Re: unfair treatment of apraxic son

[Guest guest]

Honestly and with all my heart, I urge you to call the state Department of

Education as well as Division of Youth and Family Services. As far as I am

concerned, this teacher crossed the line, big time. I have experienced

frustration as well at therapists and teachers who cross the line and have made

it clear

that I will not permit my child to be treated without dignity. I will not

permit my child to be abused. Our children have enough problems without being

mistreated. This woman should be fired. I would also contact the

Superintendent of your school district and Board of Ed. members. ly, if it

were me,

I would take him out of this negative environment immediately. What if there

is more going on that you don't even know about? Our children cannot be

forced to do tasks but should be positively encouraged with positive

reinforcement.

By making the task appear fun, the child will be encouraged to do it. If

they don't, hand over hand with positive reinforcement such as " yeah, you did

it! " is the way to go, not negative punitive measures.

I wish you luck, and feel free to email me directly at aigjr@...

Carolyn from NJ

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/28/2003 10:50:36 AM Eastern Standard Time,

mjsb34@... writes:

so she told me she was holding him down

for 30 minutes.first i have never held him down for 30 mins

Did she physically hold him down?

If she did, I`m pretty sure it is against the law to restrain him against his

will. How awful for you to have this happen. File with your state department

of education. In the PRISE book you will find a compliant investigation form

fill it out and send it in. That treatment is unacceptable.

Dana

`s mom 4-ACC, SOD, HYDRO(SHUNTED), CHIARI(DECOMPRESSED),

SBO,GTUBE,SEIZURES,CDLS..and a VERY smart cookie!!!

ALSO, ALI 6, MIKE 15,JOHN 17, AND AMANDA 18

WIFE TO KEVIN-who is battling cancer

[Guest guest]

What a horrible experience for your son. I would recap the experience

in writing requesting the educational value of forcing a child to do

something that he may not be able to do and why a hand over hand

approach wasn't done to facilitate the activity?

I would also ask for a potty training plan written into his IEP.

Toileting is considered a self help skill and if he needs an aide to

help him then by all means request that too. I don't believe in

frustrating and humiliating a child. 45 minutes is beyond a

reasonable amount of time to even leave a child in timeout. What was

the educatuional value there?

Depending upon how strong you feel perhaps you want to start checking

out other programs and ask to have him removed from the class. If a

school is not willing to take parental input and basically dismisses

your concerns that spells trouble.

I would CC the Director of Special Ed (if she is different from the

principal) and also the superintendent. Keep the letter from being

accusatory just factual and looking for plan that will work. If

necassary bring an advocate to your next meeting.

They must respond to your letter within a specified timeframe.

Good luck.

denise

--- In , " mjsb34 " <mjsb34@y...>

wrote:

> my son who just turned 6 is in a self contained class in public

> school.when i went to pick him up the other day his teacher was

> trying to convince him to bacically put a puzzle together .she had

a

> placemat laid out with pictures of a plate fork spoon etc. she was

> trying to get him to put a real plate spoon etc. in the appropriate

> place .he refused to do it so she told me she was holding him down

> for 30 minutes.first i have never held him down for 30 mins

A WEEK BEFORE THIS INCIDENT SHE PUT HIM IN THE BATHROOM AND TOLD HIM

TO CLEAN HIMSELF AFTER HE POOPED IN HIS

> PANTS .HE DOES EVEN GO TO POTTY BY HIMSELF AND HAS NEVER WIPED

> HIMSELF.SHE CALLED US AND TOLD US TO COME TO THE SCHOOL AND SHE

> HERSELF TOLD US SHE LEFT HIM IN THE BATHROOM FOR 45MIN.SHE SAID HE

> CRIED THE WHOLE TIME BUT (NOT REAL TEARS SHE SAID).HOW HUMILIATING

TO

> MY SON AND THE WORST THING IS THAT IF SHE DIDNT TELL ME (OUT OF

GUILT

> I GUESS)we would never know .that makes me very sad.by the way to

> make matters worse shes the best teacher in the world awards and

> everything to proove it. ha ha! any way i would love to hear

> honest opinions .

