

quickly as possible, went to the bathroom and then I took him to the

foyer of the Easter Seals (where all this took place) and we sat and

talked. I told him I was tired and crabby, that he seemed tired and

crabby and asked him what happens when we're both tired and crabby -

we get really mad at each other ( " I maa " ). I told him we needed to

get some rest, but first hug and give a kiss. He leaned right into

me, gave me a kiss, a two-handed hug and we sat there for about 10

minutes, hugging, cuddling, rocking, and calming each other down -

it was really nice in an otherwise very frustrating day.

Then there's my mom - she got diagnosed last week with kidney

tumor - this on the heels of DH's father's death last month from

lung cancer. We are just a bit stressed out here in general!

She is going for more tests next Tuesday, then to the kidney guy

again on the 27th - if it turns out she's a candidate for surgery

(which she might not be if the other kidney can't handle everything

since she's a diabetic), then the whole kidney will have to be

removed. If she's not a candidate for surgery, don't know what's

next since kidney cancer doesn't respond to chemo or radiation. She

hasn't been sick more than a cold in 35 years and hates every second

of this, can't deal with it, won't deal with it, and is more excited

about her new stove than she is concerned with her situation. Plus,

with my having a cold I can't even go up to see her so I'm getting

all this via telephone only.

Then Josh's OT told me today that she's leaving - her last day is

next Tuesday. She and Easter Seals mutually agreed she was going to

leave - she may wind up going some other place local but may move

about 80 miles away. She's worked with Josh for over a year, knows

and loves him, he knows and loves her - this just sucks! (sorry for

the language) Easter Seals has hired someone but I'm hoping they

will rearrange the schedule of the head of the OT who also has

worked with Josh and knows him very well. His current OT and I just

stood there crying in her office today - I hate this.

Then DH was supposed to spend tonight with his mother (he's been

trying to spend one night a week with her since his dad's death -

kind of ease her into single living, help out, etc.) but I've had

such a rotten day all around, and with both Josh now and me sick,

that he decided to come home and now I feel guilty about him not

going to his mom's.

Then, we've been having the house painted- living room and

bathroom in particular since there was a little peeling paint on the

ceiling from a water leak we had some time ago. So the house is in

complete disarray and we have to get it all back in order by Monday

morning at 8:30 a.m. when a video crew comes to film Josh and us for

the Easter Seal telethon in March.

Then, there's my step-daughter - 15 1/2 years old and thinks she's

21. She lives during the week with her mother and comes here pretty

much every weekend. However, since she's been a teen, she wants to

spend more time in the other town - that's cool, that's what a teen

is supposed to do, spend time with friends, etc. Unfortunatly, she

hasn't got the wisdom to tell us in advance when she will be

spending the weekend in the other town so we never know what plans

are going to happen on the weekends - this weekend is one of those

times. Last weekend she said she thought she might be going to

Detroit with her mother - no one has told us whether that's going to

happen even though both DH and I have tried contacting her mother

and her about 20 times to find out since it would be nice is she

would be here for the filming - they would like the whole family to

participate.

Then, DH and I started on eDiets.com recently and, with all the

stress of my mom, etc., neither one of us has lost weight and I'm

really frustrated about that!

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Thanks for listening to whoever made it through this whole rant.

Sherry

[Guest guest]

I made it through! Poor thing! Sickness, a high maintenance son, a messy

house, guilt, and a teen-age step-daughter -- I'd want to run away!!! Ok,

but even you know it's going to get better. It WILL get better. In the

meantime, when you aren't sick anymore, try to grab an extended moment with

your husband - share some wine, dance to a song, anything, really just jump

in bed, because that will make you feel tons tons tons better to have him

by your side.

Good luck! I'm very impressed with your rant!

Betsy

>From: " ssilv2001 <ssilv48821@...> " <ssilv48821@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: [ ] Gotta vent - sorry

>Date: Fri, 17 Jan 2003 02:24:35 -0000

>

>Hi, all -

> I'm having the worst time of it lately and I just need to vent.

>Josh went back to school a couple of weeks ago after the winter

>break and seems to be hitting even more. I keep telling myself he's

>on the verge of some breakthrough - increased hitting or hitting the

>floor when he couldn't walk or sit up were common when he was on the

>verge of a developmental step. In the meantime, DH is starting to

>think our beautiful 4 1/2 year old has a behavior disorder (I'm

>ready to scream at that one!) so we're going around and around on

>what to do. The behavior modification plan the school has been

>using doesn't seem to be working at home and the communication from

>school as to it's success or failure is ZILCH! They haven't said

>squat about how it's going and I'm getting increasingly frustrated

>at that. I keep asking in the notes I send almost everyday and I

>get no response. Next step - yet another meeting.

