[FND Heart Network] Dear Teachers - Can We Talk?

[Guest guest]

PLEASE READ THIS and forward to anyone you know who works in the school system. This needs to be read by every principal, assist. principal, teacher, paraprofessional, guidance counselor, resource officer and anyone else that deals with children day to day at a school.

Regards,

Ven Sequenzia

President

Autism Society of America

State of Florida Chapter

[FND Heart Network] Dear Teachers - Can We Talk?

Dear Teachers – Can We Talk?

Rich La Belle, Executive Director

Family Network on Disabilities of Florida

This is a request to all of the teachers out there. Whether you think of yourself as teaching students with disabilities or not, I’d like just a couple of minutes of your time. You see, my soul has been troubled of late. I keep thinking about the statements of educational professionals in the O’Neill case in Sarasota. That’s the case where the teacher was ordered reinstated by an arbitrato

r after she was found to have “hit, hurt, and treated students … roughly in ways unrelated to the learning process,†engaging in a “pattern of abuse†of the students with disabilities who were assigned to her classroom.

This is what bothers me – one of the grounds that the school district based their firing of her on was the statements that she made to and about her students – statements that were belittling, humiliating, and dehumanizing. She admitted to saying about one of her students in front of another adult present that the student was just “sitting there sucking up oxygen†and that her mouth looked like – forgive me (and her) – a “buttholeâ€.

What happened to her because of these statements? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The arbitrator found that these types of statements were “observations†and “humor†and that there was no evidence that they were int

ended to be understood by the children about whom they were made. I thought, okay, he’s an arbitrator, not an educator, maybe it’s permissible as a legal technicality – a really, really big maybe. But, I thought, this conduct can’t and won’t be tolerated by other educational professionals. Right? Wrong.

This is what a speech language pathologist who was called to testify said about Ms. O’Neill’s statements: She said that Ms. O’Neill has a sarcastic sense of humor that would be “meaningful to people that are working in that environment†– i.e. teaching kids with disabilities. Despite this, however, she testified that Ms. O’Neill’s statements would not have been comprehended by her students, that they didn’t affect the way she cared for or taught her students, and that they served as a means of relieving the stress of a stressful job. A physical therapist who worked with Ms. O’Neill, Shirley Shaw, testified that: “We all have a sense of humor, and sometimes it can be a little dark, but honestly, that’s how we cope. When you consider what we have to do day in and day out, the limited amount of progress that we s

ee, how involved the students are, you know, it’s – for us, it doesn’t seem that off the wall, but I guess by some standards, I guess it just depends on what you know, what you’re used to, and what you have to deal with.â€

Wow.

This is what has my soul troubled. A rogue teacher, maybe burnt out, saying completely unacceptable things, an exception to the rule – I can understand that. What I can’t understand is how her actions can be defended by other professionals and excused as necessary to relieve stress because her job was so difficult.

So, here’s what I’d like to talk to you about: Do you think this kind of stuff – whether you call it observations,

or humor, or – whatever – is okay? That it’s acceptable for an educator to say something like this about their students? Whether they can hear/understand it or not? Is this appropriate and condoned professional behavior? For all of those who answer “noâ€, I’d like to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you very, very much.

For those of you who answered “yes†- that, even if it’s not really acceptable, it’s understandable, it’s justified, you can see easily how it happens, you’re okay with teachers and educators who do this getting a free pass - I’d like to continue our conversation. I’d like to ask you a simple question, one you absolutely know the answer to:

Do you have children?

=0

AIf you do, you also know the answer to my next question with every atom of your being:

How would you feel if someone who is supposed to teach,

nurture, and protect your child treated them like that?

I don’t care if your child does or doesn’t have disabilities. Let’s drop the “disabilities†tag for now. We’re talking about children and what is and is not an acceptable way to treat them. Children. Children who we – both of us – as parents have entrusted to our school system to be educated. Period. Can we talk about our kids like that, please? As just kids? Because we’re both parents.&nb

sp;

I understand that you may have a lot of “buts†coming – “but, they do have disabilitiesâ€; “but, they are differentâ€; “but, they are stressfulâ€; “but, a teacher can only take it for so longâ€; “but, they don’t really understand, so what does it matter?â€; “but, they don’t even feel itâ€; and a whole lot more. But, please humor me and let’s put those to the side for a second. I promise we’ll come back to them.

