Re: broken heart

[Guest guest]

Wow....I know so well your heart's pain...I get my hopes up every time

Kendall does better....only to have them dashed again. She, like your son, I am

sure....had so much promise......you do feel so alone sometimes...unless a

parent

is going through it they cannot understand. I'm here if you want to talk.

Jodi

[Guest guest]

Janna,

Hi my name is Donna I'm the mother of 23 year old daughter with BPD. SO I to

understand what you are going through. HI Jodi.. Hope things are going better

for you with Kendell. sorry we haven't had the opp. to talk on the phone yet..

I wanted to tell Janna that Zoloft with kill any type of sex drive..so will

paxil.. unfortunately most antidepressants kill that drive.

I know about eating disorders and I know how tough that is. This with my

daughter, after years of some of the worst problems and the worst abuse..

including physical abuse towards me at the hands of my daughter have gotten alot

better.. I can't believe that shes the same girl..sometimes she starts to rage,

but

I won't have it, so she stops and if need be she leaves..gets over her

problem and then reapproaches me again. she knows what my boundaries are. and

believe me that for the longest time I had none. and infact took a class on

boundaries and even after I graduate from the class, I felt that I couldn't

implement

them and started the class over, after two more weeks of classes, a lot

happened... I mean to much to really go into here, but I went through the

wringer..

Nervous break down and moved out of the house..So much.. If I could ever sit

and write it all out, I know it would help so many.. today I am not the same

person...I have always loved my daughter more than life it's self.. Always gave

and gave..what ever she needed and wanted..I still love her the same, I feel

sad for her when she's in pain.. but the pain usually comes to her as a result

of something she did, or a consequence I know she has issues.. And someday she

will have to deal with them only I am no longer allowing myself to be the

target of her rage.. I can honestly I am so happy now. I have a standing lunch

date with here twice a month.. and we do things together. And I will baby sit

for her every now and then, but I have been very sick.. blood transfusions,

leukemia and tests and getting ready for bone marrow biopsy and bone marrow

transplant.. She is a lot easier on me.. she knows that if the outcome of

something

that happens is going to end the same as before it happened then don't call

mom.. When she wants to change her life and is serious about it.. then by all

means call mom..but she is working hard, loves her job. and is a good mom.. most

of the time..I am proud of her and she knows it..I;'m no longer her target

and no longer her saviour..Things have been really good.. and like I said we've

come along ways..when I read so many of your posts here I just want to talk to

all of you in person and tell you how things changed and how happy you can be

and how your kids, young or older can start to feel better about themselves

and make progress and be proud of themselves.. the prouder they are the more

they can do for themselves the happier they become.. the more independent they

become and more in control of their own destiny.. Like i said i am amazed at

how far my daughter has come.. seems most of the time like a different person...

my little girl whom I once knew.. I love seeing that..The warmth that it

brings to my heart is wonderful...Anyway.. I want to tell all of you that there

really is hope... You have a lot to do with how thing go with your kids.. but it

all depends on how things get handled.. ofcourse all our kids are not

alike..some will have to be handled different then others..But we went through

Drugs,

alcohol, the police, physical violence, pregnancy, battering boy friends. you

name it we went through it.. also cutting..and just so much..There is

hope..and I wish you all the very best in this, because it is a very tough

thing,

this illness. you have to stay strong.. i didn't i feel completely apart, then I

found my ground.. solid ground.. and I am now standing firm and standing tall.

and believe it or not so is my daughter.. we have down days.. but she has to

handle it..and choose to make her own live wonderful..we hold the key to our

happiness, sometimes we have to be shone and sometimes forced through

consqences.. take care to you all.... finally to all the parents.. first and

foremost

take care of you!!! treat yourself good.. and never ever believe that you

caused this because you did not. Take care...Bless you all... Donna

[Guest guest]

Amy,

You are in my thoughts..that letter I wrote had you and other in mind..please

hang on.. i can't promise there will be recovery, but i know that things can

get better. You are not alone.. May of us are going through or have been where

you are now.. take care of yourself.. hang in there..Donna

[Guest guest]

For me, the only way out of the real and repetitive grief we parents of

BPDs feel, is to express it as it comes up. Hard to do when we find

very few people who " get it " . It's good that you tell us, who do

understand, and that you treat yourself with utmost kindness today. I

hope you have at least one person nearby in whom you can confide and

receive support. A good cry helps me, this grief is in our pores.

I haven't found any way around the " getting my hopes up " . I'm not

going to stop wanting my daughter, now 41yo, to have some of life's

benefits. When she seems to gain a foothold, I am so happy for her,

and when she loses ground, I weep. However, I have come to grips with

the nature of this illness, and have mostly stopped blaming or feeling

responsible. So my weeping trickles out now, where it once came in big

gushes, and was mixed in with anger and shame and confusion. That's

progress! I found that the more I could deal with what is, the better

support I became for my daughter. She hated it when I expressed what

she called " pity " for her, and has never yet been able to join me in

any acknowledgment of her limited life.

Your son is still so young, I think it is very normal for you to be

assaulted regularly by the difference between your normal hopes and

dreams for his adult life, and the realities of it. It hurts so badly

to keep seeing that. Thank goodness you can say you've done and are

doing the best you can with him. Maybe it's even harder now that more

of his life is in his hands than in yours. And maybe your focus these

days can shift a bit, to be sure you do the best you can for you,

another mother with a broken heart.

Take extra care of you, and know that we hear what suffering you have

now. Love, v

> I have written once before.  My 21 year old son has some qualities

> of BPD and some of a million other things including disordered

> eating, depression, chemical sensitivities, total isolation etc.

> What I am feeling today, no matter what his diagnoses are, is a

> broken heart for what he will probably never be or have.  His story

> is not what is important here - I am doing and have done the best I

> can with him - it is the terrible grieving that I go through when he

> has a dive and I realize that once again I had gotten my hopes up.

>

> At least when I read posts here, I know that every parent knows what

> I am talking about.  If only this were cancer or dibetes. other

> parents would understand. But when the brain is sick in its

> thinking and feeling, people still have that stigma that makes it

> hard to reach out.  I have been going through this for 5 years and

> although sometimes it is much easier to deal with, I have those days

> when it feels fresh and new and overwelming that he will probably

> never have a normal life and will never love anyone or have close

> realtionships.

>

> I just don't feel like  i want to be so alone today.  Can anyone

> write back?

>

>

>

> Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner .

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table of contents, see

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

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