worried about siblings of

[Guest guest]

A recurring theme in a lot of our posts seems to be the fear about

how the dysfunction that a BP child brings to a family unit

negatively impacts the other children in the family. This is a very

big concern of mine. My 14 year old daughter has been at Willmar

RTC for 6 days now. She is having a miserable time and is begging

us to take her home. My other children ages 13,15,17 and 19 are

telling us that they don't want her to come back home until she is

better. They are sick of her cutting and threats of suicide and

their parents having to constantly deal with her issues. They don't

like us having to search her room and finding a pile of broken glass

and mirrors and disassembled razor blades. They know what a huge

financial concern it was for us when we ran out of insurance during

the middle of a 12 day hospital stay. They are tired of living with

a sibling that cannot be trusted to keep herself safe. I call and

check on Anika two or three times a day. When they let me talk to

her I tell her that we love her and encourage her to do her best and

learn from this experience. I can't live her life for her. We need

to parent these kids so that we are not rearranging our lives to

inadvertantly fuel their dysfunction. I refuse to allow my marriage

or the lives of my other children to suffer because of my 14 year

old daughters dysfunction. This may mean that she will be at

Willmar for a long time or that she may need to go and live in a

residential group home until she can make the necessary adjustments

in her life so that the rest of us are not held hostage.

My husband and I visited his parents overnight this weekend and had

a lovely time. We told them about what is going on with Anika and

assured them that we are coping just fine. We went out for dinner

and had a great time playing 500. Today we took the kids to church

and I took my 15 year old shopping for " sophisticated clothes " that

she needs for a youth in Government weekend and went out for her

favorite Italian food for lunch. My husband spent the afternoon

raking leaves with our 13 and 17 year old and then took them out for

chinese food and bought the new kitten that our youngest has been

lobbying for. It's crazy to sacrifice your relationship with

extended family, your spouse or your other chidren to totally be

there for a BPD child. I hope that I am coming across as realistic

and not uncaring. I do care about Anika. I check on her and pray

for her many times a day. I am not just not convinced that we are

what she needs to get better. It has occured to me that the fact

that the rest of us are functioning well (doing well in school and

our jobs and getting along well with each other) may feel like an

invalidating environment for her. I have no idea how long Anika

will be gone but am enjoying the peace in our home.