[Guest guest]

<audible sigh>... I hate these kinds of situations. You parents have

to know this... within the school setting, people are encouraged to

take a formal course in how to restrain kids. Once people learn how

to do this they are then much more likely to use restraints at

inappropriate times. I had this course, too and after reading

information at the CIBRA website (do a google on it type CIBRA and

restraint or Children Injured By Restraints and Aversives), I was so

glad that I never did actually restrain a child physically. The

problem with these courses is that even though they tell people that

you only use the basket hold, etc. in times where the child is at

risk of harming themselves or others (which seems appropriate to me),

people then take this information and use it as a punishment for kids

who are not cooperating or doing what they are told.

With the situation you described, when a child refuses to do a task,

time out would be a more appropriate way to deal with it rather than

holding a child down. These poor kids can go through post traumatic

stress disorder as a result of being physically restrained like this.

Imagine how you would feel if someone bigger than you held you in

place for that long. What's worse is that I have read of adults

saying things like " I love you " to the child as a way to reassure

them. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

The " training " they refer to basically means that you have completed

the course, and now you are a card-carrying restrainer and if you get

sued, the people who designed the course will come and testify on

your behalf. Seriously. That is what is going on.

I would call an emergency IEP meeting and ask for a FBA -- a

functional behavior analysis. The thing is, if THEY feel that he

is " so bad and naughty " that he has to be physically RESTRAINED then

they need to be doing the parts of the IEP that deal with behavior

analysis and that means an FBA and looking at what are the

antecedents to the behavior, etc.

The next IEP should also state what procedures are to be followed

when he does something " wrong " , and if you don't agree to restraints,

do not let them list it and do not sign the IEP.

I would also look into getting a PAVE advocate to go through all of

this with you.

Perhaps the CIBRA website will have some other information for you to

look at, too.

Please keep us posted...

W

--- In , " mjsb34 " <mjsb34@y...>

wrote:

> my son who just turned 6 is in a self contained class in public

> school.when i went to pick him up the other day his teacher was

> trying to convince him to bacically put a puzzle together .she had

a

> placemat laid out with pictures of a plate fork spoon etc. she was

> trying to get him to put a real plate spoon etc. in the appropriate

> place .he refused to do it so she told me she was holding him down

> for 30 minutes.first i have never held him down for 30 mins .let me

> back up,she had his arms wrapped crossways behind his back holding

> him.she said it was because he has kicking (weve never had a

kicking

> problem)ALSO

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your response. THe principle has since informed us

that teachers are trained to restrain a child to protect themselves

or the child. The problem however was she was not restraininf him

because he was voulant or angry but because he would not comply. He

was angry because he was being restrained.

In a message dated 11/28/2003 10:50:36 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> mjsb34@y... writes:

> so she told me she was holding him down

> for 30 minutes.first i have never held him down for 30 mins

>

> Did she physically hold him down?

> If she did, I`m pretty sure it is against the law to restrain him

against his

> will. How awful for you to have this happen. File with your state

department

> of education. In the PRISE book you will find a compliant

investigation form

> fill it out and send it in. That treatment is unacceptable.

> Dana

[Guest guest]

Hi and thankyou for your quick response. What is a Pave advocate?

The problem was not with behavior but with non compliance and

restraint causing bad behavior. My wife and are totally distraught

over this situation and are now considering homeschooling for or son

next year.

>

> I would also look into getting a PAVE advocate to go through all of

> this with you.

>

> Perhaps the CIBRA website will have some other information for you

to

> look at, too.

>

> Please keep us posted...

>

> W

[Guest guest]

This is 's husband. I went to talk with the Prricnciple the

next day after this happened. did not come because Sully had

therapy that day and also she was totally disgusted with the whole

situation. I explained everything that had happened as I had heard it

and the principle wrote everything down. She then proceeded to, just

as I expected, by defended everything the teacher had done by

explaining the teacher was trained to restrain children for thier

safety. She told me continually about how good a teacher his teacher

was and all the great things she had done for her students. I Told

her I expected her to take up for her teacher but that I believed

everything my wife said and that no matter what she or the teacher

said her actions were inapropriate. I also informed here that the

purpose of our meeting was not to discuss he said she said scenarios

but to tell her what had occurred and to inform her that our son

would not be attending that school any longer. She then handed me a

number of someone we could contact for relocation. <ARGGGGHHHH>

These people make me so mad. We are so upset by all of this. I have

talked to my wife about home schooling Sully next year and taken him

back to his old teacher (who was wonderful) to finish up this school

year. Man we are so dissapointed with the public school system and

there total, protect our own, attitudes. We have fought with them at

every turn since sully began to go there for special eduaction

besides a few very dedicated awsome people most are about just doing

the job. i say ENOUGH already. We are tired of beating our heads

against the wall for substandard education. Anyway sorry for the rant

but that is how we feel. We do welcome all of ya'lls opinions on the

matter. And thank you, thank you, thank you, for all of your quick

replies. It is great to know there are people out there that care. WE

do not know where to go from here. Should we send a copy of excactly

what happened to all the officials of education and try and get this

on her record as some of you have suggested or should we let this go

and try and find a good teacher for our son? Please your responses

are very apreciated.

