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PUVAS, DEAR, and SET...

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PUVAS, DEAR, and SET are three techniques that can be used in

communicating with a BPD.

The acronym PUVAS stands for:

· Pay attention

· Understand fully

· Validate the BP's emotions

· Assert yourself with " My Reality Statement "

· Shift responsibility for the BPs feelings and actions

back to the BP.

You can read about PUVAS, along with Linehan's DEAR technique, in the

BPDCentral.com library at:

http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/library/thesea.htm

PUVAS is also in section 2 of the booklet titled " Love and Loathing:

Protecting Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner has

Borderline Personality Disorder " by Randi Kreger and Kim A. .

http://www.bpdcentral.com/books/loathing.shtml

SET, from Kreisman's book titled " I Hate You - Don't Leave Me " , is a

three-part communication method/technique that can be used in

interacting with a BP. The letters (SET) stand for Support, Empathy, and

Truth. The first stage, Support, is a personal statement of concern

focusing on your own feelings and desire to help. The second stage,

Empathy, is an acknowledgment of the BP's feelings. The third stage,

Truth, recognizes the existence of a problem and addresses more

practical issues of how to solve it.

Also, one must remember to use " I " statements, and try to not use " you "

statements -- as the BP may perceive " you " statements as blaming/shaming

and thus trigger their defenses (ie, projection, denial,

rationalization, splitting, raging, etc (SWOE, ch 3).

Its difficult to learn new ways of responding in attempting to

communicate with a BP but it could be worth the effort in the long run.

- Edith

List Manager & Gal Friday

WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

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