[Guest guest]

Sherry! WOW, you are certainly going through a rough time, and venting

is probably one of the best therapies out there! I know it always makes

me feel better. I also wish I had some encouraging words, but know that

when you are the worst of times, it just has to get better. And finally,

if you haven't already heard this over and over, make time for yourself.

Harder said than done.

I have to tell you and everyone, 's therapy group started a " parents

night out " raffle. You fill out a form while waiting in their

lobby/waiting room with all of your kids names/ages....and they pick 5

families a month. On their given night (this month is Jan 20th), they

will watch ALL YOUR KIDS from 7:00 - 9:00 pm while you and spouse go out.

All the therapists will be there, including the owner to watch 5 families

worth of kids. And yes, we were selected for this month. Of course,

come March, will age out of early interventions, so this was good

timing. Great idea by these owners. They recognize the stress that

parents are going through and hope to help on all levels.

Take care! I truly hope things turn around for you.........Kim

[Guest guest]

Annemarie -

Didn't even think about the paint! I'll keep an eye on it and see

if the hitting decreases any. Thanks.

Sherry

> Sounds like your having a really rough time. It can be so

frustrating finding the balance between everybodys needs sometimes

and still finding time for ourselves-which we need to be SANE

parents. This may have nothing to do with it but you mentioned that

you were having your house painted. Did the increase in hitting

happen before or during the painting? The reason I ask is that my

son with a expressive language problem also has a problem with

sensitivity to chemicals...like paint...His behaviour would get so

bad around paint that if the school painted he would have to go on

home instruction..his behaviour was generally worse for 2

reasons...1 is the chemicals gave him headaches and also caused

cerebral responses...otherwise known as behaviours-and add the

frustration of not being able to tell us exactly what is going

on...probably because he had no idea..and viola....hell on two legs

until the paint gassed off. If we painted our house we had to have

it done while we were on vacation and use only certain paints.. May

not have anything to do with what your son is going through but it

took us 5 years to find out what the problem was for sure and I

would hate not to say anything just in case. Hope you have a better

week and feel better soon

> Annemarie

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Betsy -

DH and I are going to grab some time once the house is put back in

order. Then I'm running away to New York with a friend for the

weekend next week. First time I've flown in 10 years, a little

fearful but looking forward to it!

Sherry

> I made it through! Poor thing! Sickness, a high maintenance son,

a messy

> house, guilt, and a teen-age step-daughter -- I'd want to run

away!!! Ok,

> but even you know it's going to get better. It WILL get better.

In the

> meantime, when you aren't sick anymore, try to grab an extended

moment with

> your husband - share some wine, dance to a song, anything, really

just jump

> in bed, because that will make you feel tons tons tons better to

have him

> by your side.

> Good luck! I'm very impressed with your rant!

> Betsy

[Guest guest]

Kim -

What a fantastic idea for the therapists and center to do. I'm

going to suggest it to the Easter Seals folks and all the therapists

there. There used to be support group sessions at the ES center

with therapists and teachers babysitting but the funding fell

through. Maybe something like this would be a nice idea. Thanks.

Sherry

>

> I have to tell you and everyone, 's therapy group started

a " parents

> night out " raffle. You fill out a form while waiting in their

> lobby/waiting room with all of your kids names/ages....and they

pick 5

> families a month. On their given night (this month is Jan 20th),

they

> will watch ALL YOUR KIDS from 7:00 - 9:00 pm while you and spouse

go out.

> All the therapists will be there, including the owner to watch 5

families

> worth of kids. And yes, we were selected for this month. Of

course,

> come March, will age out of early interventions, so this

was good

> timing. Great idea by these owners. They recognize the stress

that

> parents are going through and hope to help on all levels.

>

> Take care! I truly hope things turn around for you.........Kim

[Guest guest]

Sherry: Thanks, we had our " parents night out " just last night, and I

definitely drank more than I ate. And it was tough to juggle my oldest

daugher's cheer practice with my younger daughters mandatory parent first

communion meeting, but somehow, we got all kids to the therapists center

and ran out of there before they turned around! When we picked them up,

all kids wanted to stay....the therapists ordered in pizza, played football

with the older kids, and had all of the toys for the younger kids.

Definitely bring up this idea to your group, it was a real treat! Kim

>Kim -

>What a fantastic idea for the therapists and center to do.  I'm

>going to suggest it to the Easter Seals folks and all the therapists

>there.  There used to be support group sessions at the ES center

>with therapists and teachers babysitting but the funding fell

>through.  Maybe something like this would be a nice idea.  Thanks.

>Sherry