Can you tell me about your child? How did you choose their name? Did you name them after family? What makes them laugh? What’s their favorite food? Do they have a favorite toy? I’m really interested – I love kids. My wife and I have four – two girls, two boys. What are your dreams for your child? I’d li

ke to know those, too.

Can I tell you about my child? Not his diagnosis, or his medications, or his behaviors, or his disabilities. I want to tell you about my child – my gift from the Almighty. The repository of my hopes and dreams for the future. Do you think it’s odd that I’d talk about my child like that? If you do, just give me a couple of minutes. I want to tell you about my son’s favorite toy.

It’s a stuffed rabbit. His godparents gave it to him before he had a diagnosis – when he was just a baby, before he had a label. Our family calls the rabbit, with all due respect, “Mr. Bunnyâ€. When my son was little, his eyes would light up whenever he saw Mr. Bunny and he would laugh so hard you would just have to laugh with him. His laugh would start in his belly and work its way up and down his body until all of him was shaking with pure joy. Pure, unadulterated, joy. Jo

y that doesn’t know anything about “disabilitiesâ€.

My son was named after me and both of his grandfathers. Tradition, I guess. Our family is like that. My son has lots of favorite foods – lots. Maybe it’s all the spicy food my wife ate when she was pregnant, I don’t know. Lack of appetite is not something we’ve ever had to deal with.

Do you want to ask me what “happened†to my child? Why he has disabilities? Go ahead. I’ll answer you straight up. Why? I don’t know. I really don’t. Was it genetic? Don’t know. Environmental? Not sure. Did the fact that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck when he was born have anything to do with it? Maybe - we’ll never know. But – that word again – here’s the kicker: I don’t care. Because he’s my son. My wonderful, beautiful boy. That’s how I see him.

I’ll bet that’s how you see your child, too.

Wait - we left out dreams. That’s easy. I want my son to be happy. Simple, right? Maybe, maybe not. For my son to be happy, people will have to treat him with respect – period. For my son to be happy, he will have to have equal opportunities. For my son to be happy, he will have to be treated equally with his peers. I see your hand up and I hear your question – “but, what’s his disability?â€

Does it matter?

Whether or not you have kids, why did you become a teacher? I can tell you why my daughter became one – because she has a passion to work with children that can’t be satisfied any other way. She’s really good at it, too, even if I do say so as her father. It makes my heart leap with joy and pride when I see her with her students. I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I’ll bet that you became a teacher for reasons probably pretty close to my daughter’s. Because you have a passion to work with kids – to open up the world to them – that can’t be satisfied any other way.

When you decided that you wanted to be a teacher (how old were you?), did you ever imagine that you’d ever think it was okay to say that a student was just “sitting there sucking up oxygen� I’m going to go out on a limb again here and guess that you didn’t. I’m going to guess that, at that point, you couldn’t imagine anything like that would be acceptable.

So, what “happened� I’m thinking it wasn’t genetic. Was it environmental?

I’ve heard lately – including from my own daughter, the teacher – that it’s difficult to draw the line when it comes to corporal punishment. Are we going to ban even the most innocent contact between teachers and students because parents will sue at the drop of a hat?

I don’t do this often, but I’m going to speak on behalf of parents of children with disabilities as a whole. If that’s what you’re afraid of, let me put you at ease.

If you stroke my son’s head and comfort him when he’s upset, I’m not going to run to a lawyer’s office. I will get down on my knees and whisper prayers and blessings on your head from now until I draw my last breath. It gets pretty lonely sometimes as a parent and my son doesn’t get a lot of that from folks outside the family. We’ll take it wherever we can find it.

If you take my son’s head in your hands and look into his eyes – really look into his eyes – and see the boy beyond the disabilities, you will have no problems from me. That rushing sound that you will hear will be my sigh of relief because someone is willing to treat him with the dignity that he deserves.

If you believe in my son – if you believe in his potential – whether you can see it or not – I will count him and my family as among the blessed for having had you in his life. 0A

Will this help your school make AYP? I have no idea. But I do believe that, if you do this, you will setting up stores for yourself in the heaven that I believe in. The heaven from which I believe my boy came.

So, where do we draw the line? For now – just for now – let’s agree that we – all of us – know it when we see it. That may not be precise, but it works.

