second cervical epidural tomorrow

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

I go for my second cervical epidural tomorrow, Monday, Jan. 6. Since there

are no

holidays and company pressing in on me like there was after my first

injection on Dec. 20, I plan to stay in bed for the rest of the week if at

all possible, or as much as possible. The nurses at the pain clinic told

me

last time that the shot wouldn't do me any good if I tried to get up and do

too much too soon afterwards. For me, too, the injections are just about

all that is left to me for pain control until I can have the next cervical

fusion. My oral pain meds are just barely touching the surface of my pain

level. The dr. is trying to help me wait several months until after our

wedding and we are comfortably settled in our new home before undergoing

that horrible surgery. I hope the shots work and really help me to wait.

The recuperation after that surgery is both lengthy and extremely painful,

as I remember well from my first cervical fusion in 1999.

I don't know if morphine patches would work for me or not. Morphine

usually

makes me very sick at my stomach. has anyone else had good success with

them? I'd like to hear from you if you have. Details, please. I cannot

take coedine in any form at all

for the same reason. I can both feel and see one of my vertebrae in my

neck

starting to really bulge out at the base of my neck in the back as it

crumples and collapses more and more. I don't even have any words to

describe the pain. Lennie is shocked and horrified and amazed to

see what is happening to my neck so rapidly. Even family says,

" you hide the pain so well, ..most people would not guess

what you are constantly going through.you are always ready with a joke or a

smile " . I probably try to hide it TOO WELL, and then others don't always

understand when I try to explain why I spend so much time in bed, etc. I

was just taught not to complain or whine, and I do so hate to be a bother

to

others. Also, humor truly helps me to cope. A joke on myself is the best

kind. I find that if I laugh first and loudest,( " I just HATE it when they

break my neck, don't you? " ) it puts others at ease with being around a

seriously ill person (me) and the situation seems more bearable. I just

see that life here on earth is so brief. People take

so much for granted, including me, but not like I used to. I have no time

for depression or self-pity. I will praise God in the Highest no matter

what, no matter which way the wind blows. He alone knows what is ahead and

how much we can bear. I have taken to ordering dessert FIRST when Lennie

and I go to a restaurant. When the waiter asks, " are you sure you want it

FIRST? won't it spoil your appetite? " I always say, " It may or may not

spoil my appetite. Who cares? I am 42 and ill. I don't want to waste

valuable stomach space with something sensible! I don't want to save the

best for last, and I don't want to leave this world regretting that I

didn't

take time to enjoy small things when I could. We only get so many trips

around the sun. Enjoy it! " All of them always leave our table with a

smile, nodding understanding. It is so satisfying to order cheesecake as

an

appetizer!

I am getting so excited about our wedding plans! It is finally sinking in

and starting to finally feel " real " at last that we are actually getting

married in a few short months. We've waited soooo long, and put so many

others' needs first. God has rewarded our patience, though, 1000 fold. The

Ft. Worth Botanic Garden is one of the most popular spots in this area of

the state for weddings, and is absolutely breathtaking with its flowering

beauty and heavenly fragrance, especially in the spring. I think we are

going to have the Garden Restaurant, which is inside the Botanic Garden

park, cater our reception directly afterwards. We ordered Abby's flower

girl dress (we were waiting to see what size to order, as she is still

growing), bought 2 white satin heart shaped ring bearer's pillows for both

little and little Josh (Lennie's nephews) to carry, and rosepetal white

wicker baskets for the flower girls, and also a unity candle and candle

holder (white with tiny blush pink roses). We have only now to choose and

order a cake, order invitations, and arrange a photographer and a limo to

take Lenne and I directly from the reception to our hotel. We will spend

our wedding night in some nice hotel in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area, and then

attend Maegan's graduation ceremony with the rest of the family the next

day. Then we plan to try and have someone stay with Abby and the boys

while

we honeymoon in Maui. Lennie has a friend with a beachfront condo there,

and has said we can use it! WOW!

I do hope this finds all of you having a good and restful day, my dear

friends and family!

Let me hear from you whenever you are able.

Love,

~LoneStarRose~ (~~)