Re: Extended family with BPD

[Guest guest]

For me, the ineresting thing about knowing about BPD and realizing that's my

mom, is that for the first time I really know how to push HER buttons. I

confess, I have cruelly experimented with it and boy does it work! I don't

intend to continue this, just wanted to see what would happen. It does loosen

the grip she has on my emotions though.

Of course, I would give anything to just not know as that would mean my daughter

didn't have BPD.

Maureen

[Guest guest]

I am curious; how does one " push the buttons " of a BPD? It would be a

pleasure to turn the tables for once. I often wonder if I moved away and left

no

forwarding address if she would continue this behavior, because at this point it

would seem I am the only one who really cares. And , that has seemed to me

to be the only way of turning the tables. But, if you can tell me what works

with your mother, I would be most happy to know. My daughter is an adult, so

it's not like interacting with a real child. Only her lack of realizing there

exist consequences is childlike. For instance, her blowing her last $2000.00

on her new husband and not paying her mortgage because she THOUGHT she would be

able to sell a house during the past 2 months and earn a commission, but it

didn't happen. So, how do I push her buttons????

Jean

[Guest guest]

In my case, with my mother I can push her buttons by a) refusing to

acknowledge her " greatness " when she tells me an often not true and

always exagerrated story about herself, refusing to let her feel

empowered by taking over my life or even thinking she is taking over my

life, c) by refusing to allow her to refer to me in any way that would

insinuate that I am an extension of herself and c) by calling her on her

lies when she hasn't gotten enough attention/ego pumping through methods

a, b & c. She goes ballistic when I stand firm and will start going to

all extremes to get me to make her feel better about herself. It's not

like I put her down or anything, I just refuse to pump her ego anymore.

So then her next step is to tell me through e-mail how much everyone

else needs her and how much she has helped everyone else. I just don't

respond to those. Last week, my cousin (by my father's side) died and my

daughter was readmitted. It was really hard for my mom to have all these

other people getting so much attention and for her to not be able to do

stuff to solve everyone's problems and thereby feel important. She

really got wacko with that.

Anyway, I don't advise intentially being mean. Like I said, I don't go

so far as to criticize her or anything like that. It just that setting

and enforcing my boundaries, which I had already been working on, makes

her really uncomfortable. And now I know why and understand why she

responds the way she does.

Maureen

Re: Extended family with BPD

I am curious; how does one " push the buttons " of a BPD? It would be a

pleasure to turn the tables for once. I often wonder if I moved away

and left no

forwarding address if she would continue this behavior, because at this

point it

would seem I am the only one who really cares. And , that has seemed to

me

to be the only way of turning the tables. But, if you can tell me what

works

with your mother, I would be most happy to know. My daughter is an

adult, so

it's not like interacting with a real child. Only her lack of realizing

there

exist consequences is childlike. For instance, her blowing her last

$2000.00

on her new husband and not paying her mortgage because she THOUGHT she

would be

able to sell a house during the past 2 months and earn a commission, but

it

didn't happen. So, how do I push her buttons????

Jean

[Guest guest]

Maureen,

This is so weird! I do exactly the same as you with my mother. You can see

her blood pressure rolling up her neck. Great satisfaction to me! Altho,

like I said before, I haven't spoken to her in years. I'm better off. No more

anxiety when it comes to her anyway. I really like the part about calling her

up on her lies. My brother did that many years back, catching her in her own

lies, way long before I had any inkling of what she suffers from. And, the

rest of my siblings probably have no clue, as I dont speak to any of them

either.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Maureen,

This is what I was trying to say! You've outlined what I was trying to say,

which is: don't get involved emotionally with their manipulation game, and their

buttons will be pushed.

Liz

-- " Maureen Sklaroff " wrote:

In my case, with my mother I can push her buttons by a) refusing to

acknowledge her " greatness " when she tells me an often not true and

always exagerrated story about herself, refusing to let her feel

empowered by taking over my life or even thinking she is taking over my

life, c) by refusing to allow her to refer to me in any way that would

insinuate that I am an extension of herself and c) by calling her on her

lies when she hasn't gotten enough attention/ego pumping through methods

a, b & c. She goes ballistic when I stand firm and will start going to

all extremes to get me to make her feel better about herself. It's not

like I put her down or anything, I just refuse to pump her ego anymore.

So then her next step is to tell me through e-mail how much everyone

else needs her and how much she has helped everyone else. I just don't

respond to those. Last week, my cousin (by my father's side) died and my

daughter was readmitted. It was really hard for my mom to have all these

other people getting so much attention and for her to not be able to do

stuff to solve everyone's problems and thereby feel important. She

really got wacko with that.

Anyway, I don't advise intentially being mean. Like I said, I don't go

so far as to criticize her or anything like that. It just that setting

and enforcing my boundaries, which I had already been working on, makes

her really uncomfortable. And now I know why and understand why she

responds the way she does.

Maureen

Re: Extended family with BPD

I am curious; how does one " push the buttons " of a BPD? It would be a

pleasure to turn the tables for once. I often wonder if I moved away

and left no

forwarding address if she would continue this behavior, because at this

point it

would seem I am the only one who really cares. And , that has seemed to

me

to be the only way of turning the tables. But, if you can tell me what

works

with your mother, I would be most happy to know. My daughter is an

adult, so

it's not like interacting with a real child. Only her lack of realizing

there

exist consequences is childlike. For instance, her blowing her last

$2000.00

on her new husband and not paying her mortgage because she THOUGHT she

would be

able to sell a house during the past 2 months and earn a commission, but

it

didn't happen. So, how do I push her buttons????

Jean