We know when we see kids being abused. We also know when we see these things – and we don’t say or do anything about it. I understand self defense (true self defense to protect yourself, not giving a 52 pound, seven year old a bloody lip or strapping a th

ree year old down to a chair). I don’t understand abuse, verbal or physical – and I’m willing to bet you don’t, either.

I have to tell you flat out – this has got to change. The attitudes that permit this, condone this – even if only by silence – have got to be eradicated from our schools. And it’s you who has got to help change them. It’s you who has to help break the cycle.

How, you say? Don’t engage in these behaviors and don’t stand by silently when you see others doing it. Speak up. Speak out. Even if you can’t – or won’t – do that, don’t ever, EVER, tell yourself that it’s okay to hit, slap, shove, pinch, punch, or scratch my child. Don’t think it’s funny or a stress reliever to call him names, mock him, ridicule him

, or humiliate him. Don’t think or act as if it’s acceptable to slam him into walls. Because it’s not. You know it and I know it. It’s not okay for either of our children – yours or mine – to be treated this way. By you or anyone else.

If you can’t do this – if you don’t believe this – please, leave the classroom. Now.

Before we end our discussion, let’s go back to the “buts†you had:

But, they do have disabilities and they are different – yes, they do, yes, they are, and yes, they’re entitled to equality and a=2

0free and appropriate public education under our laws.

But, they are stressful and a teacher can only take so much – then walk away. You are the adult. You don’t have to respond inappropriately to your students.

But, they don’t really understand, so what does it matter? Here’s something I learned when I was very young – grownups don’t make fun of little kids. Professionals who do this should not be able to keep their jobs.

But, they don’t even feel it – are you sure? How can that make it okay? And -

What if you’re wrong?

Believe it or not, I’m sure we want the same things for my child. We want him to learn and to be as independent as possible. Please. Let’s move beyond this. We as a society are better than this.

Thanks for your time. I enjoyed our conversation and I have one final request:

Stop hitting our kids. Now.

[Guest guest]

It's obvious R. La Belle put a lot of heart, mind and soul into this piece and I thank him for that. What is so heartbreaking and disgraceful is that he even had to write it. Parents of Special Needs children should not have to plead for teachers or society in general to treat their children as human beings. The fact that O'Neill is allowed to continue teaching for now, is an abomination and insult to all people with disabilities. It demonstrates that school districts do not have the best interests of their children at heart.Most Sp Needs teachers I know love what they do and teach with love and kindness, for those who don't PLEASE FIND A DIFFERENT JOB. FranSubject: [FND Heart Network] Dear Teachers - Can We Talk?To: VSequenzia@...Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 5:43 PM

PLEASE READ THIS and forward to anyone you know who works in the school system. This needs to be read by every principal, assist. principal, teacher, paraprofessional, guidance counselor, resource officer and anyone else that deals with children day to day at a school.

Regards,

Ven Sequenzia

President

Autism Society of America

State of Florida Chapter

[FND Heart Network] Dear Teachers - Can We Talk?

Dear Teachers – Can We Talk?

Rich La Belle, Executive Director

Family Network on Disabilities of Florida

This is a request to all of the teachers out there. Whether you think of yourself as teaching students with disabilities or not, I’d like just a couple of minutes of your time. You see, my soul has been troubled of late. I keep thinking about the statements of educational professionals in the O’Neill case in Sarasota. That’s the case where the teacher was ordered reinstated by an arbitrato

r after she was found to have “hit, hurt, and treated students … roughly in ways unrelated to the learning process,†engaging in a “pattern of abuse†of the students with disabilities who were assigned to her classroom.

This is what bothers me – one of the grounds that the school district based their firing of her on was the statements that she made to and about her students – statements that were belittling, humiliating, and dehumanizing. She admitted to saying about one of her students in front of another adult present that the student was just “sitting there sucking up oxygen†and that her mouth looked like – forgive me (and her) – a “buttholeâ€.

What happened to her because of these statements? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The arbitrator found that these types of statements were “observations†and “humor†and that there was no evidence that they were int

ended to be understood by the children about whom they were made. I thought, okay, he’s an arbitrator, not an educator, maybe it’s permissible as a legal technicality – a really, really big maybe. But, I thought, this conduct can’t and won’t be tolerated by other educational professionals. Right? Wrong.