and

[Guest guest]

Oh yes, I realize what you were saying originally-- that your son was

simply not compliant-- he was not acting out, not aggressive, or

anything. And that is EXACTLY where what they are doing is

discriminatory against his special education status (I'm assuming

that this teacher was a special ed teacher that did this to your

son?). Think of it this way, in a regular education classroom, if

ny doesn't want to do his math and refuses, have you ever seen a

regular education teacher put the student into a " hold " ? No. They

use other techniques to get the child to complete their work or they

institute other consequences like time-out, no recess, or trip to the

principal's office. But think of all the special ed classrooms out

there where there are kids refusing to do what they were told to do,

and the teacher, instead of using other techniques, decides to put

the student in a restraining hold as punishment, as a consequence for

not doing what they are told. This is wrong!

The training I had was called CPI (Crisis Prevention Institute), and

it is used in our district and as a result, I have seen people resort

to using the restraining holds much sooner than if they had never had

the training at all. Instead of using other means to calm down a

child they are quick to jump into a restraining hold. And that is

where it becomes discriminatory. Regular Ed teachers do not

routinely do this to their students--it is only in special ed that

kids are being subjected to this.

What is a PAVE advocate? Pave stands for Parents Actively involved

in Education or something like that. You can do a google search--

type in PAVE advocate and then your state initials and see if

anything comes up. These are parents who know what the rules and

regs are within the school system and they will go with you to the

meetings to advocate for the child. To make sure that things are

followed properly and that you as a parent do not get pushed around

because you simply do not know all the ins and outs. They do this

for free, I believe.

I brought up the FBA (Functional Behavior Analysis) mainly so that

you know that IF they are routinely restraining kids, then they need

to, as required by law, do an FBA because if the refusal to comply

behavior is apparently impacting him educationally to the point where

they decide to jump on him and do a restraining hold, then THEY are

negligent for not having done an FBA. I totally understand what you

are saying-- that he is not violent until they put him in the

restraint. My gosh, he's only six years old--six year olds normally

will refuse to do a task when they've had enough. Refusal is a

normal six year old behavior and one that can be worked through

without resorting to restraints. So I am just saying it to give you

a bit of ammunition-- ask them how many times he's been held and if

it's more than once, then I'd say " so when were you planning on doing

the FBA because the way I understand it, when behavior impedes the

child's learning, then you have to look at the behavior more closely

and it has to be a part of the IEP! " .

But at this point, I would not blame you if you wanted to walk away

and homeschool. I would however not do that until you've made ONE

GREAT BIG STINK about this in all the right places. Meaning, the

Director of Special Ed, the Superintendent of the school district,

the school board, and potentially, the media. Think of the

headline " Parents Feel Forced to Choose Homeschooling Because Child

is Physically Traumatized at School " . And that's how it is-- it is

traumatic! They say it's not because it's people they know doing the

holding, well, bullhockey! Imagine your spouse holding you against

your will for 30 minutes. Wouldn't you walk away from that situation

feeling at the very least, extremely stressed out?? Stress also does

very negative things to the nervous system. I would not send him

back to school until it is in a written IEP agreement that they are

to only use timeouts, removal of privileges, and trip to the

principal's office as consequences--NO restraints.

I would also document any behaviors of acting out or anything out of

the ordinary that you see from your child over the next couple of

months (as potentially related to the trauma from this).

W

--- In , " mjsb34 " <mjsb34@y...>

wrote:

> Hi and thankyou for your quick response. What is a Pave advocate?

> The problem was not with behavior but with non compliance and

> restraint causing bad behavior. My wife and are totally distraught

> over this situation and are now considering homeschooling for or

son

> next year.

>

[Guest guest]

I just came in and wanted to quick answer some of the messages

before I crash!

First of all to and , you received some awesome advice

already from parents and professionals -but there are a few other

points I wanted to make.

