Guest guest Posted July 16, 2003 Report Share Posted July 16, 2003 Dear Group: Bill Eddy, the clinician and Attorney who is writing the book about BPD and the Law--now named SPLITTING--wrote this answer to someone and I thought I would send it to anyone who might be in a court case with someone who is vengeful and blaming. > General educational principles about vengeful and blaming people in court. > > First, personal commmunications (letters, emails, faxes, voice-mail > messages, etc.) frequently appear in divorce cases as court documents. They are > interpreted any way the person wants to, and they are used to prove a surprising > number of points. When such documents are in the public record, they can be > quite embarrassing or humiliating. A general principle is the less written > directly to a divorcing spouse, the better. > > Second, some vengeful and blaming people perceive a wide variety of actions > as " abandoning. " Nothing can be said or written to take away that automatic > perception. It's sad, but its a characteristic of the pattern. > > Third, some vengeful and blaming people have a hard time handling mixed > messages. A letter which says " how I love you, but I want to divorce you " is > very difficult to digest. Because of its sensitivity, it will trigger > vulnerable feelings, but because of its underlying message it will trigger deep hurt > and therefore anger. The combination of vulnerability and anger generally > triggers an intense rage. > > Fourth, if a decision has been made to get a divorce, then the person making > that decision is generally better off to give a consistent message that > contains emotions, not opening them up. The person should see an attorney and > get approval for any letters they wish to send. If a decision has not yet been > made, then the individual should see a therapist and see if their issues can > be worked on -- individually or jointly. > > Lastly, if the parties decide to divorce, sometimes a therapist can help > with " divorce therapy, " so that the personal comments either party wishes to > make can be said verbally and receive the assistance of the therapist. Also, > such comments are generally protected by psychotherapist-patient privileges > (depending on the state), so that they may not be allowed to be used in court. > > I hope this general information is helpful. Your are advised to get local > professional advice. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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