This is what a speech language pathologist who was called to testify said about Ms. O’Neill’s statements: She said that Ms. O’Neill has a sarcastic sense of humor that would be “meaningful to people that are working in that environment†– i.e. teaching kids with disabilities. Despite this, however, she testified that Ms. O’Neill’s statements would not have been comprehended by her students, that they didn’t affect the way she cared for or taught her students, and that they served as a means of relieving the stress of a stressful job. A physical therapist who worked with Ms. O’Neill, Shirley Shaw, testified that: “We all have a sense of humor, and sometimes it can be a little dark, but honestly, that’s how we cope. When you consider what we have to do day in and day

out, the limited amount of progress that we s

ee, how involved the students are, you know, it’s – for us, it doesn’t seem that off the wall, but I guess by some standards, I guess it just depends on what you know, what you’re used to, and what you have to deal with.â€

Wow.

This is what has my soul troubled. A rogue teacher, maybe burnt out, saying completely unacceptable things, an exception to the rule – I can understand that. What I can’t understand is how her actions can be defended by other professionals and excused as necessary to relieve stress because her job was so difficult.

So, here’s what I’d like to talk to you about: Do you think this kind of stuff – whether you call it observations,

or humor, or – whatever – is okay? That it’s acceptable for an educator to say something like this about their students? Whether they can hear/understand it or not? Is this appropriate and condoned professional behavior? For all of those who answer “noâ€, I’d like to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you very, very much.

For those of you who answered “yes†- that, even if it’s not really acceptable, it’s understandable, it’s justified, you can see easily how it happens, you’re okay with teachers and educators who do this getting a free pass - I’d like to continue our conversation. I’d like to ask you a simple question, one you absolutely know the answer to:

Do you have children?

=0

AIf you do, you also know the answer to my next question with every atom of your being:

How would you feel if someone who is supposed to teach,

nurture, and protect your child treated them like that?

I don’t care if your child does or doesn’t have disabilities. Let’s drop the “disabilities†tag for now. We’re talking about children and what is and is not an acceptable way to treat them. Children. Children who we – both of us – as parents have entrusted to our school system to be educated. Period. Can we talk about our kids like that, please? As just kids? Because we’re both parents. & nb

sp;

I understand that you may have a lot of “buts†coming – “but, they do have disabilitiesâ€; “but, they are differentâ€; “but, they are stressfulâ€; “but, a teacher can only take it for so longâ€; “but, they don’t really understand, so what does it matter?â€; “but, they don’t even feel itâ€; and a whole lot more. But, please humor me and let’s put those to the side for a second. I promise we’ll come back to them.

Can you tell me about your child? How did you choose their name? Did you name them after family? What makes them laugh? What’s their favorite food? Do they have a favorite toy? I’m really interested – I love kids. My wife and I have four – two girls, two boys. What are your dreams for your child? I’d li

ke to know those, too.

Can I tell you about my child? Not his diagnosis, or his medications, or his behaviors, or his disabilities. I want to tell you about my child – my gift from the Almighty. The repository of my hopes and dreams for the future. Do you think it’s odd that I’d talk about my child like that? If you do, just give me a couple of minutes. I want to tell you about my son’s favorite toy.

It’s a stuffed rabbit. His godparents gave it to him before he had a diagnosis – when he was just a baby, before he had a label. Our family calls the rabbit, with all due respect, “Mr. Bunnyâ€. When my son was little, his eyes would light up whenever he saw Mr. Bunny and he would laugh so hard you would just have to laugh with him. His laugh would start in his belly and work its way up and down his body until all of him was shaking with pure joy. Pure, unadulterated, joy. Jo

y that doesn’t know anything about “disabilitiesâ€.

My son was named after me and both of his grandfathers. Tradition, I guess. Our family is like that. My son has lots of favorite foods – lots. Maybe it’s all the spicy food my wife ate when she was pregnant, I don’t know. Lack of appetite is not something we’ve ever had to deal with.

Do you want to ask me what “happened†to my child? Why he has disabilities? Go ahead. I’ll answer you straight up. Why? I don’t know. I really don’t. Was it genetic? Don’t know. Environmental? Not sure. Did the fact that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck when he was born have anything to do with it? Maybe - we’ll never know. But – that word again – here’s the kicker: I don’t care. Because he’s my son. My wonderful, beautiful boy. That’s how I see him.

I’ll bet that’s how you see your child, too.