I agree with that there would be appropriate times that a

teacher may need to restrain a child for his own safety and the

safety of others -so that will be the excuse even if you are

positive that he was never violent (we all believe you -we also know

how things are twisted when push comes to shove) and the writing is

on the wall as you know since the teacher said (as quoted in your

first post) " she said it was because he has kicking (weve never had

a kicking problem "

So knowing already the game they are going to play here...I would

approach this using the key points le laid out -that he is not

violent and has never been restrained by anyone, that he has been

going to school since he was 3 (so for three years), and does not

have a history of being violent or having behavior problems since

starting school or before -either in or out of school, and the

teacher did not tell you when you came to pick him up that he was

being violent she was trying to get him to do what he was told. I

would get documentation ready -you have already written much of your

story and complaints here -so put them all in letters and start

documenting daily the updates of who you called, what you were told,

etc. So start a diary for this. I would also in addition to any

past evaluations (which typically cover the child's personality)

contact all former teachers, therapists, and any other professionals

that worked with your son to tell them what happened and ask them if

they are willing to write up something on your son's behalf and

their experience in working with him. Contact your child's

pediatrician and do the same -if you have a developmental

pediatrician that works with your son (or neurologist) or two -do

the same with them. Now it's no longer your word against the

teacher of the year from heck -it's your child's history -and that's

important. I would also search your school district/state

guidelines for restraint in addition to what recommended which

is excellent advice -just in case there are specific adaptations to

the laws for your district. (don't know enough about this -but just

cover your butt)

So your question now is no longer why was your child restrained -

your question is what is going on in this classroom where a child

who has no history of any behavioral problems from anyone at anytime

all of a sudden is acting in such a way that he's viewed as being a

possible danger to himself or others? It's showing that their

program is extremely questionable and detrimental. Then if the

teacher claims that he was not acting dangerous -that she was just

trying to get him to do his work -you then document that which makes

what she did illegal and dangerous. I think that the National Child

Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453 may want to know about this. I did a

quick search and found this quote for you:

" As responsible adults we have a moral responsibility to look out

for a child's welfare. Their physical and emotional health - even

their very lives - depend on the guidance they receive from parents,

relatives, guardians, teachers., etc. Tragically, there are adults

who misuse their power, who turn the child's life into a living

hell. "

http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/39/300/

The bathroom part is something the Board of Health may want to know

about in addition to the National Child Abuse Hotline. " HE DOES

EVEN GO TO POTTY BY HIMSELF AND HAS NEVER WIPED

HIMSELF.SHE CALLED US AND TOLD US TO COME TO THE SCHOOL AND SHE

HERSELF TOLD US SHE LEFT HIM IN THE BATHROOM FOR 45MIN.SHE SAID HE

CRIED THE WHOLE TIME BUT (NOT REAL TEARS SHE SAID).HOW HUMILIATING

TO

MY SON AND THE WORST THING IS THAT IF SHE DIDNT TELL ME (OUT OF

GUILT

I GUESS) "

Awhile back a parent posted how her child was locked in a bathroom

with the lights out as punishment and there were quite a few posts

with great advice to this parent then too. I'll research more and

get back to you. You may not want to rush to homeschool -you may

have the proof you need to prove your child needs to be removed from

this detrimental environment at once -and placed in out of district

placement. In addition -I'm sure the local news would be quite

interested in learning more about this story and the teacher of the

year...from heck.

I'm sure you read this?

" MELANIE LYON figured Barnstable public schools had special

strategies to teach her son , who has autism and can barely

speak.

....When she found out that included pushing him face-down on the

floor, pressing his hands against his back and straddling him, her

confidence turned to outrage. The Marstons Mills mother thought

physical restraint was only used on students who were violently out-

of-control.

" The school system said they only use a restraint if the child is in

danger of hurting himself or someone else, " she said after viewing a

video of an incident involving her then 11-year-old.

" But the teacher looked right at the camera and said if

he's 'noncompliant' for five minutes, we're going into a floor

restraint. That's for not doing his work. It's not for hitting

anybody. If I did that to , they'd put me in jail. It's

abusive. "

http://www.copaa.net/newstand/autismcapecod.html

And about the ProEFA -let's hope in a few months (which is typical)

it kicks into sentences and he can better express in his own words

how cruel this teacher was to him. I'm sure as said that these

situations can and will lead to Post Traumatic Stress if not dealt

with. I would ask your pediatrician for his opinion of how to help

him overcome the abuse he was put through already.

