Re: what tradgedy started your fibro/chronic?/help---- To

[Guest guest]

Hi , I read your whole letter. It did not bore me or bother me a bit. I am

so glad you were able to share these things with someone. It sounds like you

need to. I don't know you, but I would like to. I did not have some of the

difficulties you went through but I was picked on as a young child. My

elementary school years were filled with kids threatening to beat me up and

calling me names. I was moved around alot too from place to place because my

mother moved alot. I had about 5 elementary schools, at least 2 middle schools,

and 4 high schools. I would never do this to my children unless I had to. It

is not fair. I never felt like I belonged anywhere really because I was never

anywhere long enough to make friends. The teasing and threats stopped in about

the 8th grade or so. But I can't go to a high school reunion, ..... because I

did not have one that I can remember anyone from. LOL. I moved too much.

Anyway, it must be painful not being able to communicate with your mother.

And it must be so hurtful to feel she does not see you exist.

Write me anytime at ladybug75901@... or post on the site to me or the

other people here. They are all warm, nice, and supportive.

Take care

Debra V.

Svensson wrote:

What tradgedy started my fibro? I suppose it's my

school years. Some kids where mean to me the first

three years, then we moved (not because of the mean

kids, because I hadn't told anyone). It's difficult to

come as a new kid in 4th grade (You start Finnish

schools at age 7, so I was almost 10 when I started

4th grade.) I didn't get any friends. Hardly anyone

wanted me to come to their birthday parties. When I

had a party, I'd invite 7 or 8 kids, may be 4 would

come. One year only 3 came. It continued all the way

through high school. I mostly sat alone during school

breaks, reading books or just looking at the others,

hardly ever talking to them. In 2000 when I started

university I didn't get any new friends either. At

that point I was so, I don't know... I suppose I had

developed a social phobia, because I didn't want to

even try to talk to other young people, afraid that

they might turn their back on me. Through all the high

school and university I've had very difficult to

present projects in front of the class. In university,

if I had to go and see a professor, I almost had a

panic attack. If I had a question, I'd search the

internet for the answer, because I was unable to go to

a professor's office, knock on the door and ask the

question. I just could not do that. At home things

hasn't gone well either. Mum and dad argued pretty

much and we had huge financial difficulties, because

they screwed up, promising to pay a loan if a man

couldn't. The man tricked them, so not only our family

suffered. Many families did the same thing. So mum and

dad had to take loans and stuff. It's very complicated

and mum has never explained all that happened. I just

know that we have lots of money to pay and we'll never

be able to pay it. We had to move again, after only 4

years, which meant new school mates and the same

lonliness continued. Dad died of cancer in January

2002. I was very surprised that we kids inherited the

debths (don't know how to spell that). I think it's

unfair. We kids haven't done anything wrong. Why do we

have to suffer for a decision that mum and dad made

many years ago? Mum and I moved to yet another

apartment after dad's death. I've never had a good

relationship with either parents. I never argued with

dad, and I hardly ever argue with mum, but it feels

like they are/were just other people living in the

same house. I can't sit down in the kitchen and talk

to mum about feelings. When dad died and she was sad,

I heard her say in the phone " Well, at least I have

Eva and Micke. " They are my sister and brother. And I

was like: Whoa! What am I? A neighbour or invisible?

Why didn't she say my name too? Sometimes mum and I go

to the flea market or into town on Saturdays, but I

don't want to take her with me for other activities,

like cinemas or teathre. I always go alone or with a

sort of friend, but we meet may be once a week or less

than that. Sometimes we send text messages on the

mobile phone. Okay, thanks for coming so far in the

text! I'll stop soon. I feel best when I sit in my

room, reading, cross stitching, making 3D cards or

watching a movie. Of course I can't do that all day

long. I have to go to a place and search for jobs.

Funny, when I am at the job searching place, I kind of

enjoy talking to some of the adults that are searching

jobs too. They are so kind and they are joking and

stuff. One woman is 4 days younger than mum and she

likes 3D cards like I do. I talk to her pretty much,

about 3D cards and job searching. There are other

people in my age searching for jobs, but I don't feel

like talking to them. I am usually not smiling for

obvious reasons. But I have noticed that when a person

says something to me I feel happier. Because they show

that they care about me. They want to talk to me and

make me happier. And now I am able to start a

conversation with some of the women I meet every

Monday-Friday, especially the one who likes 3D cards.

But I am not able to start a conversation with a

younger one. Anyway, I think all these problems I've

had with other people started my fibro at age 15 or

16, may be. Thanks for reading. Now I've taken too

much of your time and I need to lay down a little on

my bed. My back has been feeling stiff the last few

days and it hurts when I try to stretch it, which I

suppose I have to do.

--

> Mystic wrote:

> i personally think that my fribromaylgia

> has been developing at a

> slow pace since i was a child. i was born with

> brochial asthma and

> suffered severely with it as a young child and teen.

> then as a pre-

> teen and teenager i was the victim of extended

> emotional, physical

> and sexual abuse which culminated in being raped at

> knife point.

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