Wait - we left out dreams. That’s easy. I want my son to be happy. Simple, right? Maybe, maybe not. For my son to be happy, people will have to treat him with respect – period. For my son to be happy, he will have to have equal opportunities. For my son to be happy, he will have to be treated equally with his peers. I see your hand up and I hear your question – “but, what’s his disability?â€

Does it matter?

Whether or not you have kids, why did you become a teacher? I can tell you why my daughter became one – because she has a passion to work with children that can’t be satisfied any other way. She’s really good at it, too, even if I do say so as her father. It makes my heart leap with joy and pride when I see her with her students. I’m going to go out on a limb here, but I’ll bet that you became a teacher for reasons probably pretty close to my daughter’s. Because you have a passion to work with kids – to open up the world to them – that can’t be satisfied any other way.

When you decided that you wanted to be a teacher (how old were you?), did you ever imagine that you’d ever think it was okay to say that a student was just “sitting there sucking up oxygen� I’m going to go out on a limb again here and guess that you didn’t. I’m going to guess that, at that point, you couldn’t imagine anything like that would be acceptable.

So, what “happened� I’m thinking it wasn’t genetic. Was it environmental?

I’ve heard lately – including from my own daughter, the teacher – that it’s difficult to draw the line when it comes to corporal punishment. Are we going to ban even the most innocent contact between teachers and students because parents will sue at the drop of a hat?

I don’t do this often, but I’m going to speak on behalf of parents of children with disabilities as a whole. If that’s what you’re afraid of, let me put you at ease.

If you stroke my son’s head and comfort him when he’s upset, I’m not going to run to a lawyer’s office. I will get down on my knees and whisper prayers and blessings on your head from now until I draw my last breath. It gets pretty lonely sometimes as a parent and my son doesn’t get a lot of that from folks outside the family. We’ll take it wherever we can find it.

If you take my son’s head in your hands and look into his eyes – really look into his eyes – and see the boy beyond the disabilities, you will have no problems from me. That rushing sound that you will hear will be my sigh of relief because someone is willing to treat him with the dignity that he deserves.

If you believe in my son – if you believe in his potential – whether you can see it or not – I will count him and my family as among the blessed for having had you in his life. 0A

Will this help your school make AYP? I have no idea. But I do believe that, if you do this, you will setting up stores for yourself in the heaven that I believe in. The heaven from which I believe my boy came.

So, where do we draw the line? For now – just for now – let’s agree that we – all of us – know it when we see it. That may not be precise, but it works.

We know when we see kids being abused. We also know when we see these things – and we don’t say or do anything about it. I understand self defense (true self defense to protect yourself, not giving a 52 pound, seven year old a bloody lip or strapping a th

ree year old down to a chair). I don’t understand abuse, verbal or physical – and I’m willing to bet you don’t, either.

I have to tell you flat out – this has got to change. The attitudes that permit this, condone this – even if only by silence – have got to be eradicated from our schools. And it’s you who has got to help change them. It’s you who has to help break the cycle.

How, you say? Don’t engage in these behaviors and don’t stand by silently when you see others doing it. Speak up. Speak out. Even if you can’t – or won’t – do that, don’t ever, EVER, tell yourself that it’s okay to hit, slap, shove, pinch, punch, or scratch my child. Don’t think it’s funny or a stress reliever to call him names, mock him, ridicule him

, or humiliate him. Don’t think or act as if it’s acceptable to slam him into walls. Because it’s not. You know it and I know it. It’s not okay for either of our children – yours or mine – to be treated this way. By you or anyone else.

If you can’t do this – if you don’t believe this – please, leave the classroom. Now.

Before we end our discussion, let’s go back to the “buts†you had:

But, they do have disabilities and they are different – yes, they do, yes, they are, and yes, they’re entitled to equality and a=2

0free and appropriate public education under our laws.

But, they are stressful and a teacher can only take so much – then walk away. You are the adult. You don’t have to respond inappropriately to your students.

But, they don’t really understand, so what does it matter? Here’s something I learned when I was very young – grownups don’t make fun of little kids. Professionals who do this should not be able to keep their jobs.

But, they don’t even feel it – are you sure? How can that make it okay? And -

What if you’re wrong?

Believe it or not, I’m sure we want the same things for my child. We want him to learn and to be as independent as possible. Please. Let’s move beyond this. We as a society are better than this.

Thanks for your time. I enjoyed our conversation and I have one final request:

Stop hitting our kids. Now.