If there is a bright light in all of this -it's knowing that there

are parents like you out there. I know your son will be OK because

you are his parents -and your love for him comes through, as well as

your determination to help him! And that is just beautiful.

=====

[Guest guest]

I just want to add to the responses made ( that I second whole

heartedly!)

Before becoming a SAHM I was a reading teacher and let me assure you

that this teacher was more than inappropriate, she was abusive! I'm

sure that your heart tells you that and that it is hard to accept

that someone would do that to your wonderful son. The ONLY time I

had to restrain a child was when he was attacking another teacher

and child. In that situation, that was extrmemly violent, the child

calmed down within minutes. A child that has been restrained for 30

minutes is NOT being restrained correctly! It most assuraedly sounds

to me that she used the restraint as a punishment and your son

reacted to being punished and the whole thing escalated. NO teacher

has the right to restrain a child that has not first become

violent!!!!! If she asked him to do the puzzle and he attacked her

physically that and ONLY that would be cause for her to restrain him

and even then she should have been able to calm him within MINUTES

of begining the restraint. I worked in a school that had a special

elementary behavioral program for violent children, I NEVER saw one

of these children restrained for that long a period!

The issue of locking him in the bathroom and letting him cry for 45

minutes makes me SO angry I cried when I read your post! THIS IS

ABUSE! There is NO other word for it! It is an outrage that anyone

would do that to a child!

Please take gentle care of your child and yourselves, getting all of

you the help needed after experiencing these traumatic experiences.

And lastly in my opinion I would contact a lawyer regarding these

issues. Being a former teacher it SICKENS me to think this woman is

receiving awards while abusing children. Please take heart, you

have done the right thing in protecting your child and seeking

help. My thoughts are with you and your son.

[Guest guest]

,

I have been reading your posts along with all the replies and couldn't stay

quiet anymore. I am so appalled at how the teacher handled your son it

makes me sick to my stomach. I am a child and family therapist and have

worked with schools in regards to children with emotional issues and know

what a nightmare it can become. Now that I have a son with disabilities I

dread the day he turns 3 and is in " hands " of the school district. From my

little experience and what (minimum) research I have done thus far regarding

these types of issues here are some suggestions I would make (and do with

them what you will...just my thoughts):

1. Get your son in with a play therapist who actually has a play

room...this will help him work through the emotional damage before he gets

to the point of acting out. If you want to e-mail me your location I can

get you some names of play therapists...but you will have to " interview "

them - a lot of therapists call themselves play therapists and just bring a

few toys into the room - you need someone who actually has a play room they

use to do therapy with children. This is so important as it will help

thwart any long term behavioral responses and he will have a safe place to

go and work through his emotions.

2. There is a website http://www.wrightslaw.com They have written books about

special needs children and the law. I believe that one or maybe even both

of them are lawyers. If there is any way you can consult with them on your

particular case I am sure they would be able to give you some good guidance

in how to deal with the school district. They may even be able to connect

you with a lawyer who would help you. If I were you, I would be going to

the school meeting WITH a lawyer to let them know that you are not going to

sit by and let this type of abuse occur. There are also federally funded

programs (required by law) where you should be able to speak with an

educational advocate who may be able to be there with you --- a lot of time

those are just parent volunteers and while helpful - I would suggest a

lawyer who knows the law.

3. Document, document, document. Every conversation you have with the

principal, everything the teacher has said, every phone call, etc.

4. Contact the local mental health abuse line and make a report! I would

definitely report this woman!!!! She needs to be investigated - they may

not do anything, but just being investigated will shake her up enough to

know that this type of action is intolerable and there are parents out there

who will not sit passively by while she abuses children. And this IS

abusive!

5. I would be the squeaky wheel...cc the superintendent on every letter you

write. Maintain a " professional " but determined stance - try not to be

overly emotional with them (then they just label you as a hysterical

mother), but let them know how outraged you are and how serious you are

about pursuing legal action (this ALWAYS gets their attention). You may

also suggest your consideration of going to the news media.

Well, that's all I can think of for now...I hope it is helpful in some

regard and will be anxious to hear how things go. I really think if you can

get in touch with the slaw folks they will give you some good

guidance. I know I have seen an add in my community in the Parenting paper

that comes out monthly for an attorney who specializes in representing

parents of children with special needs...finding one of those could be

tremendously helpful. If they start receiving letters from an attorney,

they WILL respond!

Bless you and your family, and hang in there. You are a good mom and have

every right to fight for your son!!!

Warmest regards,

Petruk